Sensitivity to our customs can help build trust

On the subject of manners

Dear Ali: Can you highlight some of the important things that we should consider doing when interacting with Arabs? How would they view it if someone came to my office and I didn’t stand up, for example, even if I still shook their hand? Also, am I allowed to say “mashallah”? And how important is it for a non-Muslim to say, when mentioning Prophet Mohammed, the phrase “peace be upon him”? JT, Abu Dhabi

Dear JT: All of the above comes under one subject which is manners, and I thank you for bringing up such a great question. I will do my best to address as many points as possible.

When you don’t stand up while someone is approaching you to say hello or shake your hand it comes across as rude, especially if the person approaching you is older than you or in a higher status or position at work. So I would recommend that you always stand to welcome whomever you meet. If you’re a man, be aware that if you don’t grip the other man’s hand with a full, strong grip, it comes across that you are very soft and not very manly.

For women in the workplace, it is advised that you shouldn’t touch or pat a man’s shoulder; it comes across as “misbehaving” and could raise questions about your relationship with that gentleman.

Yes, you are allowed to say the word “mashallah”; in fact, it is crucial, especially when seeing someone very beautiful or good, because mashallah means “as much God wishes” so when you don’t say “mashallah” when you are appraising something beautiful or good, it can come across that you are being very jealous or that you are giving the evil eye and not blessing the thing that you are appraising.

Another faux pas: when you choose to say Persian Gulf instead of Arabian Gulf, it comes across that you are anti-Arab. Or when you invite someone for a drink knowing that he is a Muslim. Muslims don’t drink alcohol and even if they do, they still prefer not to be invited as it could harm their reputation in society. However, this varies from one group to another in each part of the Muslim world.

Another potential embarrassment is the use of obscenities, which leads people to believe that you are very unethical or impolite and that you are not very pleasant to be around.

Regarding the phrase “peace be upon him”, commonly abbreviated as PBUH, it’s not expected from non-Muslims, however it is such a refreshing thing when we hear it from them since all Muslims would use the same for all prophets including Jesus Christ, peace be upon him. So when you don’t say “Prophet Mohammed – peace be upon him”, it comes across to some people as disrespectful and that you are very ignorant about the Prophet’s greatness. But of course many will just understand that you’re not really aware of the significance of saying the phrase.

Ali Al Saloom is a cultural adviser and public speaker from the UAE. Follow @AskAli on Twitter, and visit www.ask-ali.com to ask him a question and to find his guidebooks to the UAE, priced at Dh50.

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