Why I prefer laid-back socialising to time-restricted speed dating

Abu Dhabi event proves that mingling is more successful than matchmaking when the clock is ticking

During the speed dating, women are asked to take a table each, as the men make their way around. Photo: Mingle AUH

“Ladies, please find yourselves a table. You’ll have three minutes with each gentleman before moving on to the next.” Three minutes? I think to myself. Isn’t that too little time to judge whether I’d want to keep in touch with a person, let alone date them? Turns out, in a few cases, it's two minutes too long.

I am at the first iteration of Mingle Abu Dhabi. The capital’s latest social event series invites people to come together to socialise and even try their luck at speed-dating if they feel up to it. Hosted at Ma Buckley’s in Souk Qaryat Al Beri, the location benefits from stunning vistas and provides the perfect backdrop for lingering in the al fresco area. On a breezy evening, my friend and I find a spot to enjoy the view and get ready for what comes next.

There are about 100 people in attendance at the event – different nationalities, different age groups ranging from the early twenties to sixties, and different body types. Most are dressed to the nines, hoping to make a good first impression. Some hang around in groups, others walk up to strangers and a few lurk in corners.

My friend and I start chatting to the group of women next to us. Most of them met earlier that evening. Conversations flow easily, and many admit that it is their first time. Like me, they are both excited and nervous.

Soon, the optional speed-dating part of the evening is announced, with about 40 of the 100 people taking part. The women are asked to take a table each as the men who choose to participate make their way around.

Typically, I find it a bit hard to start conversations with new people, so I am not quite sure how this will go. However, it is not as awkward as I expect it to be. I speak to about 10 men, or at least attempt to – the venue is pretty loud and most people struggle to hear each other well.

At table number 17, where I am sat, most conversations start with standard questions – What’s your name? What do you do? How long have you been here? – but soon lose steam. One candidate announces himself with a cheesy and inappropriate pickup line (hard pass!). One older gentleman decides to use the three minutes to lecture me about dating a year after my divorce. “It's too soon,” he offers.

While a few others are easy to converse with, no one makes a lasting impression. After that initial round, however, people seem more relaxed and strike up more organic conversations. One participant tells me he's not expecting to find “the one”, but rather wants to make business contacts. Having attended a few Mingle Dubai events, he says he’s even made a few friends along the way in addition to networking.

There are some, myself included, who are not impressed by the three-minute concept. While a quick conversation is a good way to gauge interest in a person, it can add pressure to make a good first impression, whether or not you're attracted to the person in front of you. Also, unlike dating apps, you cannot instantly bypass someone who is not your type. Or worse, someone who makes you uncomfortable, and are instead forced to ride it out until it’s time for them to move on.

The socialising aspect of the event works very well, though. I may not have found any success in speed-dating, but I had a great time interacting with people from different backgrounds – a physics teacher from Lebanon, an IT whizz from France, a hospitality manager from Mongolia and a lawyer from Greece – whom I probably wouldn't have crossed paths with under normal circumstances. These connections I came away with are likely to last longer than a mere three minutes.