Marriage is more than a temporary convenience

Rym Ghazal says that temporary marriages may suit some men, but they rarely benefit women.

Men may see the benefits in temporary marriages, but they are often not in women's interests. (AP Photo)

It goes by different names. It has been called a “tourist”, “summer” or “common-law” marriage. But these names have one thing in common: they all refer to temporary marriages.

It has become good business. There are temporary marriage brokers waiting at airports and tourist sites in different countries hunting down Arab men and offering them temporary brides.

A report last month in Al-Riyadh newspaper said there had been a surge in temporary marriage among Saudi men, especially older already married ones, as well as the young and poorly paid. These men find temporary wives from Asia or North Africa or war-torn countries like Syria. I have written before about Syrian brides for sale, where offers arrive via text messages and emails, such as one I received that said: "If you want to marry a beautiful fair young Syrian woman, contact ..." Vulnerable women are always targets and trafficking them is, unfortunately, good business for the vultures operating across the world.

Sometimes when women reach a certain age, have difficult circumstances and haven’t been able to find suitable husbands, they enter into these temporary marriages willingly, some in the hope that it blooms into something more meaningful.

Whatever the reasons, the Saudi Charitable Society for the Welfare of Saudi Families Abroad has warned its citizens against engaging in temporary marriage. Not only does it give rise to abuse of women, there can be children who end up fatherless, causing further problems.

Some clerics were reported to condone some forms of temporary marriage, such as “jihad marriage” where men fighting can temporarily marry the women they capture and, “work marriages” for colleagues working together for many hours.

Depending on the doctrine, there are different thoughts on temporary marriages.

Some have called temporary marriage “halal dating”, because in a sense, the marital rights of the partners are not observed, such as providing a home and financial support.

I can imagine lots of men liking this kind of arrangement, as it offers all the benefits of marriage without any responsibilities.

Of course it is a complicated matter, with some scholars calling for a complete ban on this kind of marriage.

What is not helping matters is that we regularly hear how there is a rise in spinsterhood, which is a term I loathe. The word “spinster” rose from women who spun wool for a living. Popular culture, news, books and films constantly poke fun at spinsters, and it goes back hundreds of years, where they have been portrayed as too finicky, desperate, needy or not good looking enough. The term has a lot of stigma attached to it.

As always, society and expectations are harder on women than men. Women always reach what is termed an “unmarriageable” age, whatever that may be, while for men, age rarely seems to be a factor. One time I saw a man who seemed to be in his 60s harassing a teenage girl in a shopping mall in Riyadh.

“Hey grandpa! Leave the child alone,” I said to him in Arabic. He looked embarrassed and left the premises immediately.

While this grandfather was stopped, there are many more older men travelling to poorer countries to feed with promises of “marriage” on the vulnerable and innocent girls out there, who simply don’t know any better.

Actually, some men don’t have to go as far, they simply drive over to the poorer neighbourhoods in their own countries and enter into these temporary marriages, to later discard and divorce these women. They don’t even spare them a second thought.

On Twitter: @Arabianmau