The Arabic word “aweeyeh” is only ever used to describe a female, never a male. Literally, it means “she’s so strong”, but it is never used as a compliment, and it lacks any positive connotations.
It has no age limit. If you’re strong of mind, if you’re opinionated, if you manage to get your way, if you can harmlessly manipulate or cajole people to agree with you, if you go after what you want, if you are capable and competent and independent, then chances are, you’ve been described as aweeyeh. Sometimes it is in jest. A lot of times it is by friends and loved ones and family members. But it is just a way to describe a girl, and there is no male equivalent, because men are meant to be strong and opinionated and able to get their way.
I’ve described Baby A as aweeyeh countless times, always with a bit of a laugh and a shrug. When she uses the pet names “baba daddy dada” to summon her father in a tone dripping with sugared honey, I and anyone else in the vicinity marvel at her cunningness and describe her as aweeyeh while we watch her wrap Mr T around her little finger. When she claims she wants milk in the middle of the night and then feigns disinterest in her bottle and goes straight back to sleep once I’ve carried her to my room, there’s no other word to use.
And I thought nothing of it, until I came across the Ban Bossy awareness campaign’s website (www.banbossy.com), where we are called upon to “Pledge to Ban Bossy” by Sheryl Sandberg, the chief operating officer of Facebook and author of the hugely popular Lean In, because, as she puts it, “When a little boy asserts himself, he’s called a leader. Yet when a little girl does the same, she risks being branded bossy.” Using words such as “bossy” or “pushy” or “stubborn” quashes a girl’s personality. She will shy away from leadership roles, stop raising her hand in school and think twice before asserting herself.
Sandberg is working with the likes of Jennifer Garner, the Girl Scouts and Beyoncé with proclamations of “I’m not bossy. I’m the boss”. The campaign has been described as everything from ridiculous to wonderful; the online backlash is staggering. But for me, it’s a godsend.
The #BanBossy campaign has opened my eyes to the power of words and how careful I have to be in selecting the words that I want my daughter to associate with. Bold. Courageous. Daring. Confident. Assertive. Without the negative connotations that come with pushy and aggressive and bossy. And most certainly aweeyeh.
Baby A has already been described as bossy. She orders her father and I to “sit down” in the spot she has picked out, and to colour until Her Dictatorship gives the order to “stop”. She demands hugs and kisses from her baby friends at nursery school and has no qualms about pushing them over while going in for that embrace. Her first word? “No.” Said with both vehemence and fervour.
I am proud of the facets of her personality and afraid that I might negatively impact her with my words. I don’t want Baby A hearing her mother describing her as bossy or pushy or aweeyeh, not even in a tone flecked with love.
The #BanBossy campaign is receiving its fair share of criticism. Strong messages often do. But for two parents raising an 18-month-old girl to become a strong-willed leader, it provides a starting point that will allow us to make sure our daughter grows up feeling good about herself, and about the woman that she will become.
Hala Khalaf is a freelance writer living in Abu Dhabi