ABU DHABI // People with elderly parents say they prefer to look after them at home rather than sending them to care centres.
But they say they need more support.
Ayesha Yousif, 50, an Emirati, has been taking care of her infirm mother for 10 years and says it would be much easier if she had professional support.
“I think if I have help from someone who had experience with elderly care, maybe a nurse or a doctor, then I would be able to help my mother more,” Mrs Yousif says.
“They could explain to me how I can deal with her without hurting her.”
Mrs Yousif, who has five children, says she finds her octogenarian mother’s increasing stubbornness a major challenge.
“She is old, fragile and very sensitive, and I have to be careful with what I say and how I help her,” she says. “She often refuses to take a shower or allow me to take her to the toilet.
“Sometimes she soils herself and that means extra work for me to get her clean. We have to work hard to convince her to visit the doctor.”
Salama Al Romaithi, 47, also Emirati, has been caring for her mother, 70, and aunt, 76, since her elder brother and father died.
“Islam teaches us to take care of our parents,” Mrs Al Romaithi says. “They sacrificed to see us grow and now it’s my turn to return the favour.”
She agrees caring for elderly relatives is hard work.
“My mother’s diabetes is still bad but she either forgets to take her medication or doesn’t want to take the medication,” she said.
Mrs Al Romaithi did not trust elder care centres to do the job she believes is her responsibility.
“If I send my mother and auntie to an elderly care centre, it just means that I have lost my humanity. The centre might provide the patient with all the healthcare facilities, but as a human, we still need our family around to lift our spiritual and emotional needs. We cannot substitute that with medicine,” she said.
F S, 57, cared for her father for three years, until he died in 2012 at the age of 80.
“Initially it was not difficult but as the time passed, it got tougher and he grew sicker. He hated getting out of bed, he didn’t want to eat and didn’t want to take his medication. Every day was a struggle,” she said.
F S, an Emirati mother of seven, says caring for her father led to her orthopaedic problems. So she hired a certified nurse, which was expensive.
“In the past three months of his life when things were not manageable alone, I hired a certified nurse and had to pay Dh10,000 a month.”
Despite the difficulties, F S says she has never wanted to sent her father to a home.
“I always preferred that he stayed at home with me. I was comfortable when he was under my care. I knew how to speak with him, how to make him laugh.”
But she realises it is not that easy for everyone to take care of their parents alone and that many need help from centres.
“I don’t think centres are taboo any more,” she says. “There are many families who might prefer a nursing home. They will be happier because they can socialise with others of the same age and they will have people to talk to.”
F S also believes elderly care is a responsibility of the Government.
“Some families can’t afford to have an older family member at home, especially if an inhouse nurse is needed,” she says. “Government care centres and home visits by physicians should be mandatory.”
akhaishgi@thenational.ae