From Yemen to the UAE via India, my sense of home is defined by people, not places

After my family and I were uprooted from our home in Sanaa, here's how I've learnt to cope with impermanence

A young Dona outside their home in Sanaa, Yemen. Dona Cheriyan / The National

My family and I recently moved to Abu Dhabi after almost a decade in Dubai. For those who don’t live in the UAE, this might seem like a simple thing. After all, they're only about a 90-minute drive apart.

But ask any resident in the UAE and you’ll find that there is a level of attachment that people have to the emirate they live in. Many people would rather commute hundreds of kilometres daily than move emirates.

However, I was not affected at all when we moved, despite having lived in Dubai all these years, first with my parents and then with my husband. My mother-in-law, who has been a Dubai resident for less time than any of us, felt sad to leave our home. My husband too had grown fond of the apartment, especially since it was where we brought our daughter home for the first time. It's not that I had no sentimental memories in the home, but as we drove away I am pretty sure I did not even look back. To me, it’s just a place with four walls.

I was born in Sanaa and it was home for our family for more than 20 years. We moved twice while living there, and it was there that I spent 16 years of my life.

After I left to study in India, I stayed in a boarding school in Kerala and later in Pune, then with my grandparents and at various relatives’ homes in Kerala. Eventually, I got used to not having my own room, as I came to consider them as temporary living situations. Home for me was always Sanaa, where I travelled back and forth between holidays.

In 2011, when the political situation in Yemen worsened, my parents, brother and I were forced to leave the country for our safety. It soon dawned on me that we had no home base to go back to, and began to feel like strangers in our own country. My brother found it even harder than I did – he didn’t know how to read our native language, Malayalam, or how to navigate the different cultural and social nuances.

That’s when I came up with an idea to help him. But honestly, it was also to help myself cope. I told him that we need to accept the idea that home could no longer be tied to a house, a town or even a country. I told him that home is wherever the four of us were together.

Years later, my parents moved to Dubai with my brother and I followed them soon after. When I married, my husband was added to the "list". So now, you could send me anywhere and if I had these five people with me, I would still be at home. This coping mechanism has helped me a lot. No matter where I am or where I go, I know exactly where my happy place is.

But it can also be a bit sad. I recently overheard my husband talk to our daughter about his ancestral home in Kerala and how it is now hers. He told her about the 100-year-old school he studied in and regaled her with stories about the friends he grew up with. I have no such places to show, having lost them to regional conflict.

I also feel a sense of instability sometimes. I know friends who have properly settled down, found new friends, decorated their houses and go about their routines – everything that can make a place feel like home. I feel unable to immerse myself in such things because there is always a thought in the back of my head that things could change.

I hope I can teach my daughter my coping mechanism so she knows that her dad and I will always be "home" no matter where we are. But I also want her to have memories and experiences that can give her a sense of belonging.

After a decade in the UAE, the longest I have been anywhere since Yemen, I know there is no place more perfect for her to do that. The country is safe and beautiful and has the perfect mix of cultures for her to grow up to be a well-rounded sensitive person.

We have only lived in Abu Dhabi for six months and I love it just as much as Dubai. The city has a relaxed laidback vibe and is perfect for families. Moving here has been exciting because it is a new start, a new apartment and new places to see. But my true home is still the people I am with.