If your children are afraid of exams, maybe you are partly to blame

Education, we are told, is a life-long process. So it should be, because there is always much new to learn while some earlier knowledge becomes outdated and no longer of value. And so, I try to keep on picking up new information, although it is now many years since I have sat for any formal examinations. I have also been successful in avoiding mandatory refresher courses, training programmes and the like, which seem to occupy an inordinate amount of time in some professions. One wonders whether these are often of much use. For instance, can a trainer in his or her twenties, thirties or forties have much to teach me about allegedly essential topics such as "D and I" (diversity and inclusion for the uninitiated)? I have, after all, worked side by side with people of different nationalities, cultures and beliefs, and personal orientations, for the whole of my working life. Despite having escaped formal examinations and tests since finishing university, I do remember not just the value of the qualifications that I gained – and the limitations on that value, when set against experience – but also the stress and strain that accompanied my colleagues and I, as we studied for, and then sat for, the exams. It seems a long time ago now, but I was reminded of it last weekend when my teenage daughter had to take her SAT test. She was, unsurprisingly, a little nervous, aware that she had perhaps not prepared as well as she might have usually done. She had displayed panic during some earlier mock exams a few years ago, and that something similar might occur this time did worry me. When it came to the crunch, fortunately, she seemed to be able to keep her nerves more or less under control – although not until the results come through will we know whether she had actually done enough preparation. But she is aware that, while we may be disappointed if she doesn’t do as well as we believe she should, we do not view this exam as a marker that will determine, for now and for ever more, whether she is going to make something of her life. She has stumbled before and may well do so again. However, provided that we are satisfied that a proper degree of effort has been put in, we – and she – will work with the results that she achieves. While trying to keep her own nerves under control as she waited for the examination hall to be opened, my daughter got a good lesson in what panic under pressure could really mean. A fellow student was almost shaking with nerves, clutching her exam paraphernalia tightly to her chest and scarcely able to talk. My daughter, relieved, perhaps, to find someone more nervous than she was, tried hard to reassure the girl, eventually walking with her into the exam room and wishing her good luck. The underlying cause of the problem, apparently, was that the girl’s parents had put her under enormous pressure, telling her that she must achieve very high results or she would be a failure and a deep disappointment. It’s well known that this kind of pressure is often placed on students by their parents. High-achieving parents eager for their children to follow suit and parents who hope to lay their disappointments in their own past record to rest through their children excelling – both can adopt such an approach. Having realistic expectations is, perhaps, a more helpful approach, but there are always cases where parents will set the targets too high, without taking into account the stress that this can cause to their offspring. Some students can, and do, reach them. For others, though, the pressure can be brutal and the impact of failure severe. Over the years, watching my own extended family and others, I have seen early stars who fizzle out, late developers and others who steadily, with a few hiccups, have moved onwards and upwards. I certainly caused my own parents considerable disappointment at one stage in my own education. I have seen modest parental assistance and encouragement and benign neglect, both of which seem sometimes to have worked. Fortunately, I have never had to observe at close hand a situation in which parental pressure to perform well in exams leads their offspring to arrive on the day of the exam in a state of fright. It's very hard to believe that this can be in the best interests of the student or an ideal way of producing the best exam results. More exams lie ahead for many thousands of students. For many, thanks to Covid-19, it will be the first "normal" exams they have faced. I wish them well. And I hope that their parents will encourage them, not burden them with expectations. Whether results are good, bad or indifferent, the process of learning will continue for the rest of their lives.