With unstained white walls and astoundingly clean grey floors, Abu Dhabi's Royal Garage Bentley workshop in Musaffah is like a hospital. The cars in the bays have their own personalities and stories, complete with paperwork that needs specialist deciphering. Computer print-outs and scrawly handwriting, like the charts on the ends of hospital beds, accompany every patient of the four-wheeled variety. Even the staff, immaculate in dark-green polo shirts, are qualified in "diagnostics". Osman Hussein, who is in charge of the parts department, has everything alphabetised like a medical library. Indeed, the staff here are not your average grease monkeys; there is hardly even any grease to be seen.
As well as Bentleys, the workshop services Rolls-Royce cars up to the 2003 model year, after which the marque split from Bentley and Rolls-Royce was taken over by BMW. As part of the Al Habtoor Motors franchise, the centre also looks after Aston Martins. My visit coincided with a service promotion whereby customers could take advantage of a free check-up. "If we find any problems, we can then give the customers an estimate and let them decide what they want to do," says Les Hall, the service manager. "Some people decide if it is a small fault, they can live with it," says Lee Johnson, the technical manager, but he strongly advises customers to take action on any problem that relates to safety, such as brakes.
"The old cars are very different to the new cars; the new cars can have 36 computers in them. We don't have mechanics here, we have technicians," says Hall. Apprenticeship to be a Bentley mechanic takes three years, with opportunities for further training at the factory in Crewe, UK. The cars in the shop retain a certain dignity, even in varying states of dismantlement. But there is opportunity to marvel at some frivolity, too. A 1969 Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow was being fitted with a modified air conditioning component because the original part is no longer available. Climate control issues are not its focal point, however - the paintwork is. It was painted by students for a charity auction in dark purple, navy blue and burnt orange with turquoise squares and Arabic characters. "It wasn't a very good paint job, they made a mess of it," laughs Hall, pointing out the dimpled, orange-peel effect on the boot, but adds that the current owner is happy to keep the novelty livery. "It's something a bit different, I suppose."
Hall has worked for Bentley and Rolls-Royce for more than 20 years and has seen a lot of automotive history in the line of duty. He shows me a few older Rolls-Royces with hand-soldered grilles and the craftsmen's initials engraved inside. Pointing out one inscribed with a "JJ", he smiles and says, "John Jones, I know him! He's a nice guy." Nearby, another grand classic, a 1976 Rolls-Royce convertible in white with a black roof and slightly wobbly red pinstripe, is hoisted up for inspection. Here, as at every bay, there is a simple grey metal cabinet where all the necessary tools are stored as well as dispenser hoses for fluids and air. "Everything the technicians need is there, they don't have to leave the bay for anything," explains Hall as one of the staff members pulls out a long hose to inflate a tyre. Akhtar Parvez is one of the characters of the workshop, a Bentley guru with experience in the UAE and Saudi Arabia. He is checking the coolant in a dark green 2000 Bentley Arnage Red Label when I meet him. "I have worked for 12 years, always with Bentley and Rolls-Royce. It is very good, no problem for me," he says, adding that he has done a training course at the Bentley factory in Crewe, which he enjoyed. Among the cars here for a check-up, some costly problems have been spotted, providing cautionary tales for drivers of expensive cars. A red, late-model Bentley GT has burst a suspension diaphragm. "See how the front of the car is down on one side?" asks Johnson. "He has hit a speed bump too hard. "People here will drive a Range Rover really slowly over a speed hump as if it is mountain, but they'll take a car like a Bentley and drive it harder." Another GT, this one in white, has been brought in for the free check-up by someone who recently bought the car secondhand. "I know this car!" exclaims Akhdar excitedly as the 2003 model is hoisted. But looking underneath, it becomes clear that the buyer didn't get to know the car quite as well before parting with his cash. Under the grille, the bodywork is badly cracked and marked by the telltale yellow paint from Abu Dhabi's kerbs. Few of these repairs, whether cosmetic or mechanical, come cheap, but Johnson says one of the main factors that drives up the price is the sheer time it can take to diagnose a problem. With so many computers in the new models and so many components in all the cars, finding even a small niggle can take a while. There is even a special trolley for resting the engine and gearbox if they have to be completely removed - because there is so much under the bonnet, accessing a lot of the components, "even some Dh50 part" can require the removal of the entire engine, Johnson says. The purpose-built trolley is "used quite a bit". Upstairs in the bodyshop, there is a mix of patients - some cars are wounded road warriors in for smash repair work, while others are in for restoration. It is a painstaking process for any job, considering the complexities and the materials involved. A 1999 black Bentley Continental SC is undergoing a month's worth of interior and exterior restoration. Today, new door sills are being welded in place. The old sills were irreparably rust-damaged and had to be cut out and replaced with new ones fabricated in the workshop.
Meanwhile, a silver-grey metallic Bentley GT Speed was getting a new coat of paint on its scratched door sills in the spray booth. The colour of the car was the evocatively named Moonbeam Silver; to achieve an exact match is a scientific process in itself. Babu Krishnan, the body workshop foreman with 21 years experience with Bentley, mixes precisely measured weights of different colours - as well as the base - to a container on a set of scales. Once mixed, he compares the blend to a sample swatch - it is exactly the same colour. In another corner sits a smashed Continental, where it has been for two months. A driver rear-ended the white car, and it is awaiting the end of some legal wrangling before the badly damaged rear and slightly damaged front can be repaired. But the owner is relieved to know his pride and joy is in safe hands and will be restored to roadworthiness in due course. As a courtesy, it seems, the car is parked so it has a view out of a window. Johnson and I take the dark green Arnage out for a test drive - a steering vibration has been sorted out and it doesn't have any of the rattles you'd expect from a 10-year-old car. He is confident there will be another satisfied customer. Clients' privacy is protected by the staff, but there are a few details permitted. A white 1996 Bentley Continental that was one of a limited number based on the Sultan of Brunei's specifications is getting a few leaks fixed. And awaiting collection was a Bentley Turbo-R once owned by a Saudi princess. As women are banned from driving in Saudi, she kept it in Marbella, Spain, where she could drive it to her heart's content. It was sold to a buyer who imported it to the UAE - and, like the other cars in the workshop, it is still being given the royal treatment. glewis@thenational.ae