What is rough play, and why are modern-day parents so afraid of it?

This kind of play can teach children co-ordination, problem-solving and negotiation skills, with experts saying it’s time to bring a little risk back into childhood

Rough-and-tumble play such as mock wrestling can help children understand concepts such as risk-taking and establishing boundaries. Getty Images

Helicopter, hummingbird, drone, snowplough, attachment. Thanks to social media, the list of parenting styles that describe mums and dads who keep a careful watch over their children is a rather long one.

Online discourse in parenting groups over the perceived characteristics of various parenting tribes – tiger moms, free range dads, lighthouse parents – often appears divided along generational lines. Boomers and Gen-Xers view childhood freedom as time spent on their bikes all day, unparented until dinnertime in an age before mobile phones. Millennials and digital natives, who have grown up in a world in which they are constantly contactable, express horror at this, even perceiving it as parental neglect.

A report published earlier this year by the Canadian Paediatric Society noted how “opportunities for unstructured outdoor play have declined in recent years”, while highlighting the importance of “risky play” for children’s health and well-being.

“Based on the research, we know that risky play is very helpful for physical health – kids are more active and improve their motor skills,” said the report’s author, paediatrician Dr Emilie Beaulieu. “It is also beneficial for mental health, including better self-esteem and better friendships and positive interactions with their peers. There needs to be a more balanced approach when it comes to precaution.”

What is “risky” or “rough” play, and how can parents ascertain the difference between risk versus danger and boisterousness versus aggression?

Recognising the importance of rough play

“There are multiple types of play, all of which are valuable for a child’s development,” says Dubai resident and mother-of-three, Beth Satterly. “Rough-and-tumble play is a distinct type that is less to do with fighting and more to do with understanding things such as relative strength, risk-taking, boundaries and conflict resolution.”

For parents looking to increase their child’s exposure to boisterous play, examples can include pretend wrestling, playful pushing or shoving and mock battles such as pretending to be knights, cops and robbers or superheroes and villains. Tickling, piling on top of one another and rolling around together are also indicators of riskier play, the type that goes beyond sitting at the crafting table or partaking in board games.

“Rough play is about fun without the intent to harm,” says Zita Chriszto, clinical psychologist at Dubai Psychology. “For instance, using foam swords makes contact lighter and safer. Rough play is characterised by mutual enjoyment, laughter and often role-switching. Mock wrestling and battles with safe props aside, it can also include chasing games. These activities foster trust and understanding, and help children learn to read social cues and body language.”

What risky play teaches children about life

Risky or rough play is not about abandoning safety standards or side-stepping precautions, but rather giving children space to explore their environment and relationships with siblings and peers.

“There are several benefits of rough play in a child’s overall development and it can have plenty of impact,” says Dr Pavan Kumar Kandukoori, paediatrics and neonatology specialist at Aster Hospital, Mankhool. “Rough play helps improve children’s gross motor skills, balance and co-ordination. It allows them to engage their muscles, develop strength and refine their physical abilities. It also provides an opportunity for children to practise co-operation, taking turns and understanding social cues. They learn to negotiate and manage boundaries, which are essential for developing relationships.”

Additional benefits of allowing children to “rough house” on their own time and terms include the development of emotional regulation, particularly around feelings of frustration or excitement that may arise from more boisterous play. Problem-solving, during which children navigate physical and social boundaries and confront conflict and confidence-building through risk-taking helps them test and discover their abilities and limits while fostering critical thinking.

Kandukoori adds: “When children engage in physical play, they test their limits in a safe way, gaining confidence in their abilities and learning to handle risks.”

Why has risky play fallen out of favour?

Of the many tribes of parenting styles listed above, it appears that only free-range parenting embraces the risk-taking and kind of rough play we associate with previous generations of children.

“Messaging around aggression has made parents wary of allowing their children to play in this way,” says Satterly. “Being a parent is scary, but we need to remember that the end goal of raising children is to make them kind, resilient and happy adults.

“Playing is a crucial bedrock to successful development and providing children with the opportunity to play across a multitude of play types, including rough and tumble play, is central to holistic child development,” she adds.

Conflicting and overwhelming messaging concerning child-raising along with the watchful eye of ever-present camera phones have also made parents wary of allowing their children to engage in risky or rough behaviours, which could be posted online and judged without nuance or context.

“The messaging around parenting has likely contributed to parents discouraging rough play,” says Kandukoori. “Over the past few decades, a shift towards over-protection has been an increasing emphasis on child safety. Parents are much more involved in structuring and controlling their child’s activities. This has led to discouraging risky behaviour, including rough play.”

Kandukoori cites factors such as an increased focus on safety, the rise of anti-bullying movements, which may mistake rough play for aggression, and concerns around hyper-masculinity in which rough or risky play has been criticised for reinforcing gender stereotypes, particularly in boys.

Satterly adds: “We look at this play type from an adult perspective and assume physical interaction like this is negative. Aggression is a basic human instinct and learning to manage it is crucial to developing well-rounded adults. Allowing children to play in this way teaches them to regulate and understand and manage their emotions.”