I ran into a friend the other day. He's a novelist.
“Hey,” I said. “I read your new novel.”
He looked at me sharply: “You read it? Does that mean you bought it?”
Authors, generally speaking, don’t care if you read their books. What they care about, mostly, is that you buy the book. Authors, perhaps because of the truly terrible economics of the publishing industry, spend most of their time worrying about sales. If you’re like me and you inevitably end up buying a lot of books you never quite get around to reading, whatever guilt you may feel about your book-cluttered night table can be assuaged by remembering that as far as all of those authors are concerned, you’ve already done your duty.
Filmmakers, unfortunately, insist that you watch their movies all the way through, which is becoming an increasingly difficult thing to do. This year's critical (and audience) favourites Spotlight and The Revenant both clock in at considerably longer than two hours. My personal feeling is that no one should be asked to watch Leonardo DiCaprio marching around in the snow for more than 90 minutes, which means that had I watched The Revenant in the cinema, I'd have been itchy and fidgety for over an hour, from the 91st minute to the closing credits, at roughly the 156th minute.
Lucky for me, I didn't have to watch The Revenant – or any of this season's Oscar-nominated pictures – at the grubby old cinema with the regular people.
Starting in November, Hollywood “insiders” start receiving DVD copies of the year’s most award-worthy films. Since I’m a member of three entertainment industry trade unions – the Writers Guild, the Directors Guild and (surprise!) the Screen Actors Guild – my daily mail delivery for the past 90 days has almost always included a copy of some recent release.
The local term for these DVDs is "screeners", as in: "Can I borrow your screener of The Revenant? I'll lend you my screener for The Big Short."
You’re not supposed to lend, or borrow, any screeners at all. Piracy, always a major concern in Hollywood, is an even bigger concern with screeners, because many of the pictures are still in wide release and producers are hopeful that any awards that come their way, especially the Oscars, will mean a noticeable uptick in box-office revenue. So if you lend out your screeners – or, worse, give them away to your housekeeper, which a very prominent member of the Motion Picture Academy did a few years ago, only to discover that the housekeeper sent them all back to her family in South East Asia, who copied them assiduously and uploaded them to a file-sharing service – well, you get into some big trouble.
Each DVD is “watermarked” in some way – or so the Motion Picture Academy promises – and pirates will be traced back to their source, even if that source is a clueless 1950s-era movie star with a clever housekeeper.
Piracy or no piracy, mailing out DVDs of serious, high-minded and artsy pictures of all kinds is common practice in Hollywood. The idea is that, rather than force lazy procrastinators like me – and, to be honest, those words describe most of the citizens of the entertainment industry – to check the show times, get in the car, head to the local cinema, pay for a ticket and sit through a movie, the producers will just send over a copy on an easy-to-use DVD.
This system also appeals to the producers of a lot of not-so-high-minded fare, on the theory that if they can just get the awards voters to pop in the DVD of their picture, who knows what might happen?
This must be the reason that I received a copy of this summer's blockbuster action picture, Furious 7, which was a very fun and very loud car chase movie but – and I hope I'm not offending any of its fans – unlikely to win any fancy movie awards. Still, on the theory that "you never know", the producers of Furious 7 made certain that their movie was in a DVD stack along with The Revenant and Spotlight.
What industry insiders end up with, eventually, is a lot of movies to watch. Keeping up with all of the screeners is a tall order, and I have to confess that in a few instances – I’m thinking of some of the longer movies this year – I may have cheated just a bit and fast-forwarded through some of the slower bits.
I make my peace with this little bit of cheating by reminding myself that, in the first place, I'm not a member of the Motion Picture Academy, so it’s not like I'm going to be voting for anything important like the Oscars, and in the second place that everybody else does it too.
On the other hand, it may explain why often the most award-winning movies are the longest and the dullest. The voters, you see, don’t watch the dull parts. They just zip though them from the comfort of their sofas, which is something no cinema-goer has the ability to do.
Rob Long is a writer and producer in Hollywood
On Twitter: @rcbl
SPECS
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The National Archives, Abu Dhabi
Founded over 50 years ago, the National Archives collects valuable historical material relating to the UAE, and is the oldest and richest archive relating to the Arabian Gulf.
Much of the material can be viewed on line at the Arabian Gulf Digital Archive - https://www.agda.ae/en
APPLE IPAD MINI (A17 PRO)
Display: 21cm Liquid Retina Display, 2266 x 1488, 326ppi, 500 nits
Chip: Apple A17 Pro, 6-core CPU, 5-core GPU, 16-core Neural Engine
Storage: 128/256/512GB
Main camera: 12MP wide, f/1.8, digital zoom up to 5x, Smart HDR 4
Front camera: 12MP ultra-wide, f/2.4, Smart HDR 4, full-HD @ 25/30/60fps
Biometrics: Touch ID, Face ID
Colours: Blue, purple, space grey, starlight
In the box: iPad mini, USB-C cable, 20W USB-C power adapter
Price: From Dh2,099
The specs
Engine: 3.9-litre twin-turbo V8
Power: 620hp from 5,750-7,500rpm
Torque: 760Nm from 3,000-5,750rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed dual-clutch auto
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh1.05 million ($286,000)
Company%20profile
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MATCH INFO
Rugby World Cup (all times UAE)
Third-place play-off: New Zealand v Wales, Friday, 1pm
Final: England v South Africa, Saturday, 1pm
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COMPANY%20PROFILE%20
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The specs
Engine: 3.0-litre six-cylinder turbo
Power: 398hp from 5,250rpm
Torque: 580Nm at 1,900-4,800rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed auto
Fuel economy, combined: 6.5L/100km
On sale: December
Price: From Dh330,000 (estimate)
SPECS
Engine: 4-litre V8 twin-turbo
Power: 630hp
Torque: 850Nm
Transmission: 8-speed Tiptronic automatic
Price: From Dh599,000
On sale: Now
ENGLAND SQUAD
Eoin Morgan (captain), Moeen Ali, Jonny Bairstow, Sam Billings, Jos Buttler, Tom Curran, Alex Hales, Liam Plunkett, Adil Rashid, Joe Root, Jason Roy, Ben Stokes, David Willey, Chris Woakes, Mark Wood
The years Ramadan fell in May
TRAP
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Saleka Shyamalan, Ariel Donaghue
Director: M Night Shyamalan
Rating: 3/5
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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SPECS%3A%20Polestar%203
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The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre 4-cylinder petrol
Power: 154bhp
Torque: 250Nm
Transmission: 7-speed automatic with 8-speed sports option
Price: From Dh79,600
On sale: Now
Brahmastra%3A%20Part%20One%20-%20Shiva
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How to play the stock market recovery in 2021?
If you are looking to build your long-term wealth in 2021 and beyond, the stock market is still the best place to do it as equities powered on despite the pandemic.
Investing in individual stocks is not for everyone and most private investors should stick to mutual funds and ETFs, but there are some thrilling opportunities for those who understand the risks.
Peter Garnry, head of equity strategy at Saxo Bank, says the 20 best-performing US and European stocks have delivered an average return year-to-date of 148 per cent, measured in local currency terms.
Online marketplace Etsy was the best performer with a return of 330.6 per cent, followed by communications software company Sinch (315.4 per cent), online supermarket HelloFresh (232.8 per cent) and fuel cells specialist NEL (191.7 per cent).
Mr Garnry says digital companies benefited from the lockdown, while green energy firms flew as efforts to combat climate change were ramped up, helped in part by the European Union’s green deal.
Electric car company Tesla would be on the list if it had been part of the S&P 500 Index, but it only joined on December 21. “Tesla has become one of the most valuable companies in the world this year as demand for electric vehicles has grown dramatically,” Mr Garnry says.
By contrast, the 20 worst-performing European stocks fell 54 per cent on average, with European banks hit by the economic fallout from the pandemic, while cruise liners and airline stocks suffered due to travel restrictions.
As demand for energy fell, the oil and gas industry had a tough year, too.
Mr Garnry says the biggest story this year was the “absolute crunch” in so-called value stocks, companies that trade at low valuations compared to their earnings and growth potential.
He says they are “heavily tilted towards financials, miners, energy, utilities and industrials, which have all been hit hard by the Covid-19 pandemic”. “The last year saw these cheap stocks become cheaper and expensive stocks have become more expensive.”
This has triggered excited talk about the “great value rotation” but Mr Garnry remains sceptical. “We need to see a breakout of interest rates combined with higher inflation before we join the crowd.”
Always remember that past performance is not a guarantee of future returns. Last year’s winners often turn out to be this year’s losers, and vice-versa.
Joker: Folie a Deux
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga, Brendan Gleeson
Director: Todd Phillips
Rating: 2/5
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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Tree of Hell
Starring: Raed Zeno, Hadi Awada, Dr Mohammad Abdalla
Director: Raed Zeno
Rating: 4/5
RESULT
Manchester United 2 Tottenham Hotspur 1
Man United: Sanchez (24' ), Herrera (62')
Spurs: Alli (11')
if you go
The flights
Etihad and Emirates fly direct from the UAE to Seoul from Dh3,775 return, including taxes
The package
Ski Safari offers a seven-night ski package to Korea, including five nights at the Dragon Valley Hotel in Yongpyong and two nights at Seoul CenterMark hotel, from £720 (Dh3,488) per person, including transfers, based on two travelling in January
The info
Visit www.gokorea.co.uk
Company%20Profile
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The%20Killer
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Jigra
Starring: Alia Bhatt, Vedang Raina, Manoj Pahwa, Harsh Singh
Moon Music
Artist: Coldplay
Label: Parlophone/Atlantic
Number of tracks: 10
Rating: 3/5
COMPANY PROFILE
Founders: Alhaan Ahmed, Alyina Ahmed and Maximo Tettamanzi
Total funding: Self funded
Selected fixtures
All times UAE
Wednesday
Poland v Portugal 10.45pm
Russia v Sweden 10.45pm
Friday
Belgium v Switzerland 10.45pm
Croatia v England 10.45pm
Saturday
Netherlands v Germany 10.45pm
Rep of Ireland v Denmark 10.45pm
Sunday
Poland v Italy 10.45pm
Monday
Spain v England 10.45pm
Tuesday
France v Germany 10.45pm
Rep of Ireland v Wales 10.45pm
The specs
Engine: Dual 180kW and 300kW front and rear motors
Power: 480kW
Torque: 850Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Price: From Dh359,900 ($98,000)
On sale: Now
Company%20Profile
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A%20QUIET%20PLACE
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