In our relentless pursuit of having more, being successful and becoming as attractive as possible, we often end up objectifying not only others but ourselves as well.
When individuals begin to see themselves merely as attractive bodies, prestigious jobs or hefty bank accounts, it leads to profound suffering. You become excessively self-critical, measuring personal worth solely by economic achievements.
Love, enjoyment and relationships are sacrificed for another day of work, always chasing the elusive internal affirmation of success.
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Harvard professor Arthur Brooks has spent years studying why we mistakenly believe that achievement, wealth and fame lead to lasting happiness. Our brain’s reward system, especially the chemical dopamine, plays a big part in this.
Dopamine pushes us to reach goals and gives us a brief feeling of pleasure when we succeed. However, this pleasure doesn’t last long because our brains are wired to balance extreme emotions.
This leaves us in a perpetual state of longing, yearning to repeat whatever experience brought us pleasure in the first place.
We struggle to know what is “enough”, and whether our achievements are truly satisfying. Even though we instinctively know that happiness doesn't come from money, status or fame, we still find it hard to stop chasing them.
Success and satisfaction are separate
Brooks explains that dissatisfaction isn't natural; it's something we learn. Our brains can be trained to feel unhappy based on wrong ideas of what is “enough”. But, if dissatisfaction can be learnt, so can satisfaction.
Instead of thinking satisfaction comes from specific results tied to wealth, status or awards, we should see it as something we can learn – a skill. Success and satisfaction should be seen as separate things that don't always depend on each other.
Professional goals often revolve around higher pay, prestigious titles or a fancy office. However, many find that reaching these goals only brings temporary happiness. This leads to questioning what truly gives a sense of professional fulfilment.
One reason is the “hedonic treadmill”, a very simple concept where we experience short bursts of happiness when we acquire a new possession, but quickly get used to what we own, usually within a couple of weeks. Like a dose of sugar, the high soon wears off.
Once we are aware of this tendency, we can benefit by spending our extra money bit by bit and spreading out those treats over longer periods. Rather than renovating our entire house all at once, we can do it in stages, enjoying each incremental improvement before looking forward to the next.
Similarly, we can upgrade our wardrobe one item at a time, instead of buying everything in one massive spending binge. By taking things slow, we can give ourselves time to savour each tiny step forward.
It is an important concept to grasp when it comes to understanding happiness, which we often lose in forever chasing rainbows.
And treadmills of consumption can make retirement planning tough. According to Thomas Stanley’s myriad research, most of the people who wear Rolexes and drive Porsches, for example, don’t have a lot of wealth. They’re mostly high-salaried people who just spend a lot of money.
In fact, plenty of high-income earners are living month-to-month. That’s a prison they build themselves.
Of course, we shouldn’t abandon our professional goals – higher salaries can lead to greater financial security – but we should recognise that achieving them might not bring lasting happiness.
Treat satisfaction as a skill
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which tracked individuals over their lifetimes, discovered that lasting happiness often arises from building strong professional relationships and finding meaning in work.
Many participants expressed greater pride in being effective leaders or mentors than in receiving awards or titles. It also found that people often do better professionally when they can be themselves, instead of trying to fit into a company culture that doesn't match their personality or values.
Ultimately, professional satisfaction often stems from the relationships built and the meaningful work done along the way, rather than reaching specific career milestones.
For financial life managers, prioritising strong relationships with colleagues and clients, and building a business that genuinely benefits clients and the community can bring more satisfaction than simply aiming for higher assets under management or a specific salary.
This perspective encourages us to rethink our career goals and how we measure success. By focusing on genuine relationships and making meaningful contributions, rather than just chasing traditional achievements, we can find deeper and more lasting satisfaction.
Shifting from a purely transactional view of success to one that values personal fulfilment and connections can profoundly improve both our professional success and our overall happiness.
In conclusion, pursuing career goals is important, but understanding their limits in providing long-term happiness is crucial.
By treating satisfaction as a skill and placing importance on authentic relationships and meaningful engagement in our work, we can achieve a more balanced and fulfilling professional life.
Sam Instone is co-chief executive of wealth management company AES
