Why are we here? This ultimate existential question has been much on my mind of late, since I just celebrated something of a historic personal milestone. Not my birthday, nor even my wedding anniversary, but the acquisition of my 1,000th follower on Twitter.
Quite why this meaningless statistic should have assumed such an importance in my life is difficult to say. Until last July, when I finally joined the Twitter generation, I wasn't aware that I even needed followers at all. But then a friend persuaded me to sign up, and since then my daily musings shoehorned into succinct 140-character messages have been inexorably increasing. And so has the number of people choosing to follow them.
When compared to Lady Gaga with her gaggle of 18 million followers, or even President Barack Obama (a meagre 11 million), I realise my 1,000 may seem pitiful: and yet I've become ludicrously proud of my tiny band of supporters. Their number includes friends, family and work colleagues, plus a number of individuals whose lives are entirely unknown to me. But no matter: the attention is all very flattering.
When it was launched back in 2006, few could have predicted just how popular the Twitter phenomenon would become. It now boasts well in excess of 300 million active followers across the world, half of whom actively tweet on a daily basis. Their number includes 82 per cent of the US Senate, virtually every leading international sportsman, and a stupefying assortment of media stars and celebrity wannabes.
The range and variety of information available is as dizzying as it is eclectic: breaking news, personal appeals, the private thoughts of some of the rich and famous, plus a staggering range of personal chit-chat ranging from the profound to the puerile.
Even among the couple of hundred or so individuals whom I choose to follow, I've learnt in the last few hours that a member of the UK government has just undergone a root-canal treatment, a popular chat-show host wants a recipe for cooking chicken livers, while one of our most respected sports reporters has had to change his tie between bulletins after spilling tomato sauce on it.
Not that he'd reported his sartorial disaster - it had been picked up and gleefully noted by his own followers, who had bombarded him until he had to admit the mishap.
And perhaps herein is the most beguiling aspect: Twitter provides us the chance to spuriously attach ourselves to those beyond our sphere of influence. We may never be close buddies of either Mr Obama or Lady Gaga, but by following them we can persuade ourselves that we are.
I have been in virtual contact recently with one of the UK's most glamorous female newsreaders, tweeting her tips on what West End shows she might like to see. She's even replied to one or two ("Thanks Mike - I'll check it out"). And suddenly we're on first name terms. Yet I know only too well that if I were to encounter her in the street and offered a friendly embrace she would, quite rightly, call the police.
While tweeting may be a useful way of whiling away a few minutes each day between more serious activities - like getting on with our lives, for instance - for some, alas, it provides the only means of communication and social interaction in a hostile and unforgiving world.
As if to remind me, only last week I stumbled upon an oblique reference in a message about someone called Amy, who had evidently decided to tweet no more. Intrigued by such evident self-control, I eventually found my way to her home page.
All soon became clear. Amy, a pretty teenager with a fondness for dancing, had been battling the eating disorder anorexia nervosa, a struggle she had been chronicling daily on Twitter.
Her final message, posted just before Christmas and days before she succumbed to the illness, was as heartbreaking as it was necessarily brief: "Sorry folks, but this is just all too hard - I'm checking out. Goodbye and good luck." Her final words made for sobering reading.
"The purpose of life is to live it." So said Eleanor Roosevelt. And with this in mind, I've decided in future to live it a little more and prattle a little less. For of one thing I'm sure. Whatever we were put on this earth for, it wasn't to spend our time in front of the TV, looking to spot when sports reporters change their ties.
Michael Simkins is a writer and actor in London. He is (still) on Twitter @michael_simkins
Israel Palestine on Swedish TV 1958-1989
Director: Goran Hugo Olsson
Rating: 5/5
More coverage from the Future Forum
Confirmed%20bouts%20(more%20to%20be%20added)
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Fighter profiles
Gabrieli Pessanha (Brazil)
Reigning Abu Dhabi World Pro champion in the 95kg division, virtually unbeatable in her weight class. Known for her pressure game but also dangerous with her back on the mat.
Nathiely de Jesus, 23, (Brazil)
Two-time World Pro champion renowned for her aggressive game. She is tall and most feared by her opponents for both her triangles and arm-bar attacks.
Thamara Ferreira, 24, (Brazil)
Since her brown belt days, Ferreira has been dominating the 70kg, in both the World Pro and the Grand Slams. With a very aggressive game.
Samantha Cook, 32, (Britain)
One of the biggest talents coming out of Europe in recent times. She is known for a highly technical game and bringing her A game to the table as always.
Kendall Reusing, 22, (USA)
Another young gun ready to explode in the big leagues. The Californian resident is a powerhouse in the -95kg division. Her duels with Pessanha have been highlights in the Grand Slams.
Martina Gramenius, 32, (Sweden)
Already a two-time Grand Slam champion in the current season. Gramenius won golds in the 70kg, in both in Moscow and Tokyo, to earn a spot in the inaugural Queen of Mats.
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Leaderboard
63 - Mike Lorenzo-Vera (FRA)
64 - Rory McIlroy (NIR)
66 - Jon Rahm (ESP)
67 - Tom Lewis (ENG), Tommy Fleetwood (ENG)
68 - Rafael Cabrera-Bello (ESP), Marcus Kinhult (SWE)
69 - Justin Rose (ENG), Thomas Detry (BEL), Francesco Molinari (ITA), Danny Willett (ENG), Li Haotong (CHN), Matthias Schwab (AUT)
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The Bio
Favourite holiday destination: Either Kazakhstan or Montenegro. I’ve been involved in events in both countries and they are just stunning.
Favourite book: I am a huge of Robin Cook’s medical thrillers, which I suppose is quite apt right now. My mother introduced me to them back home in New Zealand.
Favourite film or television programme: Forrest Gump is my favourite film, that’s never been up for debate. I love watching repeats of Mash as well.
Inspiration: My late father moulded me into the man I am today. I would also say disappointment and sadness are great motivators. There are times when events have brought me to my knees but it has also made me determined not to let them get the better of me.
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Schedule:
Sept 15: Bangladesh v Sri Lanka (Dubai)
Sept 16: Pakistan v Qualifier (Dubai)
Sept 17: Sri Lanka v Afghanistan (Abu Dhabi)
Sept 18: India v Qualifier (Dubai)
Sept 19: India v Pakistan (Dubai)
Sept 20: Bangladesh v Afghanistan (Abu Dhabi) Super Four
Sept 21: Group A Winner v Group B Runner-up (Dubai)
Sept 21: Group B Winner v Group A Runner-up (Abu Dhabi)
Sept 23: Group A Winner v Group A Runner-up (Dubai)
Sept 23: Group B Winner v Group B Runner-up (Abu Dhabi)
Sept 25: Group A Winner v Group B Winner (Dubai)
Sept 26: Group A Runner-up v Group B Runner-up (Abu Dhabi)
Sept 28: Final (Dubai)
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SPECS
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World record transfers
1. Kylian Mbappe - to Real Madrid in 2017/18 - €180 million (Dh770.4m - if a deal goes through)
2. Paul Pogba - to Manchester United in 2016/17 - €105m
3. Gareth Bale - to Real Madrid in 2013/14 - €101m
4. Cristiano Ronaldo - to Real Madrid in 2009/10 - €94m
5. Gonzalo Higuain - to Juventus in 2016/17 - €90m
6. Neymar - to Barcelona in 2013/14 - €88.2m
7. Romelu Lukaku - to Manchester United in 2017/18 - €84.7m
8. Luis Suarez - to Barcelona in 2014/15 - €81.72m
9. Angel di Maria - to Manchester United in 2014/15 - €75m
10. James Rodriguez - to Real Madrid in 2014/15 - €75m
Dubai Rugby Sevens
November 30, December 1-2
International Vets
Christina Noble Children’s Foundation fixtures
Thursday, November 30:
10.20am, Pitch 3, v 100 World Legends Project
1.20pm, Pitch 4, v Malta Marauders
Friday, December 1:
9am, Pitch 4, v SBA Pirates
Greatest of All Time
Starring: Vijay, Sneha, Prashanth, Prabhu Deva, Mohan
Meydan card
6.30pm: Al Maktoum Challenge Round-1 (PA) Group 1 US$65,000 (Dirt) 1,600m
7.05pm: Conditions (TB) $100,000 (Turf) 1,400m
7.40pm: UAE 2000 Guineas Trial (TB) $100,000 (D) 1,600m
8.15pm: Handicap (TB) $175,000 (T) 1,200m
8.50pm: Al Maktoum Challenge Round-1 (TB) Group 2 $350,000 (D) 1,600m
9.25pm: Handicap (TB) $175,000 (D) 1,900m
10pm: Handicap (TB) $135,000 (T) 1,600m
Destroyer
Director: Karyn Kusama
Cast: Nicole Kidman, Toby Kebbell, Sebastian Stan
Rating: 3/5
UAE release: January 31
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Greatest Royal Rumble results
John Cena pinned Triple H in a singles match
Cedric Alexander retained the WWE Cruiserweight title against Kalisto
Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt win the Raw Tag Team titles against Cesaro and Sheamus
Jeff Hardy retained the United States title against Jinder Mahal
Bludgeon Brothers retain the SmackDown Tag Team titles against the Usos
Seth Rollins retains the Intercontinental title against The Miz, Finn Balor and Samoa Joe
AJ Styles remains WWE World Heavyweight champion after he and Shinsuke Nakamura are both counted out
The Undertaker beats Rusev in a casket match
Brock Lesnar retains the WWE Universal title against Roman Reigns in a steel cage match
Braun Strowman won the 50-man Royal Rumble by eliminating Big Cass last
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The 100 Best Novels in Translation
Boyd Tonkin, Galileo Press
MATCH INFO
World Cup qualifier
Thailand 2 (Dangda 26', Panya 51')
UAE 1 (Mabkhout 45 2')
The specs: 2018 Renault Megane
Price, base / as tested Dh52,900 / Dh59,200
Engine 1.6L in-line four-cylinder
Transmission Continuously variable transmission
Power 115hp @ 5,500rpm
Torque 156Nm @ 4,000rpm
Fuel economy, combined 6.6L / 100km
The specs
Price: From Dh529,000
Engine: 5-litre V8
Transmission: Eight-speed auto
Power: 520hp
Torque: 625Nm
Fuel economy, combined: 12.8L/100km
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