Mini consumers

We talk to experts about materialistic children and how it's up to parents to teach them the value of possessions.

The psychologist Gaynor Sbuttoni suggests getting children to save up for half of an expensive item, such as a tablet, and match their half.

We might live in a consumer culture, but that doesn't mean we want our children to be obsessed with having "the next big thing". Recently, my four-year-old said: "When I grow up I want to earn loads of money so I can buy whatever I want." I was shocked - these certainly aren't the values I've been trying to raise her with. However, it's not hard to see where she got the idea from - she watches kids' TV in the morning and the advertisements are packed with products targeted at children.

While a knee-jerk reaction might involve banning television, it's impossible to completely shield your child from materialism. And according to the experts, whether your child swallows the consumer dream whole or not depends on the parents.

"Children are impressed by parental actions. If parents are materialistic, then children will be materialistic too," says Dr Raymond Hamden, a psychologist at the Human Relations Institute in Dubai. "When the attitude of the parent is to flaunt family wealth, then children may believe human superiority is measured by monetary goods."

So what impression are we giving our children? There's no denying that the UAE, as a society, is embracing luxury goods. According to a report by the real estate firm, CB Richard Ellis (CBRE), a recent surge of new retailers has pushed Dubai into the number one spot alongside London in terms of market penetration for major retail brands. And as Dubai becomes more saturated by international chains, CBRE expects international retailers will increasingly target nearby Abu Dhabi and other Gulf markets such as Kuwait City and Doha.

Put simply, luxury is the norm in the UAE and the obsession with designer shoes and handbags, for example, shows no sign of slowing. The mega shopping malls that stock global brands feed this designer lifestyle, which has no relationship with what people actually need. According to the Dubai Chamber of Commerce & Industry, the demand for luxury cars remains strong in the UAE, despite the development of public transport infrastructure.

What is the effect of all this? Materialism and an excess of luxury goods mean the young are obsessed with living a consumer lifestyle. A recent report by AMRB, a Dubai-based market research agency, found that Emirati teenagers spend on average four times more (Dh378 a week), than other teenagers around the world, splashing their cash primarily on clothing, gadgets and entertainment.

Corporate consumerism has even filtered into children's play - Kidzania, an amusement park in Dubai, is a miniature world where children act out the role of consumer and employee. In the factory they bottle Coca-Cola, when they work in a restaurant it has golden arches, and the dentist office is sponsored by Crest.

While consumerism might be the norm, it's worth remembering that we're not born consumers. An obsession with acquiring more is learnt behaviour and it's often unrewarding, particularly for children. In the book The Shelter of Each Other, theauthor Mary Pipher worries that our consumer-saturated culture may be breeding feelings of narcissism, entitlement and dissatisfaction in today's kids. These feelings are reflected in the laid-back approach many Emirati young men have to education. The Ministry of Education estimates that the male dropout rate at the secondary level in public schools is around 10 per cent.

And even though our teenagers might be sporting the most desirable brands, it's not making them happy. It's simply encouraging them to want more. Indeed, a report published by the Good Childhood Inquiry, conducted by the charity The Children's Society, found that pressure on children to have the latest designer clothes and computer games is making them miserable. The report went as far as to claim that consumer society and failure to protect children from commercial pressures is partly to blame for deteriorating mental health among young people.

Fortunately, not all children are swallowed up by the consumer dream. Anusha Ramesh, a 16-year-old girl of Indian origin who lives in Dubai, enjoyed buying things just like any other teenager, until the day she came across an article about the difficulties faced by children in poverty in India. Anusha decided to help these children and encouraged all of her friends to sell their old books to raise money. Students at Dubai Modern High School got involved and raised 60,000 rupees (Dh4,483).

So, as a parent, what can you do to make sure you raise a child like Anusha, rather than a teenager obsessed with having a designer wardrobe? For starters, we need to rein in the purse strings. "Just because we can afford to buy our children something, doesn't mean we should," says the British-based psychologist, Gaynor Sbuttoni. "By doing so we are taking away the need to work for things."

Sbuttoni suggests if your child wants to buy a tablet, for example, you might agree to go halves with them and let them save up their half by doing jobs around the home. This will teach them how to live with the disappointment of not having something immediately, the ability to wait, and the value of what they are purchasing.

Similarly, it's a good idea to give your child an age-appropriate allowance, and once they've spent it all, let them go without until their next allowance is due. "We don't like the feeling of withholding," admits Sbuttoni. "But that doesn't mean it's wrong. As parents we need to teach our children to have control over their desires."

When it comes to younger children, don't fret if your child makes a fuss over something in a shop. "What's important is that you don't give in, otherwise your child will expect the gifts to keep coming," says Sbuttoni. On birthdays it's a good idea to let your child choose a few presents they would like to play with, and then gradually bring out the rest over the year. That way they will value their gifts, enjoy them more and learn to be grateful.

Although this approach is hard work, it will pay off. "Children who are encouraged to be creative and imaginative, depending less on material matters, will find life easier and will learn to be independent, adaptable and responsible," says Hamden. "Parenting is not for cowards."