One man's mission to end prostate cancer stigma and build a support network in Dubai

Few men are aware of the disease and even fewer talk about it, but that is something Steve Ashby is determined to change

Steve Ashby, right, was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer on August 1. Photo: Steve Ashby

It was just another Thursday morning for Steve Ashby, a Dubai resident who loves cycling alongside the beach in Jumeirah. He picked up his gear and set out for a 30km ride before sunrise.

In the afternoon, however, Ashby was meant to meet his doctor to discuss concerns that he might have prostate cancer. Recalling the events of August 1, Ashby, 70, tells The National: “I had been doing affirmations to 'will' it out of my body. I went for a ride that day and pushed really hard as I thought that would help.”

However, that afternoon, his worst fears were confirmed. The New Zealand national, who has been living in the UAE for 17 years, was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. It had already spread to his lymph nodes.

“The doctor said it's treatable, not curable,” he says. “I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know where to start with it.”

'I don't want to die'

Ashby went home that day feeling devastated. He did not immediately tell his family because, he says, he simply couldn't.

According to Prostate Cancer UK, prostate cancer is the most common type among men, with more than 52,000 cases diagnosed every year on average. Statistics also suggest that someone dies from it every 45 minutes. “I thought I'll be one of them,” says Ashby. “But I don't want that. I don't want to die.”

He crawled on to his bed that afternoon with his cats, thinking about all the things he still wanted to do. An active man even at 70, Ashby ran marathons for as long as he could and still cycles “like there's no tomorrow”.

He even went for a ride the day after his diagnosis, albeit a more sombre one than his usual jaunts.

“I've got all these things to do and I started to think: does this mean I have to start making a bucket list? I hadn't planned to do that until I was 90,” he says.

As harrowing as the news was, Ashby says he has a positive disposition and was quick to console himself and decide he was going to fight.

“I didn't think life's unfair because I never do, but what I find difficult to come to terms with is that I want to fight it but don't know what I am fighting,” he says. “I can't ride harder. I can't do some more dieting. I can't drink more or drink less, eat this or not eat that.

“It's not like falling off the bike or getting a spine injury from running. This is inside me. I can't see it, I can't feel it, I've got no pain. All I know is I've got this thing inside me that could kill me.”

On the Rise

Ashby's research into the disease led to another hurdle: he couldn't find a community to get peer support, at least in the UAE. “When I tried to talk to the guys I cycle with about prostate cancer, they didn't know anything about it. They didn't know about testing. They didn't know about early detection,” he says.

It dawned on Ashby that this lack of awareness was concerning in itself. “These guys are in their 50s, so they should know this stuff, but they don't. So I thought, OK, this is not just me,” he says. “I realised there are thousands of men who don't know enough.”

A study by Merck and Cerner Enviza in 2022 suggests that stigma among men who have been diagnosed with prostate cancer runs deep. Research from a sample group of 200 metastatic prostate cancer patients found that 39 per cent didn't share their feelings with loved ones in order to project some semblance of strength. They either felt “uncomfortable, embarrassed or vulnerable” talking about their cancer.

Ashby also found that men “bottle it up because it impacts their sense of masculinity”. He adds: “They know there's something down there, but they just ignore it. But here's the thing, ignoring prostate cancer does not make it go away. So I thought maybe I could do something about that.”

With his extensive experience of change management, Ashby, who has his own consulting company, is now using his professional skills to deal with this massive change to his life.

Soon after his diagnosis last month, Ashby founded Rise, an event series that he hopes will build a strong community for men who are dealing with prostate cancer. The first event takes place on September 18 at Raw Coffee Company in Al Quoz, and the owner is providing the venue for free.

It takes a village

“There's been an incredible outpouring of people wanting to help. It's been unbelievable,” Ashby says. Among the attendees are a urologist guest speaker; a men's psychology expert and a fitness coach.

Serving as a platform for men with prostate cancer to meet each other is just one of the goals. Rise also aims to raise awareness of early detection, treatment options, mental health and other lifestyle concerns. Ashby also aims to host monthly gatherings.

Interested participants can register through Rise's website, we-rise.live. On it is a succinct summary of Ashby's disposition about his sickness: “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

He will also continue to ride, he says. Asked where his willpower stems from, Ashby says he has always been a challenger of sorts. His family would often describe him as being different, even odd. So it's not uncharacteristic of Ashby to envision “changing the world for thousands of men”, as he hopes.

Recalling his school days, Ashby says: “My sister once told me: 'You'd be reading a book while the class was on and the teacher was giving a lesson.'

“It took me years to get over the fact that my family thought I was different. It took me years to turn being different into a powerful, positive and motivating force, not just for me, but for other people. This is my time.”