Why a lavish wedding ceremony does not guarantee a happy marriage

The Al Falak Ballroom at Burj Al Arab, one of the many extravagant venues where weddings are held in the Emirates. Photo: Jumeirah

It is the biggest day of your life, or so you are led to believe.

Expectations are high and when hundreds of guests arrive to witness you and your partner promising to share your lives together in holy union, you want them to leave having had a day they will never forget.

It is tempting to go overboard, and with rising costs it pains me to hear friends say they are still willing to pay a million dirhams (about $272,000) to get married, and they consider it reasonable for an event where their make-up alone costs more than Dh20,000.

There is not a lot of research on the cost of Emirati weddings, but a study from six years ago showed that the average cost was already more than Dh680,000, meaning by 2023 it may well have crossed the seven-figure threshold.

For a long time, authorities have been concerned about the causes of Emirati debt, and one of the biggest culprits is lavish weddings.

Rooted in UAE history

As far back as when the UAE Founding Father, the late Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan, was President, citizens have been advised to have a modest ceremony in order to start a stable life together without debt. For this reason, the UAE regularly hosts group weddings where young couples can marry without an inordinate price tag.

Sheikh Zayed requested that the first group wedding be organised in Al Ain in 1999. The biggest mass wedding coincided with the Year of Giving, in 2017, when 530 Emirati men and women married at Al Ain Centre for Conferences and Celebrations.

And in May last year, President Sheikh Mohamed attended a mass wedding in Abu Dhabi to show his support.

I am writing about the expense of weddings because it continues to be an issue in 2023.

My own example demonstrates how easy it is to get carried away with grand gestures, giving guests the ultimate experience and gifting them top-of-the-line gadgets and expensive ouds so that the night is never forgotten.

I understand the desire to have the best of everything, but the point is to begin a life together, not create years of debt repayments.

Some things seem important at the time. I remember refusing to give my guests a buffet dinner, opting for the more expensive sit-down menu, and when it came to entertainment only a famous musician would do.

I remember the price of the wedding planner, the flower garden theme and the gifts, but I don't remember asking what the cost would be to my marriage.

At only 22, I would have appreciated being told what was really important. Being together, creating a partnership and ensuring a happy marriage. Debt makes them all much harder to achieve.

Arab hospitality is known to be one of the most generous in the world, but there are other ways to show generosity that don’t involve spending millions of dirhams and burdening your marriage.

Government initiatives

In a push to save young couples from entering into a life of debt, officials are suggesting other ways to celebrate the momentous occasion without depleting the bank account.

A few years ago, there was a push to serve only coffee and dates at the male ceremonies to cut down expenses and food waste. While it did reduce food waste, it did little to limit costs because the female parties only got bigger and grander.

Instead of paying a minimum of Dh150,000 for a wedding party – on top of the large feasts (where a lot of food ends up going to waste anyway) – why not host a smaller party with close friends and family?

One wedding instead of two would suffice, and guests do not need to be gifted luxury items. They are there to see you marry your partner.

You can spend thousands of dirhams on flowers or just a few hundred. Either way you will only see them for a few hours before they are disposed of.

With all the excitement about my wedding, I don’t remember being happy – I remember being stressed. The lasting memory is the food, some of which went to waste, and the money spent, which could have gone towards an investment for my children.

Guests leave with full bellies and fancy gifts, but the husband and wife spend years paying for a party that was only ever designed to impress others.

So today, when my young daughter tells me that she dreams of arriving at her wedding in a golden carriage pulled by four white horses, I remind her that fairy tales are not real. That night may be special, but for years thereafter you will be left with debts to pay.

“Wouldn’t you rather use money to buy a small house for yourself and your husband, Alyazia?” I ask her. “That way you can enjoy your marriage, without worrying about debt.”