A week ago, my 80-year old father joined Facebook. He quickly acquired three friends: my brother, me and my mum (who had joined Facebook the week before).
Here is my issue: I am not sure I want to be "friends" with my parents. They live around the corner from me and I see them almost every day. They drop in to check out what's happening in my household and I do the same with them. They know when my bathroom tap leaks, when the dishwasher serviceman shows up on time and when I am planning a party.
I thought Facebook was a sanctum from my extended family and for years it was. In the last month though, I find that septuagenarian aunts and uncles who have suddenly discovered Facebook and want to "friend" me.
True to form, I dither and ignore their friend requests. Many of them phone me the minute after they have sent a request to ask if I have seen it. I say I haven't. They keep on calling.
Oh, and here's the other thing. They have discovered the joys of texting as well. My 86-year-old aunt, whose fingers have swollen because of chronic arthritis, now texts me as if she were a teenager. "R u online LOLZ?" she asks.
"Wassup?" she asks.
"Nothing much," I reply in chaste English, rebelling like a teenager against her SMS-speak.
"How are you?" I ask.
She replies with a single letter: "K".
The whole point of being cool is to make your elders feel traditional and old-fashioned, to be different from the nonagenarians. For the most part, the elders in my family are indeed conventional, even conservative. They play to part.
Except with texts. Then they act like ditsy teenagers. Why do they love this SMS-speak? I wonder. Is it because they cannot type, which many in my family cannot? Or is it because they have been taught social media protocol by their grandchildren?
On Facebook, if not in texts, the elders in my family act their age. Their true personas come out. But this too, is not without its issues.
My mum, for instance, is very spiritual, which is a blessing in real life. She calms me down and soothes my angst with her touch and words.
Her spirituality however, takes centre stage on Facebook. She posts messages about meditating during the full moon to absorb its beneficial healing rays. She announces the date for Hindu festivals and suggests rituals to follow.
All of this would be fine were it not for my friends who have helpfully found my mother through Facebook's unhelpful friend-finder and befriended her. "Boy, your mum is really religious," they say. "Unfriend her," I reply.
Is Facebook a platform or a way to keep in touch? My mum treats it as a soapbox. She has a number of students who seek her for meditation lessons, so she views Facebook as a tool to give the same instructions to everyone, kind of like a group SMS.
But I don't want my weird atheist friends to connect with my mum. It is like two universes colliding.
My folks love it though. My mum called me early one morning. "I have 20 notifications from Facebook," she said excitedly. "What should I do?"
So I went through a long and painful process of instructing her how to improve her email notification settings, only to have the power fail at the last minute before she could save the new settings. "Come over and do it for me," said mum. For good measure, she sent me a Facebook poke, which I ignored, I might add. Where is the "sulk" icon when you need it?
My teenage daughter is very comfortable with Facebook. Like many of her age and generation, she communicates with friends predominantly through social media. They post photographs, daily updates and tease each other. In the "sandwich generation", I have my mum on one side and my daughter on the other, both more active on Facebook than I am.
So recently, I did my daughter a favour: I unfriended her.
Shoba Narayan is the author of Return to India: a memoir
Online: shobanarayan.com
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Greatest of All Time
Starring: Vijay, Sneha, Prashanth, Prabhu Deva, Mohan
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MATCH INFO
Manchester City 2 (Mahrez 04', Ake 84')
Leicester City 5 (Vardy 37' pen, 54', 58' pen, Maddison 77', Tielemans 88' pen)
Man of the match: Jamie Vardy (Leicester City)
Vikram%20Vedha
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Emirates exiles
Will Wilson is not the first player to have attained high-class representative honours after first learning to play rugby on the playing fields of UAE.
Jonny Macdonald
Abu Dhabi-born and raised, the current Jebel Ali Dragons assistant coach was selected to play for Scotland at the Hong Kong Sevens in 2011.
Jordan Onojaife
Having started rugby by chance when the Jumeirah College team were short of players, he later won the World Under 20 Championship with England.
Devante Onojaife
Followed older brother Jordan into England age-group rugby, as well as the pro game at Northampton Saints, but recently switched allegiance to Scotland.
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Martin Sabbagh profile
Job: CEO JCDecaux Middle East
In the role: Since January 2015
Lives: In the UAE
Background: M&A, investment banking
Studied: Corporate finance
Israel Palestine on Swedish TV 1958-1989
Director: Goran Hugo Olsson
Rating: 5/5
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ELECTION%20RESULTS
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The Perfect Couple
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Liev Schreiber, Jack Reynor
Creator: Jenna Lamia
Rating: 3/5
FINAL LEADERBOARD
1. Jordan Spieth (USA) 65 69 65 69 - 12-under-par
2. Matt Kuchar (USA) 65 71 66 69 - 9-under
3. Li Haotong (CHN) 69 73 69 63 - 6-under
T4. Rory McIlroy (NIR) 71 68 69 67 - 5-under
T4. Rafael Cabrera-Bello (ESP) 67 73 67 68 - 5-under
T6. Marc Leishman (AUS) 69 76 66 65 - 4-under
T6. Matthew Southgate (ENG) 72 72 67 65 - 4-under
T6. Brooks Koepka (USA) 65 72 68 71 - 4-under
T6. Branden Grace (RSA) 70 74 62 70 - 4-under
T6. Alexander Noren (SWE) 68 72 69 67 - 4-under
THE BIG MATCH
Arsenal v Manchester City,
Sunday, Emirates Stadium, 6.30pm
The specs
Engine: Long-range single or dual motor with 200kW or 400kW battery
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Max touring range: 620km / 590km
Price: From Dh250,000 (estimated)
Credits
Produced by: Colour Yellow Productions and Eros Now
Director: Mudassar Aziz
Cast: Sonakshi Sinha, Jimmy Sheirgill, Jassi Gill, Piyush Mishra, Diana Penty, Aparshakti Khurrana
Star rating: 2.5/5
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The biog
Full name: Aisha Abdulqader Saeed
Age: 34
Emirate: Dubai
Favourite quote: "No one has ever become poor by giving"
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre turbo
Power: 181hp
Torque: 230Nm
Transmission: 6-speed automatic
Starting price: Dh79,000
On sale: Now
South Africa v India schedule
Tests: 1st Test Jan 5-9, Cape Town; 2nd Test Jan 13-17, Centurion; 3rd Test Jan 24-28, Johannesburg
ODIs: 1st ODI Feb 1, Durban; 2nd ODI Feb 4, Centurion; 3rd ODI Feb 7, Cape Town; 4th ODI Feb 10, Johannesburg; 5th ODI Feb 13, Port Elizabeth; 6th ODI Feb 16, Centurion
T20Is: 1st T20I Feb 18, Johannesburg; 2nd T20I Feb 21, Centurion; 3rd T20I Feb 24, Cape Town
The specs
Engine 60kwh FWD
Battery Rimac 120kwh Lithium Nickel Manganese Cobalt Oxide (LiNiMnCoO2) chemistry
Power 204hp Torque 360Nm
Price, base / as tested Dh174,500
UAE jiu-jitsu squad
Men: Hamad Nawad and Khalid Al Balushi (56kg), Omar Al Fadhli and Saeed Al Mazroui (62kg), Taleb Al Kirbi and Humaid Al Kaabi (69kg), Mohammed Al Qubaisi and Saud Al Hammadi (70kg), Khalfan Belhol and Mohammad Haitham Radhi (85kg), Faisal Al Ketbi and Zayed Al Kaabi (94kg)
Women: Wadima Al Yafei and Mahra Al Hanaei (49kg), Bashayer Al Matrooshi and Hessa Al Shamsi (62kg)
KEY%20DATES%20IN%20AMAZON'S%20HISTORY
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You may remember …
Robbie Keane (Atletico de Kolkata) The Irish striker is, along with his former Spurs teammate Dimitar Berbatov, the headline figure in this season’s ISL, having joined defending champions ATK. His grand entrance after arrival from Major League Soccer in the US will be delayed by three games, though, due to a knee injury.
Dimitar Berbatov (Kerala Blasters) Word has it that Rene Meulensteen, the Kerala manager, plans to deploy his Bulgarian star in central midfield. The idea of Berbatov as an all-action, box-to-box midfielder, might jar with Spurs and Manchester United supporters, who more likely recall an always-languid, often-lazy striker.
Wes Brown (Kerala Blasters) Revived his playing career last season to help out at Blackburn Rovers, where he was also a coach. Since then, the 23-cap England centre back, who is now 38, has been reunited with the former Manchester United assistant coach Meulensteen, after signing for Kerala.
Andre Bikey (Jamshedpur) The Cameroonian defender is onto the 17th club of a career has taken him to Spain, Portugal, Russia, the UK, Greece, and now India. He is still only 32, so there is plenty of time to add to that tally, too. Scored goals against Liverpool and Chelsea during his time with Reading in England.
Emiliano Alfaro (Pune City) The Uruguayan striker has played for Liverpool – the Montevideo one, rather than the better-known side in England – and Lazio in Italy. He was prolific for a season at Al Wasl in the Arabian Gulf League in 2012/13. He returned for one season with Fujairah, whom he left to join Pune.
UAE%20athletes%20heading%20to%20Paris%202024
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PREMIER LEAGUE FIXTURES
Saturday (UAE kick-off times)
Watford v Leicester City (3.30pm)
Brighton v Arsenal (6pm)
West Ham v Wolves (8.30pm)
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace (10.45pm)
Sunday
Newcastle United v Sheffield United (5pm)
Aston Villa v Chelsea (7.15pm)
Everton v Liverpool (10pm)
Monday
Manchester City v Burnley (11pm)
Our legal columnist
Name: Yousef Al Bahar
Advocate at Al Bahar & Associate Advocates and Legal Consultants, established in 1994
Education: Mr Al Bahar was born in 1979 and graduated in 2008 from the Judicial Institute. He took after his father, who was one of the first Emirati lawyers
The specs
Engine: 3.8-litre twin-turbo V8
Power: 611bhp
Torque: 620Nm
Transmission: seven-speed automatic
Price: upon application
On sale: now
Overview
What: The Arab Women’s Sports Tournament is a biennial multisport event exclusively for Arab women athletes.
When: From Sunday, February 2, to Wednesday, February 12.
Where: At 13 different centres across Sharjah.
Disciplines: Athletics, archery, basketball, fencing, Karate, table tennis, shooting (rifle and pistol), show jumping and volleyball.
Participating countries: Algeria, Bahrain, Comoros, Egypt, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Libya, Morocco, Oman, Palestine, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Syria, Tunisia, Qatar and UAE.