Clear the track, it's the flying Scotsman

Reporter Desmond Kane is ready for track action.

ABU DHABI // First you ease yourself into a jumpsuit, then don a pair of white gloves, tug a helmet over your head, slam the visor down and it's almost time to Go Go Go! You're hardly going to go disco dancing in this sort of attire, even if you were back in the 1980s and the halcyon days of Michael Jackson's one white glove, but when you're preparing to race a car, or in my suddenly precarious situation, a kart, this is the gear of the thinking man.

Skydivers, parachuters, plumbers and mechanics all go about their business in jumpsuits, but only Formula One drivers have a right to feel good about themselves in one. The jumpsuit stops drivers from going up in flames, but is also a fashion statement, a necessary tool of the trade, a bit like karting is in spawning Formula One drivers. Luca Badoer is the test driver for Ferrari, a man who graduated from driving karts.

He looks as proud in his fire engine red jumpsuit as if he was sporting Armani togs. We shake hands, and we are all ready to take to the track. I have Badoer and Christophe Hissette, a UAE karting champion, along for the ride. We are all about to flirt with danger and we steel ourselves to confront a circuit inside Abu Dhabi's exhibition centre that feels more like an ice skating rink. The last time this novice karter experienced such a sense of trepidation was before stepping into a dodgem car years ago.

F1 drivers apparently shed a few pounds during races. I am in a cold sweat before we are even out of the mini pit lane. "Left foot to brake, right to accelerate. Don't brake too hard otherwise you will end up in a spin," explained the helpful Hissette. Hissette and Badoer will soon gracefully wheel their karts around with minimal fuss. They usually do this on tarmac. Navigating a kart on this shining surface is trickier than confronting the mean streets of Glasgow on a wet day.

Michael Schumacher developed in karts, but being Scottish, today I am a Jim Clark or Jackie Stewart. At least that's how I feel before the real action begins. Badoer and Hissette are in my slipstream. Then the engines are turned on. It all starts badly before going downhill. Before the first lap is out, I decide I am no longer driving Miss Daisy, and decide to see what this kart can do. Suddenly, there are a rash of red flags to indicate I'm in a spin. The reassuring thing about carting is that if you get tangled up, you just untangle and get going again. Until the next, inevitable, error.

"This is an impossible surface to drive on," says Hissette in a consoling tone afterwards. I look on the bright side. At least I can escape the jumpsuit. [e-mail]