I t is one of the most vivid memories of my childhood. I remember my mother dragging me towards a little girl and saying: “Don’t you have something to say to Shireen?” Trying to hold back the tears, I said I was sorry.
“I don’t think she heard you Khalid,” my mum responded.
“I’m sorry,” I said with a little more force.
“And what are you sorry for Khalid?” my mother continued.
“I am sorry I called you ugly,” I said finally, feeling humiliated and ashamed.
My mother let me cool down before lecturing me on how to treat my female counterparts. These are lessons I still hold close to me today.
Reading Ayesha Al Mazroui's recent column on sexual harassment and witnessing various incidents on our roads, in malls and elsewhere has left me very concerned. Whether it is men throwing bits of paper bearing their phone numbers at women, following them for long periods of time or blocking their cars in the street, this sort of behaviour is all very distasteful.
Sadly, these methods of “peacocking” have been going on since I was a child. The fact that young Arab men still go to these extremes may mean that in many cases it works, otherwise they would try something else.
Unfortunately a majority of women with the intention of doing nothing more than enjoying a day out get caught in the crossfire, which is sad and something no woman should have to experience.
There are three major reasons why I think this type of harassment still exists in the UAE.
I think the first line of defence needs to rest within our households. My first lessons on how to treat women came from my parents. Being a father now myself I can now see how much influence my actions can have on my children. If I eat a certain way, they copy me. If I talk a certain way, they copy me. If I treat their mother a certain way, they will do the same.
It is the parents’ responsibility to ensure their young boys are aware of how to treat women, and it starts with how they treat and talk to each other. Remember that kids are soaking up every interaction you have together, so ensure that those interactions are filled with love and respect.
Secondly, I think school segregation contributes to a sense of disconnection between young men and women. I believe schools can play an important role by having students of the opposite sex engage with each other through structured class sessions or workshops.
I am not talking about fully desegregating schools in the UAE, but having chaperoned periods where boys and girls can work together to discuss and tackle topics on any level. The point is that these young people learn how to interact with each other in a sensible and respectful manner.
I can understand why this might seem pretty liberal given our cultural dynamics, but there is merit in the idea.
The forces of globalisation gather strength by the day and as women start to play an increasing role in our economic, social and political development, our young men will have to become more aware of how they interact with the opposite sex, professionally and personally.
Lastly, is how we can work together as a community to tackle harassment. What that now infamous YouTube video of the woman in New York getting harassed didn’t show was if anyone spoke up to help her while she was being verbally abused.
Unfortunately, we have all witnessed some level of sexual harassment during a day out in the mall or a public space, but very often we don’t speak up.
I know it may seem like none of our business, but we all have wives, mothers, sisters, aunts and cousins, who are at risk of this kind of antisocial behaviour every time they go out. It is our responsibility as a community to ensure that they are safe.
I feel guilty as I look back at the times where situations (which were all, thankfully, pretty harmless), were happening in front of me yet I chose to just go about my business. Unfortunately, when we turn a blind eye to sexual harassment we are effectively saying we have no objection to it.
The UAE suffers a great deal from this kind of lack of engagement between men and women in our society, whether it is sexual harassment, high divorce rates or workplace complications.
I believe the situation boils down to men never being taught how to treat women properly. One of the most common statements I hear when it comes to men who want to get married is “I want to marry a woman I can shape the way I like”.
I believe that statement says it all about these young men: they simply want someone who will blend in to whatever lifestyle they want for themselves and are not open to moderating their own behaviour.
Women play a special role in all our lives: they are the mothers who raise us, the sisters who play with us, the aunts and cousins that visit us during the holidays and the women who dedicate their lives to making our country a better place.
We owe it to them to teach young men how to treat the women of our country with the respect and honour they deserve. Anything else would be a failure.
Khalid Al Ameri is an Emirati social commentator
Twitter: @KhalidAlAmeri