I hate making mistakes and when I do I can't handle colleagues pointing out my errors. While I understand no one is perfect, how can I strengthen my resolve so that I don't take it personally when things go wrong? AA, Dubai
It’s tough being a perfectionist – and even tougher working for one. The thing that always occurs to me about people like you is that while having high standards appears to be a good thing which should be admired, what is actually proper, sensible and far more useful is to have and to impose appropriate standards.
Here’s an example: you’re in a huge hurry and you are texting a colleague whom you know well, asking them to do something or provide you with something. Do you waste time spellchecking your text and correcting it before sending it? If so, this may be seen by others as inappropriate excellence – wasting time to meet a pointlessly high standard of accuracy. Worse still, if you comment on spelling mistakes in a similar text message sent to you by a colleague, you must not be surprised if that same colleague falls on your occasional errors with relish and delight.
I’d be pretty sure that as a perfectionist you impose inappropriate standards on others, probably without even knowing it. In your leadership role, do you correct people’s work so that it sounds like it would if you’d written it? Do you spend two hours writing a document then another two hours trying to improve it by that last 5 per cent? Do you end up doing things yourself because only you seem able to do them to the required standard? Can you resist pointing out errors you perceive in the work of others? If so, don’t be surprised if, when you do make the mistakes we all make from time to time, people gleefully point them out. They are simply responding to you as you respond to their mistakes.
So my first principle for managing this perfectionism is asking yourself whether what is done by you or by someone else is fit for purpose? If it is, leave it alone and move forward.
Criticise and correct when it is appropriate, which is when a piece of work is not fit for purpose. Keep your feedback in proportion – some mistakes matter more than others. Forgive others their mistakes, especially the small and insignificant ones, and you will find that they become far more tolerant of your own occasional lapses. Most of us are way too busy to become paralysed by fear of error, and we can’t afford to be constantly checking and rechecking material once that appropriate standard has been met.
You might want to think about why you are so averse to making mistakes. Where do your standards around performance come from? When was the last time you reviewed them for appropriateness? Also, while you run two thoughts together in your question, they are actually two very different things. One is hating making mistakes, and the other is finding criticism difficult to take. What is it about the criticism of colleagues that stings you so much? Does it ever occur to you that they may feel just as you do when you criticise them? Teams can thrive on constructive criticism, but a culture of unforgiving criticism is a harsh one, in which people feel constantly on guard. Make sure that you are not unintentionally contributing to this sort of culture through your own attitudes to standards and perfectionism.
My second principle is this: value the variable. Sometimes very careful spell checking will matter a great deal, and other times it will not. So, make sure that the standard required is known and understood by everyone who has to meet it, including you. Mistakes do matter when the appropriate standard is breached. But for the rest of the time unimportant mistakes are just the stuff of everyday life.
Doctor's prescription: Forgive others their small errors and when you make them, take a deep breath, remind yourself it doesn't matter and get on with what's important.
Roger Delves is the director of the Ashridge Masters in Management at Ashridge Business School and co-author of The Top 50 Management Dilemmas: Fast solutions to Everyday Challenges. Email him at business@thenational.ae for advice on any work issues, whether as an employee, a manager or a colleague
Follow us on Twitter @Ind_Insights
