Dubai dad uses conflict management skills to help fathers overcome their fears

Kline Martin says 'fear of not doing it right' is the main cause for concern of men he mentors

Dubai resident Kline Martin set up coaching, mentoring and support network Dadee Services. Pawan Singh / The National

You’d be forgiven for thinking that a man who has spent his life working in some of the world’s most volatile regions would find fatherhood a breeze. After all, what’s a crying baby or night-time nappy change compared to seeing war and conflict up close on a daily basis, or writing final farewell letters to loved ones before each trip, just in case?

But for international security specialist and qualified hostage negotiator Kline Martin, fatherhood opened his eyes to a different crisis.

“I have been immersed in conflict the majority of my life, so, why not be in a conflict I see on a daily basis, the conflict most men have, which is: 'What am I doing as a dad?'” he tells The National.

The father of one, who lives in Dubai, says his own anxiety around the kind of dad he would like to be inspired him to start Dadee Services. The coaching, mentoring and support network can be accessed by fathers at any stage of their parenting journey. It offers a safe and nurturing environment where they can talk about the challenges they face and express honest thoughts and feelings.

“I didn’t have a good rule book,” Martin says of fatherhood. “I looked for guidance and there wasn’t very much to help me understand the gravity of the situation. When talking to other dads, they’d just say: ‘You’ll figure it out’, but me just figuring it out wasn’t where I wanted to be. I wanted to be a decent dad.”

He applies his security training – which encompasses counter terrorism, criminology, psychology and studying negotiation and conflict resolution at Columbia University – to everyday parenting.

“I coach dads through real-world challenges, focusing on conflict resolution, communication and personal growth,” he adds. “Whether helping clients advance in their careers or relocate their families, my goal is always to empower fathers with the tools they need to succeed.

“Men are told that they should have all the answers simply by dint of being a man, and that simply isn’t the case. I’m building emotional intelligence through scientific tools that support men to become more engaged and more present.

“When I became a qualified hostage negotiator, we looked at tactical empathy and how to apply that," he adds. "This gave me the background to help break through personal structures, such as feelings of being overwhelmed, and offering basic things you can do to buy yourself some time to be able to get back to the sweet spot of parenting.”

Martin, who is from Australia, says the “fear of not doing it right” is the main cause of concern for the men he mentors. “Fear continues to be a part of modern fatherhood. There is so much information out there leading you to constantly ask yourself: “Am I selecting the right parts?'”

His list of how to be an engaged and present dad is short but emotionally dense. “The ability to say sorry, so humility, is number one,” he says. “Second is the ability to listen with intent and to be thoughtful, to understand that words have significant impact that can last a generation.

"Fathers need to question their understanding constantly of where they are, because the dad today is not the same dad tomorrow. He evolves and has a growth mindset; he can lean into being a little bit uncomfortable at times.”

For Martin, who is neurodiverse, no two days look the same, although they are a far cry from globetrotting around the world’s war zones. He takes his daughter to school – a daily routine he calls a “luxury” – and carries out speaking engagements around his mentoring sessions and meetups. Yoga and cooking are his ways of relaxing and disengaging from the day.

“Managing ambiguity is a strong quality I have, and I enjoy helping people lay the foundations to be able to handle the ambiguity of parenting,” he says. “I want to connect men to become strong dads and be a stronger generation moving forward. The aim is to create emotionally intelligent men and fathers who are not silenced or stigmatised and don’t suffer in silence with their mental health.”