Friday the 20th is my birthday and I’m old enough that I have no desire to tell you how old I’m going to be. Suffice it to say that I’m of the age where the law of inversions has set in: the things you want up start heading down (jowls, memory) and the things you want down start heading up (weight, blood pressure).
I don’t usually think about my birthday until it happens, but this year my birthday coincides with someone else’s big party: the inauguration of the 45th president of the United States. I’m sure that Donald Trump is furious that he has to share the day with me. This inauguration is particularly historic because it’s the first time since Dwight D Eisenhower (who had been a five-star general), that the country will be swearing in, as the leader of the government, a man with no experience in government.
Now, I know that some people find this lack of experience tremendously anxiety-provoking. They ask things like: “Would you want someone without any experience flying your transatlantic flight or doing open-heart surgery?” But others are more optimistic. They point to Mr Trump’s lack of experience as a plus and say that he’ll be a refreshing outsider, beholden to no one, and that his success in business will help him devise ways to bolster faltering economies and global commerce.
I’m going to take the juxtaposition of Mr Trump’s inauguration and my birthday as a sign, an omen for the upcoming year. I’m going to take Mr Trump as my model this year and just go for it: I’m going to be a one-woman Nike ad and “just do it”. Take heart! If Mr Trump can do it, so can the rest of us.
True, his ability to win the presidency despite (or perhaps because of) his inexperience happened because he had the financial means to make sure his message about being a man of the people reached everyone, right down to the residents of the most down-and-out trailer parks. There’s that business acumen: he knows how to sell his vision of America and he knows precisely the audience to whom he was selling it. His confidence is contagious; he refuses to be constrained by inexperience.
So in true Trumpian fashion, I’m going to make this the year that I do something I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve always wanted to run a business, which may come as a surprise, given that I’ve spent my entire professional life avoiding the commercial sector. I’m a literature professor by training and abhor mathematics, but I go shopping on a regular basis, so I’m sure I can handle the corporate world.
In fact, I’ve got a great idea: I should run Apple. I use Apple computers and other Apple gizmos all the time, and I totally connect with Siri. I’m sure that Tim Cook wouldn’t mind. Maybe Bill Gates could bankroll my move to the corporate sector. He’s a risk-taker, after all, and a big fan of what Silicon Valley calls “disruptive” approaches, like the way Uber “disrupted” the conventional car-for-hire model. As the chief executive of Apple, I would implement policies that would disrupt business-as-usual. I’d get rid of complacent technocrats, and I’d make the industry more competitive, as well as more responsive to those of us who use the products.
Thinking about this plan makes me optimistic, as if I’ve been liberated by the example of Mr Trump’s “I can do anything I want” energy. In fact, now I feel like celebrating and I have a perfect spot in mind for a birthday dinner. We’ll hold my celebration at an old restaurant in town that’s under brand-new management. It’s the chef’s first restaurant venture – in fact, it’s his first time working as a chef. He does have a lot of experience eating food that other people have cooked, though, and I know that everything he cooks will be delicious. The restaurant’s opening night is on my birthday, and it’s going to be great, a huge success. You should join us, the restaurant has plenty of seats still available.
Deborah Lindsay Williams is a professor of literature at NYU Abu Dhabi
