With the 2015/16 Premier League season in the books, John McAuley outlines some of the highest highs and lowest lows the year in the English top flight offered, from Leicester City's miracle run right on down to Newcastle United's 'galling' relegation.
Best script – Leicester City
Where to start? Leicester City’s entirely improbable run to the Premier League title was not only the feel-good story of the season, but arguably the greatest in English football history. Transformed from relegation candidates to champions, their climb to the summit was both inspired and inspiring, built on a clear team ethic. How fitting it was, then, that the trophy was confirmed when they were all round at Jamie Vardy’s house, having a good old time. To be masterminded by the eminently likeable Claudio Ranieri just made it all the more appealing. Apparently, Vardy’s life will now be given the Hollywood treatment, yet perhaps it should extend to the whole club, with Andrea Bocelli providing the soundtrack. A sure-fire blockbuster. Dilly-ding, dilly-dong.
Worst boss – Jose Mourinho
Never one to shy from the spotlight, Jose Mourinho again dutifully played the league’s lightning rod. It all began so well, when he lasted a whole 90 minutes of the campaign without causing controversy. Then he lambasted first-team doctor Eva Carneiro for merely fulfilling her duties at the conclusion of the opener against Swansea, while after the December defeat to Leicester he publicly accused his players of betrayal – an apt end to Mourinho’s reign. In between those? Just a curious seven-minute TV rant following defeat to Southampton, only days after insinuating there existed a rat in the camp. Shame Mourinho couldn’t concentrate simply on ensuring the champions didn’t contribute the worst title defence in Premier League history. And to think Jose was supposed to be the ‘Happy One’.
Best appointment – Jurgen Klopp
When Liverpool’s hierarchy had grown tired of Brendan Rodgers and what became perceived as his “Brentisms”, they went for the anti-Rodgers: a straight-talking German, universally liked, a success guarantor. Jurgen Klopp was always going to prove the perfect fit at Liverpool and it’s no surprise he became an instant hit, not just with all connected to the club, but with English football fans and the media, too. Witty, charming but with a fierce drive, the self-styled ‘Normal One’ even makes breaking his glasses look cool. The best way to describe Klopp’s impact on Liverpool and indeed the league? To quote his reaction to March’s 3-0 victory against Manchester City, “Boooom”.
Worst first impression – Manchester City’s squad
Manuel Pellegrini insinuated it, then Manchester City confirmed it. Pep Guardiola would be the club’s new manager once the season finished, the Spaniard’s arrival ending speculation that had long circled the Etihad Stadium. However, the announcement was made on February 1, with City only three points behind leaders Leicester in the title race. From there, they lost three and drew one of their next five matches, including defeats to Leicester and Tottenham, another rival. City eventually finished fourth and now face a Champions League play-off, not to mention possible Thursday night castigation in the Europa League. Pellegrini even conceded some players, uncertain of their futures, had downed tools. So much for impressing the new boss. Some Pep talk that proved to be.
Best adjective – ‘Spursy’
They spent the whole season denying it, and the majority of the campaign disproving it, but in the end it was the most ‘Spursy’ denouement possible. Requiring a solitary point to finish second and conclude the season above bitter rivals Arsenal for the first time in 21 years, Tottenham were humiliated 5-1 on the final day at Newcastle United and slipped to third. St Totteringham’s Day, the seasonal occurrence when Arsenal fans celebrate the moment they officially can’t be surpassed by Tottenham, came late - yet so beautifully late for those in the red half of North London. Tottenham’s best ever Premier League season suddenly doesn’t feel as if it was.
Worst Groundhog Day – Arsenal
We’ve been here before. Arsenal look good, suggest a title challenge, actually lead the league, but crumble when the going gets tough. And then, once the pressure is off, finish the season strongly. Pipping Tottenham to second should not mask their failure: if any North London club choked this season, it’s Arsenal. In January, they topped the table. Then the heat rose and Arsenal froze. Arsene Wenger bore the brunt, the atmosphere at Emirates Stadium turning toxic as at one point the team collected eight points from six home matches. Arsenal should have run Leicester closest; instead their title bid was done long before Sunday. Celebrating second is rather clutching at straws. If anything, it is very ‘Arsenaly’.
Best dive – Louis Van Gaal
Jamie Vardy’s leap and subsequent red card against West Ham wins for technique, but Louis van Gaal trumps him in the bizarre stakes. The Manchester United manager entertained off the pitch this season when his team rarely did on it, most notably in his tetchy dealings with the press. Remember, he sarcastically requested the media to enjoy the club’s mince pies at Christmas, then called out a journalist for being a bit big-boned. Double standards, eh? Yet Van Gaal saved his best for the February match against Arsenal, when he fell, trusty clipboard in hand, at the fourth official’s feet in mock protest at what he perceived to be the opponents’ simulation. One of the United fans’ biggest gripes is that Van Gaal rarely leaves his seat during matches. They might want to revise that.
Worst excuse – Joleon Lescott
We’ve all done it. Cruising around in your expensive car, seeking to unwind after a trying day at work, when you accidentally and without knowing post a tweet depicting a Dh645,000 Mercedes sports car from a smartphone nestled deep in your pocket. Never mind the intricacies of performing such a function – opening app, selecting image, clicking upload, etc – but imagine how unfortunate it is when you deliver it to your hundreds of thousands of followers. And that you play for Aston Villa, who 15 minutes previously had lost 6-0 to Liverpool to remain rock bottom of the Premier League. Poor Joleon Lescott. Predictably, irate Villa supporters pounced on the tweet, prompting a swift apology from the defender. How unlucky can you be?
Best parody – N’Golo Kante
Move over Chuck Norris, N’Golo Kante’s here. The unassuming Leicester City midfielder has become a sensation almost overnight, thanks largely to his omnipotent performances since joining in the summer. Integral to Leicester’s title triumph, the manner of his dynamic and dominant displays provoked a number of social media memes and Norris-esque wisecracks. For instance, it is now common knowledge, apparently, that seventy per cent of the planet is covered by water, the rest by N’Golo Kante. His manager, Claudio Ranieri, even suggested the midfielder plays with batteries tucked into his shorts. And Steve Walsh, Ranieri’s assistant and head of recruitment, brilliantly summed up Kante’s prowess when he quipped: “We play three in midfield - [Danny] Drinkwater in the middle, and Kante on either side.”
Worst ignominy – Newcastle United
Relegation is galling enough. Especially for a club of Newcastle United’s stature, one that had spent heavily the previous summer to ensure last season’s survival scrap would not repeat. Granted, perhaps they should have spent more time finding a better manager than Steve McClaren, but Newcastle went into the campaign aiming at mid-table. Nine months later, they’re preparing for life in England’s second tier. And to make matters worse, they were sent down in place of Sunderland, their fierce local rivals. No doubt, Sunday’s 5-1 victory against Tottenham raises hopes of a quick return, especially if Rafael Benitez stays, but the plane flying over St James’ Park offered a stark reminder of exactly where the club stands. Devised by Sunderland fans, its banner read: ‘Auf Wiedersehen Prem, Tyne to go.” Schadenfreude, North-East style.