In our time of grief, we choose to be better or worse off



It's coming up to a year since the passing of my grandmother. This was a woman who clearly had my corner in life, my biggest cheerleader in every situation. A simple chat with her could restore me back to my positive, cheerful, happy self.

When I was a child, she bathed me, cared for me and fed me the special vegetable meals I loved (I was a kid who adored steamed veggies). She was unconditional with her love and taught me how to love in return. But it's in her absence that she taught me probably the greatest lesson of all: gratitude.

A child's relationship with their grandmother is like no other. Unlike the disciplinarian role of the parents, grannies can be more generous, more forgiving and more understanding. My grandmother took on a much larger role though - she filled the void when my mum, her daughter-in-law, left this world. At a time when she must have been dealing with her own cycle of grief and mourning, she became like a second mother to me. Through her love and empathy, I knew that I belonged on this earth. My faith in her made the grief and pain of losing my mother almost bearable. With her by my side, I knew that I could survive anything.

And so, as the anniversary of her passing looms, I find myself grieving again; this time for both of my childhood matriarchs. In her work entitled On Death and Dying, the Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross divided the process of grieving into five distinct stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I cannot say for certain where in this cycle I currently am, but I am clear on one thing - I need to move past it in a way that is less painful than before - and the cost it had on my life.

I look at my life today in comparison with the girl I was eight years ago when my mother passed away. Following her death, the sudden absence and loss of our once-inseparable family unit was all too much for me. My basic reaction? I ran away from it; first to Sydney and then again, within one year, to Dubai. In many ways, the change of environment helped me to live and laugh again.

Today, eight years on, my priorities and my perspective have changed. Seeing my life with the advantage of hindsight, I realise what a costly effect grief can have on our lives - both financially and emotionally. In a column for The New York Times entitled "The Trauma of Being Alive", the psychiatrist Mark Epstein points out that, when it comes to mourning, there is no such thing as normal. "Grief is not the same for everyone. And it does not always go away," he says. "The healthiest way to deal with trauma is to lean into it, rather than try to keep it at bay."

But what cost does it have on your work life - not being able to deal with grief?

You only need to go to Google and type in "the cost of grief in the workplace" and hit the "enter" button. You are likely to find many articles quoting the cost of bereavement for the corporate sector. The most reliable study, conducted by the Grief Recovery Institute in the United States, estimated grief costs American companies more than US$75 billion a year.

Many companies only offer up to five days of compassionate leave for individuals. In this short amount of time, mourners must organise a funeral and deal with the legal ramifications of death. As a result, they're likely to feel depressed, overworked and misunderstood upon returning to their jobs.

Grief does cost society at large.

Talking with my sister recently, I realised I am one step closer to discovering my own truth to avoid this personal cost. I told her I don't feel the pain anymore. Instead, I've found the answers I've been seeking through gratitude. Books have come into my life, which have made me reflect upon the things that I have, rather than the things I do not. I have started collecting my thoughts in a gratitude journal. I am OK without my mum and grandmother. I have so much else to be thankful for. Life may have dealt me a heavy blow, but I can choose to be worse off or better because of it. Since coming to this epiphany of sorts, I have felt the grief slowly start to slip away.

They say time is the best healer and I agree with that. The reality is most of us will have to deal with grief at some point. The key is in how we choose to receive it. As Mr Epstein says: "The willingness to face traumas - be they large, small, primitive or fresh - is the key to healing from them. They may never disappear in the way we think they should, but maybe they don't need to. Trauma is an ineradicable aspect of life. We are human as a result of it, not in spite of it."

My advice? Choose gratitude. This is a lesson that was passed on to me by my first teacher in life - my grandmother. And by living with kindness, generosity and appreciation, I know that she will never truly leave me as I live my life in honour of her and live rich.

Janelle Malone is a wealth commentator, writer and author. You can read her blog at www.womenmoneyandstyle.com

A%20QUIET%20PLACE
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarring%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Lupita%20Nyong'o%2C%20Joseph%20Quinn%2C%20Djimon%20Hounsou%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDirector%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EMichael%20Sarnoski%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%204%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Common OCD symptoms and how they manifest

Checking: the obsession or thoughts focus on some harm coming from things not being as they should, which usually centre around the theme of safety. For example, the obsession is “the building will burn down”, therefore the compulsion is checking that the oven is switched off.

Contamination: the obsession is focused on the presence of germs, dirt or harmful bacteria and how this will impact the person and/or their loved ones. For example, the obsession is “the floor is dirty; me and my family will get sick and die”, the compulsion is repetitive cleaning.

Orderliness: the obsession is a fear of sitting with uncomfortable feelings, or to prevent harm coming to oneself or others. Objectively there appears to be no logical link between the obsession and compulsion. For example,” I won’t feel right if the jars aren’t lined up” or “harm will come to my family if I don’t line up all the jars”, so the compulsion is therefore lining up the jars.

Intrusive thoughts: the intrusive thought is usually highly distressing and repetitive. Common examples may include thoughts of perpetrating violence towards others, harming others, or questions over one’s character or deeds, usually in conflict with the person’s true values. An example would be: “I think I might hurt my family”, which in turn leads to the compulsion of avoiding social gatherings.

Hoarding: the intrusive thought is the overvaluing of objects or possessions, while the compulsion is stashing or hoarding these items and refusing to let them go. For example, “this newspaper may come in useful one day”, therefore, the compulsion is hoarding newspapers instead of discarding them the next day.

Source: Dr Robert Chandler, clinical psychologist at Lighthouse Arabia

COMPANY%20PROFILE
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ECompany%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Eco%20Way%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarted%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20December%202023%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounder%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Ivan%20Kroshnyi%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Dubai%2C%20UAE%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EIndustry%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Electric%20vehicles%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestors%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Bootstrapped%20with%20undisclosed%20funding.%20Looking%20to%20raise%20funds%20from%20outside%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Company%20Profile
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ECompany%20name%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Cargoz%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EDate%20started%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20January%202022%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounders%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Premlal%20Pullisserry%20and%20Lijo%20Antony%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Dubai%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ENumber%20of%20staff%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%2030%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestment%20stage%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Seed%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Dirham Stretcher tips for having a baby in the UAE

Selma Abdelhamid, the group's moderator, offers her guide to guide the cost of having a young family:

• Buy second hand stuff

 They grow so fast. Don't get a second hand car seat though, unless you 100 per cent know it's not expired and hasn't been in an accident.

• Get a health card and vaccinate your child for free at government health centres

 Ms Ma says she discovered this after spending thousands on vaccinations at private clinics.

• Join mum and baby coffee mornings provided by clinics, babysitting companies or nurseries.

Before joining baby classes ask for a free trial session. This way you will know if it's for you or not. You'll be surprised how great some classes are and how bad others are.

• Once baby is ready for solids, cook at home

Take the food with you in reusable pouches or jars. You'll save a fortune and you'll know exactly what you're feeding your child.

Thank You for Banking with Us

Director: Laila Abbas

Starring: Yasmine Al Massri, Clara Khoury, Kamel El Basha, Ashraf Barhoum

Rating: 4/5

The specs

Engine: Dual 180kW and 300kW front and rear motors

Power: 480kW

Torque: 850Nm

Transmission: Single-speed automatic

Price: From Dh359,900 ($98,000)

On sale: Now

Which honey takes your fancy?

Al Ghaf Honey

The Al Ghaf tree is a local desert tree which bears the harsh summers with drought and high temperatures. From the rich flowers, bees that pollinate this tree can produce delicious red colour honey in June and July each year

Sidr Honey

The Sidr tree is an evergreen tree with long and strong forked branches. The blossom from this tree is called Yabyab, which provides rich food for bees to produce honey in October and November. This honey is the most expensive, but tastiest

Samar Honey

The Samar tree trunk, leaves and blossom contains Barm which is the secret of healing. You can enjoy the best types of honey from this tree every year in May and June. It is an historical witness to the life of the Emirati nation which represents the harsh desert and mountain environments

THE%20SPECS
%3Cp%3EEngine%3A%204.4-litre%20twin-turbo%20V8%20hybrid%0D%3Cbr%3EPower%3A%20653hp%20at%205%2C400rpm%0D%3Cbr%3ETorque%3A%20800Nm%20at%201%2C600-5%2C000rpm%0D%3Cbr%3ETransmission%3A%208-speed%20auto%0D%3Cbr%3E0-100kph%20in%204.3sec%0D%3Cbr%3ETop%20speed%20250kph%0D%3Cbr%3EFuel%20consumption%3A%20NA%0D%3Cbr%3EOn%20sale%3A%20Q2%202023%0D%3Cbr%3EPrice%3A%20From%20Dh750%2C000%0D%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Kandahar%20
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDirector%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Ric%20Roman%20Waugh%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStars%3A%C2%A0%3C%2Fstrong%3EGerard%20Butler%2C%20Navid%20Negahban%2C%20Ali%20Fazal%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%202.5%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Company%20Profile
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ECompany%20name%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Hoopla%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EDate%20started%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EMarch%202023%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounder%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Jacqueline%20Perrottet%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Dubai%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ENumber%20of%20staff%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%2010%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestment%20stage%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EPre-seed%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestment%20required%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20%24500%2C000%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Company%20Profile
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EName%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EDirect%20Debit%20System%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarted%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Sept%202017%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20UAE%20with%20a%20subsidiary%20in%20the%20UK%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EIndustry%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20FinTech%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFunding%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Undisclosed%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestors%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Elaine%20Jones%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ENumber%20of%20employees%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%208%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Bridgerton%20season%20three%20-%20part%20one
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDirectors%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EVarious%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarring%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Nicola%20Coughlan%2C%20Luke%20Newton%2C%20Jonathan%20Bailey%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E3%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A

Fire and Fury
By Michael Wolff,
Henry Holt

Manikarnika: The Queen of Jhansi

Director: Kangana Ranaut, Krish Jagarlamudi

Producer: Zee Studios, Kamal Jain

Cast: Kangana Ranaut, Ankita Lokhande, Danny Denzongpa, Atul Kulkarni

Rating: 2.5/5

Europe wide
Some of French groups are threatening Friday to continue their journey to Brussels, the capital of Belgium and the European Union, and to meet up with drivers from other countries on Monday.

Belgian authorities joined French police in banning the threatened blockade. A similar lorry cavalcade was planned for Friday in Vienna but cancelled after authorities prohibited it.

How to protect yourself when air quality drops

Install an air filter in your home.

Close your windows and turn on the AC.

Shower or bath after being outside.

Wear a face mask.

Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.

If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.

Our family matters legal consultant

Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais

Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.

COMPANY PROFILE

Company: Bidzi

● Started: 2024

● Founders: Akshay Dosaj and Asif Rashid

● Based: Dubai, UAE

● Industry: M&A

● Funding size: Bootstrapped

● No of employees: Nine

India Test squad

Kohli (c), Dhawan, Rahul, Vijay, Pujara, Rahane (vc), Karun, Karthik (wk), Rishabh Pant (wk), Ashwin, Jadeja, Kuldeep, Pandya, Ishant, Shami, Umesh, Bumrah, Thakur

COMPANY PROFILE
Name: HyperSpace
 
Started: 2020
 
Founders: Alexander Heller, Rama Allen and Desi Gonzalez
 
Based: Dubai, UAE
 
Sector: Entertainment 
 
Number of staff: 210 
 
Investment raised: $75 million from investors including Galaxy Interactive, Riyadh Season, Sega Ventures and Apis Venture Partners
Landfill in numbers

• Landfill gas is composed of 50 per cent methane

• Methane is 28 times more harmful than Co2 in terms of global warming

• 11 million total tonnes of waste are being generated annually in Abu Dhabi

• 18,000 tonnes per year of hazardous and medical waste is produced in Abu Dhabi emirate per year

• 20,000 litres of cooking oil produced in Abu Dhabi’s cafeterias and restaurants every day is thrown away

• 50 per cent of Abu Dhabi’s waste is from construction and demolition

RESULTS

Women:

55kg brown-black belt: Amal Amjahid (BEL) bt Amanda Monteiro (BRA) via choke
62kg brown-black belt: Bianca Basilio (BRA) bt Ffion Davies (GBR) via referee’s decision (0-0, 2-2 adv)
70kg brown-black belt: Ana Carolina Vieira (BRA) bt Jessica Swanson (USA), 9-0
90kg brown-black belt: Angelica Galvao (USA) bt Marta Szarecka (POL) 8-2

Men:

62kg black belt: Joao Miyao (BRA) bt Wan Ki-chae (KOR), 7-2
69kg black belt: Paulo Miyao (BRA) bt Gianni Grippo (USA), 2-2 (1-0 adv)
77kg black belt: Espen Mathiesen (NOR) bt Jake Mackenzie (CAN)
85kg black belt: Isaque Braz (BRA) bt Faisal Al Ketbi (UAE), 2-0
94kg black belt: Felipe Pena (BRA) bt Adam Wardzinski (POL), 4-0
110kg black belt final: Erberth Santos (BRA) bt Lucio Rodrigues (GBR) via rear naked choke

Joker: Folie a Deux

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga, Brendan Gleeson

Director: Todd Phillips 

Rating: 2/5

Best Foreign Language Film nominees

Capernaum (Lebanon)

Cold War (Poland)

Never Look Away (Germany)

Roma (Mexico)

Shoplifters (Japan)

Turkish Ladies

Various artists, Sony Music Turkey