A My good friend recently started at her first job. She was so excited to enter the workforce and join an “adult world” where high school dramas do not exist. Oh, was she in for a surprise!
She soon discovered that the employees where she works were divided into groups just like high school; the office had a negative competitive environment where people back-stabbed each other to climb the career ladder, and gossip came as a side dish with the morning coffee.
“It’s exactly like high school, but the adult version,” she told me. I cannot say I was surprised.
It is not the first time I have heard people complain about back-stabbing colleagues, and those who never forgive or forget, obstructing the workflow of business as a result.
A while back I was invited to work on a project with two young executives from different organisations. Whatever suggestions I or one of them would make, the third would add a negative remark.
When we invited her to attend meetings with one of the senior officials in Abu Dhabi, she refused and said we should go and then update her. For the sake of the project and to meet the deadlines we knew that an intervention was a must and we were curious to know why was she acting that way.
After a bit of resistance from her end, she was finally ready to talk about her career and life in general, and it was not a charming conversation.
She had been holding grudges against the organisation she is working for, and had several arguments with her senior management. Though the issues were resolved with the management, she did not get over it, and blamed her superiors and the conflicts they had had for her career life misery.
She decided the best way to get even was through the project we were working on, by delivering a poor, “embarrassing” result to use her words.
The young executive was not prepared to look at herself or take responsibility for any of the conflicts that had occurred. In her mind, management officials were out to get her and they had to pay for it.
Now imagine if this behaviour was depicted by a person in a leadership position. Leaders at organisations have a great effect on their team members’ lives – especially if they hold grudges against a team, a department, or even just one employee. It would lead to a climate of anxiety, fear, and would probably adversely affect the productivity and effectiveness of an organisation.
In life, it is normal that we might go through some rough patches with colleagues, family members, or friends who might, intentionally or unintentionally, hurt our feelings or humiliate us.
The logical reaction at the time, and especially when we are upset is to take revenge. However, opting for that reaction on a corporate level is fraught with risk.
A leader in a high position is bound to deal with people with different backgrounds, and emotions, and this is where a basic knowledge of emotional intelligence comes in handy. If a leader stopped at every incident that bothered them and decided to get even, then effectiveness and productivity would be jeopardised, not to mention the negative toll it would take on their health.
Several health studies have shown that hatred, bitterness, and holding grudges result in stress and could lead to several illnesses.
Good leaders on the other hand realise how costly it is to hold grudges and how that could affect their employees’ attitudes and hinder a company’s growth. Unfortunately, not many leaders do appreciate that, and many do take matters too personally. They allow themselves to give in to our primitive nature of reacting instantly to those who hurt us by exacting equal pain, or even more, depending on how upset they are.
Forgiveness is not a sign of giving in or forgetting, but a decision to move on.
Good leaders not only forgive, but, in turn, their stance makes it clear to their employees/team members when their actions are not acceptable, and by being forgiving, it will encourage their staff to push harder to achieve better results.
Forgiveness not only eases our minds, it leads to a better and more productive work environment.
Manar Al Hinai is an award-winning Emirati writer and fashion designer. Follow her on Twitter @manar_alhinai