To borrow a little from Jane Austen, it is a truth universally acknowledged that women don’t necessarily like other women.
Of course, I mustn’t generalise here, but I am sure most women can recall a few female acquaintances who made it hard for female colleagues or friends when they needed a helping hand.
Perhaps a better way to describe it, is that women don’t always like to help other women. Some feel threatened, when they should support other women. If you don’t agree with me, and I am sure there are many of you who don’t, I’d ask you to recall the last social event you went to and remember what the majority of the conversation was about. Was it made up of gossip, a bit of back stabbing, and quick judgements of others, especially of other women?
Recently I came across a book discussing this very issue, Women Hate Women – Stop B****ing, written by Dr Franziska-Maria Apprich and Dr Kathy O’Sullivan, academics at the Canadian University of Dubai. Using humour and frank discussions, it categorises women into well-worn stereotypes: the know-it-all, the competitive mother, the boyfriend-stealing one and so on.
The authors declare in their introduction that they tried to reveal some truths about womanhood and its never ending “cellulite behaviour”, described as “bumpy, ugly and stubbornly enduring”.
The most important thing to note is that being there for other women is more important now than ever, as more women fall victim to all kinds of abuse than ever before.
The latest data to come out of the United Nations concludes that one in 10 girls are raped or sexually abused worldwide, with rates higher in Sub-Saharan Africa than other regions. Women and children have always been victims of oppression and abuse but, nonetheless, the fact so many are abused should trigger more sisterly support and help for any female in our community who may be in danger or needing intervention.
There is nothing more horrible than to hear other women dismiss a rape victim and claim that “what she wore” was the main reason for the crime. This is nonsense. The culprit is the actual abuser, the man. Not providing a proper network for girls and women is also part of the problem.
I was lucky enough to have grown up in an all girls school in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. I say lucky because I had real sisterly love from my friends, which was in marked contrast to how my friends in mixed schools used to suffer at the hands of other girls who used to put them down in front of other people. Trust me, men know women are competitive and they take advantage of it. They enjoy the spectacle of women bickering among themselves, especially when the fight is over them.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with dedicating your time to your loved ones, like your partner and children, but isn’t it somewhat disrespectful to only call upon your girlfriends when you need something or when your partner is busy or away? It is like the women friends are just a “time filler” until the next male comes into the picture.
In my experience, you don’t see men do this. They stick together and while they do also get busy with family and responsibilities, they reconnect over a game of cards or bowling and are best friends again. It is not a coincidence that research shows that women who have lives outside their close family relationships are the happiest both inside and outside their marriages. They ooze confidence and positive energy precisely because a man doesn’t define them.
The power of sisterhood and feminine energy is not to be underestimated. It is so beautiful and so wholesome, that anyone sitting with a group of truly secure and loving women, will feel positive and energised. That cosy fuzzy feeling we talk about, yes, that one, comes alive when there is real sisterly love around us.
rghazal@thenational.ae
On Twitter: @Arabianmau
