Rumours and gossip will only lead to heartache

Rym Ghazal wonders why we speculate so much about other people's private lives

A scene from the movie Bridget Jones's Diary.

A man and a woman are sitting together at a cafe in a mall in Dubai. They are chatting and laughing, and at one point, the man (let’s call him Mr X) leans in for a second, laughs and then moves back. This was enough for a married couple sitting near by to start speculating about what was going on.

The couple took photos with their smartphones, and the wife sent these photos to Mr X’s wife. Needless to say these images caused big problems for Mr X, who insisted he was just sitting with a colleague.

Now there is talk of a divorce, and interestingly enough, instead of friends trying to calm both sides down, I see them adding more fuel to the fire.

“Well, I always see him flirting with women,” one friend was overheard saying. Another would add: “Yeah, they always argue.” The perception was that he was “a player” and she was “too meek”.

Casting doubts, making assumptions and spreading gossip truly hurt people and can have devastating effects.

Some studies have shown that gossip can increase self-esteem, because somehow the misfortune of others makes you feel better about yourself. Also, a recent study in the UK showed that men actually gossip more than women.

In this particular divorce story, this has been the case. The male friends of Mr X have been more venomous in their discussion.

We all know this type of chat just generates more negativity and is bad karma, and yet sometimes we fall headlong into the whirlpool of gossip.The truth of the matter is, no one really knows what happens between people behind closed doors. So just let others be.

“Judge a person by the reputation of their enemies,” says an Arabic proverb. Perhaps, in some cases, we can look at the reputation and reactions of some “close” friends.

People fall in love, they fall out of love, they marry, they divorce, they have children, they don’t have children, they are single, they are “seeing” someone and they are no longer with that person. All these “statuses” seem to be of great interest to other people. At a dinner party I went to recently, which was very similar to a scene from the first Bridget Jones movie, the couples kept badgering one of the single woman in the group: “Why aren’t you married yet?” they said, “You know it will be difficult for you to have children if you wait any longer” and “You have to stop being so picky”.

These are all assumptions and fairly useless points as I am sure the person concerned knows she has a biological clock, that she doesn’t need to be reminded of this nor to be made to feel bad about not finding Mr Right. Unless it actually helps a person, there is no need to state the obvious or make it sound like someone is wrong for choosing a particular way of life. Otherwise, it is just nasty gossip.

One friend helped dig a well in Africa, but no one at another gathering cared about her stories. All they kept saying was: “But you didn’t meet anyone?” I rarely hear such points made when a man is single. I don’t hear people telling him its “time to have children” and how he should settle down.

We forget to be kind and actually listen without waiting to voice our opinions.At a recent women’s conference, a few powerful women kept mentioning that “unless you become a mother, you are not a complete woman”.

A few women felt put off by these statements. But at the end of it all, these are just someone’s opinions. They are not facts. It is up to you whether you allow a statement to affect you or not. It is the same thing with gossip: if someone comes and tells you something about another person, it is really up to you to decide what to do with it. Just remember though, when there is a fire, it is best to put it out.

On Twitter: @Arabianmau