Ibn Battuta Mall is named after a famous explorer. Shoppers can relate to that because it's an expedition to get from one end of it to another.
Building very long malls is a speciality of Nakheel. It's other long mall is called Dragon Mart. Oddly, both are about 1 kilometre long - which is great for general fitness but not ideal for a quick shopping trip with young children.
So it was with some despair that I read the developer was planning to double the size of both. Please let them double the height and not the length.
And please let them not call the same architect who thinks carrying heavy shopping bags for a kilometre one way and then a kilometre the other with a couple of screaming children behind you is clever design.
It's only clever if you can afford to catch a ride in one of the tubby taxis they lay on.
These elongated golf buggies for the super-sized and idly affluent beep their way around the mall like they own the place.
We plebs instead need to apply complex mathematical algorithms to plot the optimum parking spot along the length of the mall so as to ensure the maximum shopping for the minimum mileage.
Somewhere in the middle near Debenhams is usually a safe bet.
Ibn Battuta would have started his journey from here if he had to visit Géant to the south to stock up before heading to Go Sports in the north to grab a pair of comfy water-resistant walking shoes, an absolute necessity for 29-year-long transcontinental treks.
It's easy to get carried away when you go shopping and buy stuff you don't really need.
Property developers can suffer from the same affliction.
When sales on the Palm Jumeirah were doing well almost a decade ago, Nakheel started to create two more palm-shaped islands before it had even nearly finished the first one. To do that, you need quite a lot of sand, about a quarter of the world's dredging fleet and several billion dollars in cash. You can see how that plan went if you ever fly into Dubai Airport during daylight.
Five years after the first tenants moved in, the Palm Jumeirah does not yet have a mall - or even a hypermarket.
A few months back, the developer decided that what the Palm and its tens of thousands of residents really needed was not a supermarket where they might perhaps purchase a pint of milk or the occasional loaf of bread - but some more houses.
Property developers are also easily encouraged by positive data. Retail is doing well just now and that is convincing developers to build more of it. But less than five years ago, offices were also doing well - so well that occupancy was running at 100 per cent- which made the city almost unique on the planet. As investors began to fear the beginnings of a residential property bubble in 2007, they began to look at different property asset classes. They noted that every square foot of prime office space in the city was occupied and they said to themselves: "We'll have some of that."
Overnight, semi-constructed residential skyscrapers were reconfigured into office buildings and sold by the floor. The little stands in malls displaying miniature models of apartment buildings were changed to advertise office buildings instead.
Nobody stopped to think how such buildings would ever be sold with a different landlord owning each floor. Or how potential tenants requiring more than one floor might have to negotiate with several different landlords - each offering different rents and lease terms. The plan was an utter disaster, and today almost half of the office stock in the emirate is empty.
This is what happens when property developers are left unattended without grown-up supervision for any length of time.
One minute you have crayon marks on the walls, the next they're driving piles into the patio.
I write this sitting in the Starbucks at the southernmost corner of Ibn Battuta Mall. Despite my moaning, I still like to visit on occasion - for the exercise mainly. The kids like the big elephant as well.
One of the sprogs is playing drums with the stirrers.
The other is lying on the floor doing the dying fly.
It's time to go home. But I've committed the schoolboy explorer error. The car is parked at the other end of the mall, which means having to endure a kilometre-long tantrum in Dolby surround sound. As another great explorer once said: I may be some time.
scronin@thenational.ae
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Abu Dhabi GP Saturday schedule
12.30pm GP3 race (18 laps)
2pm Formula One final practice
5pm Formula One qualifying
6.40pm Formula 2 race (31 laps)
Company%20Profile
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From Zero
Artist: Linkin Park
Label: Warner Records
Number of tracks: 11
Rating: 4/5
Singham Again
Director: Rohit Shetty
Stars: Ajay Devgn, Kareena Kapoor Khan, Ranveer Singh, Akshay Kumar, Tiger Shroff, Deepika Padukone
Rating: 3/5
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If you go...
Fly from Dubai or Abu Dhabi to Chiang Mai in Thailand, via Bangkok, before taking a five-hour bus ride across the Laos border to Huay Xai. The land border crossing at Huay Xai is a well-trodden route, meaning entry is swift, though travellers should be aware of visa requirements for both countries.
Flights from Dubai start at Dh4,000 return with Emirates, while Etihad flights from Abu Dhabi start at Dh2,000. Local buses can be booked in Chiang Mai from around Dh50
COMPANY PROFILE
Founders: Alhaan Ahmed, Alyina Ahmed and Maximo Tettamanzi
Total funding: Self funded
Company%20Profile
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Wicked
Director: Jon M Chu
Stars: Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande, Jonathan Bailey
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Kanguva
Director: Siva
Stars: Suriya, Bobby Deol, Disha Patani, Yogi Babu, Redin Kingsley
The specs
Engine: 2.7-litre 4-cylinder Turbomax
Power: 310hp
Torque: 583Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh192,500
On sale: Now
The specs
Engine: 3.6 V6
Transmission: 8-speed auto
Power: 295bhp
Torque: 353Nm
Price: Dh155,000
On sale: now
How to tell if your child is being bullied at school
Sudden change in behaviour or displays higher levels of stress or anxiety
Shows signs of depression or isolation
Ability to sleep well diminishes
Academic performance begins to deteriorate
Changes in eating habits
Struggles to concentrate
Refuses to go to school
Behaviour changes and is aggressive towards siblings
Begins to use language they do not normally use
Company%20profile
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Electoral College Victory
Trump has so far secured 295 Electoral College votes, according to the Associated Press, exceeding the 270 needed to win. Only Nevada and Arizona remain to be called, and both swing states are leaning Republican. Trump swept all five remaining swing states, North Carolina, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin, sealing his path to victory and giving him a strong mandate.
Popular Vote Tally
The count is ongoing, but Trump currently leads with nearly 51 per cent of the popular vote to Harris’s 47.6 per cent. Trump has over 72.2 million votes, while Harris trails with approximately 67.4 million.
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Qyubic
Started: October 2023
Founder: Namrata Raina
Based: Dubai
Sector: E-commerce
Current number of staff: 10
Investment stage: Pre-seed
Initial investment: Undisclosed
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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The specs: Rolls-Royce Cullinan
Price, base: Dh1 million (estimate)
Engine: 6.75-litre twin-turbo V12
Transmission: Eight-speed automatic
Power: 563hp @ 5,000rpm
Torque: 850Nm @ 1,600rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 15L / 100km
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
Our family matters legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
Nayanthara: Beyond The Fairy Tale
Starring: Nayanthara, Vignesh Shivan, Radhika Sarathkumar, Nagarjuna Akkineni
Director: Amith Krishnan
Rating: 3.5/5