Why do we continue to judge women more harshly?

Can a woman not be brave and tough without being compared a man, asks Rym Ghazal?

Women can be strong and feminine at the same time. (Courtesy Prof Remke Kruk)

‘Our women were much harsher than the Byzantines. We felt that going to fight and die was much easier than facing the fury of our women later on,” were the words of an unknown knight, who fought alongside legendary Arab women warriors, including the seventh century warrior Khawlah bint Al Azwar.

Known as the Black Knight, Khawlah’s beauty, bravery and poetry have become the stuff of legend. As I researched female warriors of this region, I discovered new names and new heroines. Some were warlords, or warladies, who spent part of their childhood or youth dressing up as boys mainly to get trained in combat and would fight better than the men on the battlefield.

The bravery of these women would be often described by (mainly male) writers and historians as “manly” and as doing “unlady-like” things such as wandering the woods and hunting.

These were not just fighters, they were also mothers and wives, and while they fought alongside men, they also nursed and took care of the men and their families and often led a whole tribe. Yet attributes such as bravery and courage, skills with the sword and the bow, tended to be ascribed to men. Can a woman not be brave and tough without being compared to a man?

Women can be strong and feminine at the same time and actually their strength comes from this special ability to nurture and be gentle and still be the strongest pillar at home.

These points raise interesting perceptions and expectations we have of the genders. Over and over, I have heard throughout my career that people prefer men to lead a company with excuses such as women get “all emotional” – or the opposite, that they hide their emotions to the point that they appear rigid.

It is a tough climb for any woman to the top, and sometimes they have to adopt language and mannerisms that earn the respect of those in the boys club.

As an example, and by no means intended as a generalisation, I want to tell the story of Dr A and Dr B. At a hospital I used to regularly visit, I would hear how the staff talked about these two female doctors.

Dr A was over-friendly and “bubbly” to everyone, borderline flirty to the men and often late for her patients. The staff (male and female) all praised her. The staff would not so much praise Dr B, who was strict, efficient and focused more on the job and getting things done, was always on time and was diligent about calling her patients.

Yet from what I saw, Dr B was not cold; she was just reserved and focused more on finding solutions than making friends with everyone.

Sure, you can be friendly, warm and good at your job, but often it is difficult to be all that as every move and decision you make is judged more harshly.

And this is not limited to this region or any culture. Almost every society appears to judge women more harshly.

According to one poll, 62 per cent of viewers thought Hillary Clinton won this week’s debate. But when it came to which candidate appeared more sincere and authentic, 53 per cent said Mrs Clinton was more sincere vs 40 per cent who felt Donald Trump did better on that score. The gap was not that big, yet the demeanour of the two couldn’t be more different: the reserved and contained Mrs Clinton vs the overdramatic and overemotional Mr Trump.

Like so many women, Mrs Clinton has little time for excessive emotion. Many are busy breaking barriers, building families and companies and running countries.

On Twitter: @Arabianmau