My shrinking list of things I swore I’d never do as a parent

In my naivety, I had never considered the possibility of landing the World’s Pickiest Eater as a daughter.

Before Baby A was born, I remember reading several articles on the harmful side effects of allowing kids under the age of two to watch television. Parents are discouraged from exposing young children to screen time and television viewing in particular has been linked to everything from an increased risk of obesity and attention deficit disorder to delayed language and motor skills.

I vowed that the television would never be on in our house and certainly not before our daughter turned two.

In my naivety, I had never considered the possibility of landing the World’s Pickiest Eater for a daughter.

Her Dictatorship has finely honed the talent of holding a bite of food in her mouth indefinitely; she will not swallow, lest a second bite follow the first. I have been known to send my 14-month-old kid to her nursery school with a bite of banana or egg in her mouth, nestled there until she’s prompted to greet her teacher. She’s 16 months old now and the situation is no better.

So, I have become reliant on the iPad. If a dancing and singing Elmo on some old episodes of Sesame Street will distract my daughter enough to make her swallow her breakfast (and lunch, dinner and snacks in between), so be it. And Mr T, witness to my travesties in feeding our daughter, supports me all the way.

One of the main reason I never wanted to rely on the TV or iPad to feed Baby A is because I didn’t want her to associate television watching with stuffing her face – something her mother is exceptionally good at. I’ll have to find another way to make sure she realises that “screen time” does not necessarily equate to “snacking time”.

We haven’t, yet, taken the iPad to restaurants with us. However, those days are numbered. Already, we drag about 10 animal figurines, five books, crayons, a notebook, a baby doll with her accompanying wardrobe, utensils and fake bottle of milk, a puzzle and three finger puppets to every restaurant – it’s our distraction arsenal. Mr T said it best the last time he had to lug the nappy bag: “Wouldn’t it be easier if we just bring the damn iPad?”

Oh, we will, soon enough. And then we can add that – together with the TV/iPad watching – to the below list of things I swore I’d never do as a parent – all of which, in reality, I do all the time:

• Let her sleep in our bed. (Try remembering that at four in the morning after the baby has woken you up five times already.)

• Let her eat fries. (Considering how little she eats, I’d gladly feed her anything she’ll actually swallow.)

• Use my shirt to wipe her nose. (Tissues are not always at hand.)

• Drive home the extra-extra-extra long way because she’s finally asleep. (Actually, I’ve even hung out in my car and read a book for her entire nap time.)

• Put my hand under her mouth to catch her vomit. (If you cared about your rug and/or upholstery, or more importantly, don’t want to spend an afternoon scrubbing them down, you’d understand.)

I am happy to report, however, that I don’t own a minivan nor live in the suburbs. But let’s be honest: that’s only thanks to Mr T and his powers of restraint.

Hala Khalaf is a freelance writer based in Abu Dhabi