What is a man? What is a woman? Two very simple questions, or so you would think. Every generation questions gender roles and expectations change. These roles have become blurry, to the point where women are not sure what is not expected of them, while men are unsure if anything is expected of them any more since women seem to have taken over their roles.
There is a sense of confusion and, with it, a sense of loss over what one can be, or should be.
Over and over again, I hear women, single and married, complain about the “loss of manhood”. They feel that they can’t depend on the men in their lives.
“Where are the real men? The gentlemen? Those who invite you for dinner and not expect to go Dutch,” says a friend who, while she is a very accomplished woman, says she wants and needs a man. She is honest about what many women are afraid to say at the risk of sounding weak.
Despite what some women claim, many of us want to embrace our femininity, want protection, to just take care of a home, be “girlie” and nurture ourselves and those around us.
Often the masculine energy is awakened in us as a means of survival because there are more expectations and stresses on women. They are mothers, wives, caretakers and providers, working at home and outside, taking care of everyone but themselves.
Perhaps some men can get turned off by these very accomplished super women, and women get turned off by unambitious unmasculine men. There is an imbalance of energies.
As an example, I have seen husbands lazing around the house, not helping with the children or bills because, “Hey, my wife knows how to do everything.”
Women need to embrace their femininity and men their masculinity, and return a sense of balance to their lives. Ultimately, both will be much happier as it will be more natural.
So many women have fought for equal rights, to give women a voice and the right to decide their own fate. But there are a lot of problems. Women are still paid less than men for the same jobs.
Let me give you an example of something so silly, yet it brought up important points. I couldn’t open a pickle jar, so I went out of my house to the gathering of men and women in front of the building and asked if someone could open it for me.
I was slammed by the women. Saying things like, “Oh, we are not helpless females any more”, they grabbed the jar from me and took turns at trying to open it. They wanted to prove they were strong and didn’t need anyone. After several tries, no one could open the jar. Then one man took it, did some weird dancing moves and, pop, it opened.
“Sometimes you need a man,” he said with a wink. I thanked “my hero”, as he saved my lunch.
We should just let people be. Of course, most women can do everything on their own, but why should we? If there is a man who cares and wants to participate, let him do it. He feels like a hero, and you like a damsel in distress. We grew up on these stories, and they are buried down there somewhere. However, some men feel it has to be “a serious emergency” for him to intervene, and then the women get disappointed when they are not rescued. Again, there is a lack of balance.
Each should give and take, and should embrace their similarities and their differences. It is often the differences we forget about, fight over or try to change.
I asked my questions – What is a man? What is a woman? – to different friends and got various answers. But when I asked another way, "What do you look for in a man or a woman", there was a clash of expectations and realities.
I asked some children, aged 8 to 10, and they had immediate answers. Rephrased, their answers were: A man is “strong, protects, provides, is fun, smart, is a father and loves mother”. A woman is a “mother, loving, funny, beautiful, knows everything, makes tasty food and loves father”.
rghazal@thenational.ae
Twitter:@Arabianmau