College families are fascinating aspects of university life – this is when two students decide to get “college married”. No, of course they don’t get married – they’re just a male and female student who are elected to look after two freshers – “their children” – the following year. It’s nice for the freshers to have older students to help them settle in during the initial few frightening weeks of their first year away from home, and answer any questions.
There was definitely something in the air last term, which saw a rash of college marriages. My friend, Irene, even organised a mass wedding to marry off all the people falling over each other in their rush to get college hitched.
I’ve just had the privilege of attending Charlie and Chuyi’s wedding a few minutes ago. Irene and another friend, Paul, doggedly pursued Charlie and Chuyi, inviting them to the same events and casually dropping subtle hints such as: “Charlie, are you going to marry Chuyi already or not?”
When he finally decided to pop the question, we made rather elaborate plans to serenade her. The marshalled troops proceeded to Chuyi’s room in giddy, delirious anticipation, with Jaan as the obvious choice for singing soulful love ballads, while I’d fished out a mini-guitar. As it turned out, Chuyi wasn’t in her room. When Charlie finally did propose, a stale roll of bread with a hole in it functioned as the engagement ring – no one can deny he didn’t put in the effort.
Chuyi is Chinese and Charlie is British, so obviously it made perfect sense to decide on a traditional Indian wedding. According to ritual, the bride and groom walk around a bonfire seven times, with the bride holding a piece of cloth attached to the groom. A sweatshirt lying around was unceremoniously shoved into Charlie’s collar and Chuyi was handed the sleeve. We pretended the table was the fire – there wasn’t a whole lot of choice. As the presiding priest, I couldn’t find the text for the Sanskrit chants on Google so we settled for the next closest thing, which was the classic Hollywood wedding speech – you know the one that goes “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today ...”
There was a tentative suggestion of showering the couple with the nearest substitute for rose petals, which were crushed tea leaves in a pot on the table, but this was quickly quashed by Irene, whose room we were in. The bashful bride is currently spending her first hour of marital bliss doing an essay on her laptop across the room from me. The groom, true to his vows of promising to love, honour and cherish his college wife for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, has abandoned the wedding party and departed to watch a movie.
It was all lighthearted, good fun. All we are waiting for is the pitter-patter of tiny feet next year in the form of two overly excited freshers about to have their souls sucked out through their nostrils by the walk in the park that is university life.
The writer is an 18-year-old student at Cambridge who grew up in Dubai
SPECS
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ARSENAL IN 1977
Feb 05 Arsenal 0-0 Sunderland
Feb 12 Manchester City 1-0 Arsenal
Feb 15 Middlesbrough 3-0 Arsenal
Feb 19 Arsenal 2-3 West Ham
Feb 26 Middlesbrough 4-1 Arsenal (FA Cup)
Mar 01 Everton 2-1 Arsenal
Mar 05 Arsenal 1-4 ipswich
March 08 Arsenal 1-2 West Brom
Mar 12 QPR 2-1 Arsenal
Mar 23 Stoke 1-1 Arsenal
Apr 02 Arsenal 3-0 Leicester
The Perfect Couple
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Liev Schreiber, Jack Reynor
Creator: Jenna Lamia
Rating: 3/5
BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE
Starring: Winona Ryder, Michael Keaton, Jenny Ortega
Director: Tim Burton
Rating: 3/5
Greatest of All Time
Starring: Vijay, Sneha, Prashanth, Prabhu Deva, Mohan
Company%20Profile
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COMPANY%20PROFILE%20
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Jawan
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Scorebox
Dubai Hurricanes 31 Dubai Sports City Eagles 22
Hurricanes
Tries: Finck, Powell, Jordan, Roderick, Heathcote
Cons: Tredray 2, Powell
Eagles
Tries: O’Driscoll 2, Ives
Cons: Carey 2
Pens: Carey
CREW
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The specs
Engine: 2.7-litre 4-cylinder Turbomax
Power: 310hp
Torque: 583Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh192,500
On sale: Now
Israel Palestine on Swedish TV 1958-1989
Director: Goran Hugo Olsson
Rating: 5/5
57%20Seconds
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The Birkin bag is made by Hermès.
It is named after actress and singer Jane Birkin
Noone from Hermès will go on record to say how much a new Birkin costs, how long one would have to wait to get one, and how many bags are actually made each year.
Specs%3A%202024%20McLaren%20Artura%20Spider
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The specs: 2018 Nissan 370Z Nismo
The specs: 2018 Nissan 370Z Nismo
Price, base / as tested: Dh182,178
Engine: 3.7-litre V6
Power: 350hp @ 7,400rpm
Torque: 374Nm @ 5,200rpm
Transmission: Seven-speed automatic
Fuel consumption, combined: 10.5L / 100km
Greatest Royal Rumble results
John Cena pinned Triple H in a singles match
Cedric Alexander retained the WWE Cruiserweight title against Kalisto
Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt win the Raw Tag Team titles against Cesaro and Sheamus
Jeff Hardy retained the United States title against Jinder Mahal
Bludgeon Brothers retain the SmackDown Tag Team titles against the Usos
Seth Rollins retains the Intercontinental title against The Miz, Finn Balor and Samoa Joe
AJ Styles remains WWE World Heavyweight champion after he and Shinsuke Nakamura are both counted out
The Undertaker beats Rusev in a casket match
Brock Lesnar retains the WWE Universal title against Roman Reigns in a steel cage match
Braun Strowman won the 50-man Royal Rumble by eliminating Big Cass last
Confirmed%20bouts%20(more%20to%20be%20added)
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COMPANY%20PROFILE
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The specs
Engine: Long-range single or dual motor with 200kW or 400kW battery
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Max touring range: 620km / 590km
Price: From Dh250,000 (estimated)
Company%20profile
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