There is perhaps no better feeling for an expat than the anticipation of a parental visit. Having missed them all year, you’re hoping this trip will make up for the family gatherings you could not attend.
Yet when they arrive, reality can set in and suddenly spending every waking moment with them can lead to relationships cracking under the strain of expectations.
These accounts might strike a chord with some families.
Vicki Bressan
Age 50
Nationality Australian
Occupation Administrative assistant
My mum’s 75, but her energy puts most of those half her age to shame. Her suitcases are bulging when she arrives, full of things from home we can’t get here. She considers herself a ‘black belt’ shopper and always succeeds in filling them back up again for the trip back.
Last trip, we asked Mum to bring special treats for the dog, which she did – a smelly one--kilogram bag of them. She enjoyed predicting the interest the airport sniffer dogs would take in her suitcase.
My husband always enjoys having his mother-in-law visit. She cooks his favourite meals and professionally irons his shirts, all the while lecturing me on my failings as a wife – while he nods in agreement.
Life doesn’t change much for him during Mum’s visits, as he carries on working as normal. I take three weeks off work to entertain her, then return to work exhausted.
Once, we took her on a desert-adventure tour. The company was apprehensive about her age, so tailored a gentle tour for her. They needn’t have bothered. She egged the driver on for a more exciting dune bash, clambered aboard a feisty camel with no hesitation, piled her plate high at the buffet and held her arm like a flagpole for a couple of hours until her henna tattoo dried.
One highlight Mum still talks about is when my Emirati neighbours invited us for coffee. It was a privilege to be welcomed by three lovely ladies into their home. They didn’t speak much English, but we managed to converse and had a wonderful afternoon with lots of laughs.
The cost of travel insurance for over-75s puts it out of the question for Mum to visit again. But she has great memories of her trips here.
Rachel Down
Age 34
Nationality British
Occupation Assistant school registrar
It’s nice having another helping hand around the house, and it’s more entertainment for the children. It’s also fun to show Abu Dhabi to somebody else. I get excited about it again because I get to see it through their eyes.
The difficult thing is when I have to work and they have to entertain themselves. Visitors aren’t as confidant as we are to jump in a taxi because they’re not used to it, so they’re usually stuck in the house waiting for you.
Ritu Varma
Age 28
Nationality Indian
Occupation Marketing officer
Like a lot of Indian families, my mother, who is from Bombay, refers to Dubai as a better version of India.
In India, everybody is always rushing around these days, whereas here at least you get some free time. People spend a lot of time travelling in India because there is so much traffic – a journey that used to take half an hour a few years ago now takes one-and-a-half hours – whereas here the traffic is not so bad.
When my mother came for the first time, she just wanted to see the Burj Khalifa and Burj Al Arab. Now she tells me she would love to visit the World Islands next time she comes. I said, “It’s still under construction,” and she said, “Yes, it will probably just take three months and I’ll come back and see it.” Dubai has turned out to be a cheap and easy destination for Indians to travel to.
I have a lot of old friends from college who come to to visit me at all times of the year. To be honest, I think they don’t really come to visit me, but to visit Dubai. They have friends all over the world, but they choose Dubai for the entertainment factor.
Erin Brannen
Age 34
Nationality New Zealander
Occupation Housewife
My in-laws were visiting when I went into labour six weeks early with my son. We were stuck in traffic for three hours on Sheikh Zayed Road as we tried to get to hospital. I wanted to strangle my mother-in-law because all she could do was complain about the traffic while I was getting contractions.
They’d already been here for two weeks, and it was just too much. Mostly because I was heavily pregnant and trying to entertain them over Christmas. We ended up sitting in our tiny house a lot and it got a bit boring.
Mohamed Khairy
Age 35
Nationality Egyptian
Occupation Telecoms manager
At first, my father insists on paying for meals out. He thinks it’s reasonably priced – until I remind him about the 20 per cent added to hotel bills. Towards the end of the stay, his money starts running out and the generosity dries up. Then he complains about how expensive everything is.
My father also infuriates taxi drivers by not understanding why he can’t pay his fare with a Dh500 note.
Tony Perkins
Age 32
Nationality British
Occupation Accountant
Mum’s annual six-week visit follows a pattern. There’s the initial euphoria, when it’s great to see her and we catch up on news. A week later, you come home from work one day when you’re tired and find you don’t want to have to engage with your mum. But you have to. Then you go into the biting your tongue phase. You give monosyllabic answers because you know if you give a longer answer, you’ll give the game away that you’re annoyed and end up arguing. Then you have a good row.
After that you feel guilty about the row, so you try to make it up to each other, or I try to make up to her. You feel guilty because you know you’re ready for them to leave now.
Maurice Mazzucato
Age 41
Nationality Canadian
Occupation Teacher
I’m extra nice to my wife before my mother arrives because I know when mum’s here, she’s got to look after her.
Coming from Canada, Mum’s perception of what’s cold is different to ours. We’ll be sitting in the lounge in the evening, and I know my wife’s cold but I’ve got the AC on for Mum, who’s sweating. I know my wife’s going to kill me, but I daren’t switch it off because if I do, then Mum will start moaning.
Sunish Daniel
Age 39
Nationality Indian
Occupation Orthodontist
It’s a more relaxing time for me when my in-laws are visiting. My wife is less stressed and I get relieved of my parenting duties a bit.
It’s a fun time at home with my father-in-law’s old-time Hindi classic songs and friends coming over to make things more lively – not to mention the delicious north Kerala dishes we get to taste.
My mother-in-law makes sure all the demands of my daughter and her mother are met during the few days with us. My father-in-law gets quite friendly with our neighbourhood grocers – this helped us once to find a cook when we were left without a maid.
Time flies and with a sad heart we say goodbye, as my daughter utters her oft-repeated question: “Why can’t they live with us?”
John Turner
Age 25
Nationality British
Occupation Teacher
If you lived in the same town as your parents, you’d go round to each other’s houses. But here, you have to entertain them all the time.
Mum comes for dinner with my friends and I, because I don’t want to leave her in my house on her own. She still has the ability to treat me like a kid in front them.
Kate O’Sullivan
Age 39
Nationality Irish
Occupation Housewife
My parents can’t relax knowing our maid is in the house. They even hid their laundry as they didn’t want her to deal with their smalls. Mum’s easier to occupy than Dad. We do manicures, massages, shopping, afternoon teas and beach clubs, but I never know what to do with Dad.
He just sits at home making cups of tea for the maid. Having visitors is lovely, but it messes up your routine. When they leave, you have to rekindle friendships that have been neglected and remotivate yourself to go back to exercise classes, after putting on weight from eating out all the time.
Sam Mitchell
Age 40
Nationality American
Occupation Housewife
My husband’s parents bring loads of Christmas presents for the kids, whatever time of year it is, so now they expect presents from every visitor. The first thing they say at airport arrivals is: “What have you bought me?”
The noise of the kids fighting in the car when I’m driving is harder to ignore when I know my parents can hear it too.
Laura Oxborrow
Age 28
Nationality Canadian
Occupation Teacher
My parents were excited to visit the UAE, and I was just as excited to show them my new home.
Some things surprised them – how clean it is, the number of shopping malls (and the opulence of them) and we had plenty to talk about. It was completely different to anywhere they’d travelled before.
While I was at work, they’d go off in a taxi, then we’d meet for dinner or an outing. One day they went out before we’d woken up, leaving a note saying they wanted us to have some time away from the touristy things. We were all careful not to step on anyone’s toes.
My husband is from Saudi Arabia, so Mum always has plenty of questions about the culture of the region. My husband and dad have lots in common, so like to chat. We have a one-bedroom apartment, so it can feel cramped – but we make it work. Dad makes coffee in the morning, and Mum asks if she can do laundry or help tidy up. It’s difficult when they leave, but my parents are supportive of us living here. Mum was in tears when we dropped them off at the airport, which was difficult to see, but it makes me happy that we miss each other as it means we have a strong relationship.
Lauren Coates
Age 46
Nationality British
Occupation Housewife
My mum’s 82 and not particularly mobile, so she finds British winters tough. Coming here every February gets her through the preceding winter months by giving her something to look forward to. I’m conscious my kids are only going to see her a certain number of times before she dies – or before they lose interest. Once you’re 15, you stop seeing your grandparents anyway because you’re so wrapped up in yourself. You start caring again when you’ve grown up.
Mum could live into her 90s, but she’s not going to be there when my son is in his early 20s and he realises she’s actually a person worth talking to. We try to make the most of our time with her when she’s here.
artslife@thenational.ae