If your parents are anything like mine, there are times when you appreciate having an ocean between you and them. But for expatriates, members of the "sandwich generation", taking care of elderly parents while supporting themselves and their own children is a burden they can't avoid.
Of course, many Emiratis, for whom caring for parents into old age is a given, would shake their heads in wonder at this. In the Middle East, Africa, as well as Asia, the concept of sending parents to a home, or leaving them to fend for themselves is just plain weird.
In any case, the circle is rapidly turning and whether we are ready or not, many of us will end up having to provide some form of assistance to an ageing family, even as we are still tying the shoelaces of the upcoming generation. A study by the SunAmerica Financial Group and Age Wave, a research organisation that studies the effects of ageing on society, shows that almost half of Americans over 55 expect to support both their ageing parents and their children.
In the UK, about 250,000 couples are in the same position, according to The Guardian newspaper. And a large share of Pakistan's nearly US$11 billion (Dh40.4bn) in remittances is spent on caring for family back home.
According to the UN, the fastest-growing group in the world is the "oldest old" - those who have lived past the age of 80. Many of these people are expected to outlive their savings. At the same time, their children will also likely be part of another rapidly growing demographic - people who opt to have children later in life.
I'd go so far as to predict that we are not far away from the time when parental care will soon be right up there with children's education as a make-or-break issue when deciding on whether to move abroad for work. The cost of schooling is already a pivotal issue for families faced with relocation, a cost some employers try avoid. I can't think of many countries on the traditional expat work list that will issue residence visas to elderly dependants.
And it's no secret that offshore companies will, if at all possible, hire young, single workers if they can, rather than carry the burden of an employee with a spouse and children in tow. Only where they have no choice do they reluctantly provide family assistance. So it goes without saying that parental assistance of any kind is off the table.
In time, they may have no choice, as more professionals find themselves responsible for two generations. Issues such as relocation allowances that include elderly dependants, including air fares and even nursing care assistance will eventually become part of the package for people with the more sought-after skills.
In the meantime, though, it's best to make what preparations you can to manage the situation yourself.
Speak to your parents and ask about estate planning. Do they have an attorney? Where do they keep all the relevant documents? Make sure you have the contact details of important people, such as a neighbour, their physician and lawyer.
If any of these contact details change, your parents should let you know. This is why it's important to discuss these issues with them, particularly if you are going to be abroad for some time. Next, have a contact person to call in time of crisis. It could be a friend of the family or a sibling living in your home country.
There will be few situations more distressing than having to manage a crisis while still trying to book a flight out and wrestling your luggage through the Etihad terminal.
Finally, you may also need to get a realistic picture of your parents' financial health. Not easy to do. My father, who regards parting with an extra cent as a personal failure, will not disclose his finances if his life depends on it. Luckily, I have mum as an inside spy to provide me with the necessary intelligence.
Ultimately, if your parents run into financial difficulty, you may have to step in and help out. To do so effectively, you need to be prepared.
Gavin du Venage is a business writer and entrepreneur based in South Africa.
pf@thenational.ae
Company Profile
Name: Thndr
Started: 2019
Co-founders: Ahmad Hammouda and Seif Amr
Sector: FinTech
Headquarters: Egypt
UAE base: Hub71, Abu Dhabi
Current number of staff: More than 150
Funds raised: $22 million
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Israel Palestine on Swedish TV 1958-1989
Director: Goran Hugo Olsson
Rating: 5/5
TRAP
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Saleka Shyamalan, Ariel Donaghue
Director: M Night Shyamalan
Rating: 3/5
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What is a Ponzi scheme?
A fraudulent investment operation where the scammer provides fake reports and generates returns for old investors through money paid by new investors, rather than through ligitimate business activities.
Venom
Director: Ruben Fleischer
Cast: Tom Hardy, Michelle Williams, Riz Ahmed
Rating: 1.5/5
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MATCH INFO
Burnley 1 (Brady 89')
Manchester City 4 (Jesus 24', 50', Rodri 68', Mahrez 87')
Fifa Club World Cup quarter-final
Kashima Antlers 3 (Nagaki 49’, Serginho 69’, Abe 84’)
Guadalajara 2 (Zaldivar 03’, Pulido 90')
Emergency phone numbers in the UAE
Estijaba – 8001717 – number to call to request coronavirus testing
Ministry of Health and Prevention – 80011111
Dubai Health Authority – 800342 – The number to book a free video or voice consultation with a doctor or connect to a local health centre
Emirates airline – 600555555
Etihad Airways – 600555666
Ambulance – 998
Knowledge and Human Development Authority – 8005432 ext. 4 for Covid-19 queries
The specs
Engine: 2.7-litre 4-cylinder Turbomax
Power: 310hp
Torque: 583Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh192,500
On sale: Now
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
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Blackpink World Tour [Born Pink] In Cinemas
Starring: Rose, Jisoo, Jennie, Lisa
Directors: Min Geun, Oh Yoon-Dong
Rating: 3/5
SPECS%3A%20Polestar%203
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Company%20Profile
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The biog
Name: Capt Shadia Khasif
Position: Head of the Criminal Registration Department at Hatta police
Family: Five sons and three daughters
The first female investigator in Hatta.
Role Model: Father
She believes that there is a solution to every problem
Company Fact Box
Company name/date started: Abwaab Technologies / September 2019
Founders: Hamdi Tabbaa, co-founder and CEO. Hussein Alsarabi, co-founder and CTO
Based: Amman, Jordan
Sector: Education Technology
Size (employees/revenue): Total team size: 65. Full-time employees: 25. Revenue undisclosed
Stage: early-stage startup
Investors: Adam Tech Ventures, Endure Capital, Equitrust, the World Bank-backed Innovative Startups SMEs Fund, a London investment fund, a number of former and current executives from Uber and Netflix, among others.
Company%20Profile
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Netherlands v UAE, Twenty20 International series
Saturday, August 3 - First T20i, Amstelveen
Monday, August 5 – Second T20i, Amstelveen
Tuesday, August 6 – Third T20i, Voorburg
Thursday, August 8 – Fourth T20i, Vooryburg
The Programme
Saturday, October 26: ‘The Time That Remains’ (2009) by Elia Suleiman
Saturday, November 2: ‘Beginners’ (2010) by Mike Mills
Saturday, November 16: ‘Finding Vivian Maier’ (2013) by John Maloof and Charlie Siskel
Tuesday, November 26: ‘All the President’s Men’ (1976) by Alan J Pakula
Saturday, December 7: ‘Timbuktu’ (2014) by Abderrahmane Sissako
Saturday, December 21: ‘Rams’ (2015) by Grimur Hakonarson
Top tips
Create and maintain a strong bond between yourself and your child, through sensitivity, responsiveness, touch, talk and play. “The bond you have with your kids is the blueprint for the relationships they will have later on in life,” says Dr Sarah Rasmi, a psychologist.
Set a good example. Practise what you preach, so if you want to raise kind children, they need to see you being kind and hear you explaining to them what kindness is. So, “narrate your behaviour”.
Praise the positive rather than focusing on the negative. Catch them when they’re being good and acknowledge it.
Show empathy towards your child’s needs as well as your own. Take care of yourself so that you can be calm, loving and respectful, rather than angry and frustrated.
Be open to communication, goal-setting and problem-solving, says Dr Thoraiya Kanafani. “It is important to recognise that there is a fine line between positive parenting and becoming parents who overanalyse their children and provide more emotional context than what is in the child’s emotional development to understand.”
About Okadoc
Date started: Okadoc, 2018
Founder/CEO: Fodhil Benturquia
Based: Dubai, UAE
Sector: Healthcare
Size: (employees/revenue) 40 staff; undisclosed revenues recording “double-digit” monthly growth
Funding stage: Series B fundraising round to conclude in February
Investors: Undisclosed
Company profile
Name: One Good Thing
Founders: Bridgett Lau and Micheal Cooke
Based in: Dubai
Sector: e-commerce
Size: 5 employees
Stage: Looking for seed funding
Investors: Self-funded and seeking external investors
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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Mountain%20Boy
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Key features of new policy
Pupils to learn coding and other vocational skills from Grade 6
Exams to test critical thinking and application of knowledge
A new National Assessment Centre, PARAKH (Performance, Assessment, Review and Analysis for Holistic Development) will form the standard for schools
Schools to implement online system to encouraging transparency and accountability
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