Lessons that last – how my mother’s early teachings shaped my life

Not only did she teach me essential life skills, she also instilled values and morals that will remain with me for ever

The National's Thoraya Abdullahi with her mother. Thoraya Abdullahi / The National

“I love how outgoing / bubbly / helpful you are.” If only I had a penny for each time someone uttered these words to me in my personal and professional life.

Wishful thinking. And yet, if I were given the opportunity to explain, these are the thoughts I'd share with them.

It all comes down to my mother, a woman who were I to attempt to encapsulate in words, would take a lifetime and then some. Exuding vitality, joy and affection, my mother is the embodiment of a happy home and the rich, comforting scent of oud.

I attribute all my positive personality traits to my mother's infectious laughter and warm personality. I am grateful to have inherited some of her finest qualities. The mere sound of her voice has the power to alleviate my exhaustion and sorrow.

My favourite childhood memory is waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of my mother's prayers, fervently asking for blessings for my sister and me. I would listen silently, mouthing “Ameen” and relishing the sound of her voice.

My mother holds an exceptional place in my heart as my best friend and eternal teacher. She not only imparted essential life skills, but also invaluable values that will remain with me for ever. Here are some of the lessons from my childhood that I hold dear and that have proved useful even as an adult.

Be generous

My mother is a person who freely gives her time, money and belongings, quite literally. She firmly believes in the principle of sharing and applies it extensively to her family as well as relatives back home in Somalia.

She is a remarkable model of volunteerism, contributing to various organisations that aim to better the future of young children in our home country. Her door is always open to our neighbours and people in need, whom she invites to make themselves at home and at ease, especially in the month of Ramadan.

“Build relationships not for personal gain, but for the sake of giving and being generous to others,” is her motto.

So now, whenever I have the opportunity to brighten someone's life, even if it's with only a kind word and smile, I never hesitate to do so.

Be happy with what you have

My mother leads a modest and uncomplicated life, placing her family at the centre of her world. Her contentment is palpable, and she urged us to avoid superficiality and the temptation to compare ourselves with others.

She also encouraged us to pursue our aspirations, and not let the desire for material possessions hinder our progress.

My mother's philosophy is to seize the moment and make the most of every opportunity, surrounded by those we love. When we were growing up, she often reminded us that we have our whole lives to rest and reflect, and that we should avoid regret by striving to live fully in the present.

By prioritising relationships, embracing simplicity, and cherishing every moment, I hope to emulate her model of contentment.

Stand firm in your values

“Never bend back for anyone” was a frequent phrase I heard growing up, as my mother reminded me that I should never compromise my values or beliefs for the sake of others.

Even today, these words enable me to always stand up for myself and not be swayed by external pressures. This advice has helped me navigate challenging situations where I was tempted to compromise my values to please others.

And I have found my mother was right when she said, by staying true to yourself and your beliefs, you will earn the respect and trust of those around you.

Love yourself before you love anyone else

Another of my mother's early teachings was that love is one of the most esteemed human emotions. She implanted in me the importance of self-love from a very young age. She would always say: “You can't truly love someone else until you love yourself first.”

She taught me that self-love means valuing and respecting myself, being comfortable in my own skin, and not seeking validation or approval from others.

She always encouraged me to set healthy boundaries and prioritise my well-being. Through her words and actions, she showed me that taking care of myself physically, emotionally and mentally is essential in order to have healthy relationships with others.

This has helped me to develop a strong sense of self-worth and confidence, which has been invaluable in my personal and professional life.