HIV positive father laments extramarital affairs

OI, from Sharjah, was told he had HIV nearly two years ago. Since then, his life has changed beyond recognition.

OI, a patient diagnosed with HIV, holds his wife’s hand after receiving a regular skin test during treatment at Rashid Hospital in Dubai.

During the hour-long interview, OI avoided all eye contact.

"The most difficult thing is looking at people who know about my condition," the Emirati says. "If I know that the other person knows about it, I can't look at them. It's too hard."

The married father of two from Sharjah discovered he had HIV nearly two years ago. Since then, his life has changed immeasurably.

He says he contracted the virus from one of a number of extramarital affairs, but is unable to pinpoint which one.

"I can't tell you exactly where it came from, but it is the result of something that is haram," he says. "I travelled a lot, met a lot of people and formed relationships with them."

However, it never occurred to the 46-year-old former policeman that he could be HIV positive. In fact, even hearing mention of the virus made him uncomfortable.

"I used to avoid it," he says. "If I heard reference to it somewhere on the TV it would bother me and I would try not to listen."

His eyes well with tears as he recalled the moment his doctor told him he was HIV positive.

"It felt like a loaded gun was pointed in my direction."

At the time, his biggest fear was whether he had infected his family. He had been married for about three years with two children. His wife and children were tested the following day, and to everyone's great relief, their tests were negative.

Apart from his family and doctor, he has tried to keep the matter secret, fearing the response he would receive from the community.

"This sickness is all about secrecy, especially in this [society] where everyone knows each other," he says. "Friends who did find out never ask about me, but I'm not one to hold grudges."

His wife agrees on the need for secrecy, saying it is a matter of protecting her husband. The community's lack of education about the virus makes this necessary, she says.

"Everyone understands this comes from [sexual relations], although it could've been from surgery or through a dental procedure - all the things we know that could bring on this sickness," she says. "But people will immediately understand that it's this bad thing and leave everything else. So we decided it's better not to tell anyone and to have piece of mind."

OI has been surprised by his wife's unconditional love and support. Looking back, he said he took both his family and his health for granted.

"My wife knew about my goings and comings and about my history before marriage," he says. "Maybe when we got married, I didn't listen to her when she disapproved, but I didn't expect this sickness to happen to me. These things don't occur to you when you're healthy and living your life.

"I always go back and say to myself why did I do this? I could've easily avoided it. But then I realised that this is what is written for me and I must have faith."