The air bag: Marrying a new arrival with a sporty coupé

As a two-door, sporty coupé, surely my Volkswagen Scirocco will need to quickly be replaced by an enormous SUV? I’m having none of it.

Fitting a car seat is a motoring necessity for parents. iStockphoto.com

You might reasonably think that, being 43 years old, I would have had all the possible curve balls thrown at my life by now – but no. A short while ago, after I got home from the office one night, Mrs H told me I needed to sit down because there was something she needed to tell me. A woman telling any man that they “need to talk” is enough to strike morbid fear into his heart. I was fully expecting to hear the news that our trusty Volkswagen Scirocco had been involved in another smash. What I wasn’t expecting was to hear that she was “expecting”.

My son is 20 years old and about to start his final year at university in the United Kingdom, and here I am, about to go through it all again. He says he’s still trying to “process” the information. Truth be told, so am I. And one of the topics of conversation that keeps rearing its ugly head is what we are to do with said Scirocco. As a two-door, sporty coupé, surely it will need to quickly be replaced by an enormous SUV if we as a family of three are to lead anything ­approaching a normal existence? This has been the thought process of my dear wife, but I’m having none of it.

Compact it might be, but the Scirocco does have two individual rear seats and, unlike some so-equipped sports cars, they are entirely usable. I know, I’ve been a passenger in them and there’s more than enough room for a normal-sized adult, never mind an infant. It also has something rather important going for it: a five-star Euro NCAP safety rating. Yes, the diminutive VW is a veritable fortress on wheels, and I’d feel far happier knowing that both Mrs H and junior were bombing around Dubai in something that will withstand a collision without folding up like an aluminium drink can.

So there’s enough interior room to cope with another Hackett and integrity in its construction. But what, asks Mrs H, about boot space? I’m ­constantly ­bombarded with lists of essential things we’ll need to buy and cart around with us wherever we go, but again, I see no reason to make our lives more complicated or expensive than they already are.

A week ago, we spent an ­obscene amount of money on a pram and a car seat that, if all goes to plan, will last until junior is able to go out and earn a living to support his dribbling parents. The pram (or stroller, if you must) is a funky-looking thing that my wife says is the best. She read about it online, apparently. The same goes for the seat, which I have to admit is a brilliant piece of engineering design, but she remained defiant: no way would they fit in the Scirocco.

So out I went with the sales assistant to prove that they would. The pram fits in the boot with ease, while the seat attaches itself nicely to the “Isofix” anchors nestled between the rears of the car. I see no need whatsoever to trade in the car I love for something that says I’ve just given up on life, but the battle is not yet won.

What, she enquires, about the awkwardness she’ll face when putting junior into the seat while it’s in the back? I have no answer for that one I’m afraid, so I fear that a session of experimentation will ensue once these hideously expensive items are delivered in the next few days. No matter what ensues, though, I’ll find a way around any potential problems to ensure the Scirocco is kept in our parking space for many years to come. Besides, keeping hold of our car and ­eschewing anything larger will ultimately help the planet, which will benefit your kids as well as mine. That’s my last-ditch excuse, and I’m sticking to it.

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