Workplace Doctor: How to deal with colleagues snipping at each other

Manager must either pull rank on warring colleagues or pull one out of the team altogether.

Two colleagues on my team are constantly bickering and snapping at each other. I’ve spoken to each of them several times about how this is not productive for everyone else. Neither seems to want to resolve this and I am exhausted from it. What can I do to stop this without losing either of them as they are both valuable members of the group? GF, Dubai

People don’t necessarily get along at work and many of us experience our ups and downs with our co-workers. But if there is an all-out war between your direct reports and valuable members of the group, then you have a duty to intervene. However, if the colleagues are peers on the same level then you can selectively opt in or out of the peacekeeping process.

Conflict is definitely a part of day-to-day working life. Some even say that healthy conflict is at the heart of good business relationships. Yet when it becomes unproductive and affects the business, then as a leader or manager you must get to bottom of it, otherwise the toxicity will spread fast. If it is a personality clash then it can feel easy to separate both parties, disconnect them from projects, remove them from meetings and keep them apart, like two squabbling children. However, that is anything but a sustain­able solution and you will not get to the heart of the issue. It will just delay matters as feelings continue to fester behind the scenes.

The first step is to listen to both sides, allow them to vent and show some empathy. I am sure you have found people difficult to work with in the past and each person may just want a safe space to speak out. You have then earned the right to ask them to think of how to positively move forward. Venting isn’t a long-term strategy, but it proves you care and from there you can find ways to resolve the conflict.

The next step is to find common ground between both parties, as through this any clear differences will arise naturally. Unless your organisation is hiring the wrong people, every employee has one important thing in common – they are there because they believe in the organisation’s vision. Sometimes when tempers flare and feelings are sore, tension is created through people looking for difference, trying to find reasons not to get along. Show the team how to make the best of conflict by turning their disagreement into a creative brainstorming session where each member is invited to offer input on solutions. Start with what you all agree on then tackle the tricky stuff. Once you get them on the same page, or at least on similar pages, they can start working on their own issues. But remember to monitor their progress closely.

If after all this peace is not resumed you may need to review the team and explore the broader dynamics and where these bad feelings may have come from. Ask yourself some important questions about the entire team: “how do the members generally communicate?”; “What may be the cause of conflict?”; “What can I change about the team processes to manage the conflict?”

A team I worked with recently had two members who lacked motivation and often blamed each other for their dwindling enthusiasm at work. This led to resentment from other colleagues who felt they had to make up for the lack of performance. The manager found out during a lengthy conversation with both that before him joining they had both been overlooked for a promotion and were never made aware of the reasons. Once they understood that the decision was fair and reasonable, their performance improved and so did their relationship.

However, if the scars in this conflict are too deep, you may need to consider moving one of them out of the team or keeping them separate, but this is anything but ideal. If you are forced down this route, take a long, hard look as to why this happened in the first place.

Doctor’s prescription:

No one wants to lead a team in the midst of a heated battle between critical team members. First it is important to understand where these differences have come from and try to get them on the same side. Find the common ground and remind them they are both fighting for the same cause. If they continue to clash, you may need to either pull rank or pull them out altogether.

Alex Davda is a business psychologist and client director at Ashridge Executive Education, Hult International Business School, and is based in the Middle East. Email him at [e-mail] for advice on any work issues

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