A little preparation goes a long way

If you loathe networking events, adopt some active listening skills to make working the room a less stressful experience, advises business psychologist Alex Davda.

I am looking for a new job, and as someone working in the communications industry the best way to make a move is to network. But despite my profession I am actually an appalling networker. When I walk into a networking session, I freeze and end up retreating to the corner of the room before scuttling off home early. Are there some tactics I can employ to improve my ability to command the room? ML, Abu Dhabi

I feel your pain and find networking events and meetings quite difficult myself. However, we are clear that networking is a key skill that is going to enhance your career development and help you find your dream role, as it will give you the opportunity to get in front of some key people and have some interesting conversations. Also, the industry that you are in will view networking and relationship- building as a crucial part of the work itself.

As you have suggested, it is useful to have some potential tactics you can employ to help you network in a way that works for you, rather than simply retreating into the corner. First, it may be useful to establish that effective networking is not just about being outgoing, sociable and commanding the room. There are other skills that will help you build relationships effectively.

I suggest you approach networking in a more strategic manner and be thoughtful and deliberate about how you spend your networking energy, as it clearly drains you. Prepare and plan so that you are focused on your networking strategy. Before an event, get hold of the delegate list, then read up about the organisations and the people attending and try to find some commonalities to engage with them about when you meet. You could even rehearse how you describe yourself in line with what you have learnt about them and their organisation.

Secondly, when attending networking sessions or events, rather than going in with the mindset of “selling yourself”, which makes you feel uncomfortable, you could instead approach each conversation as an opportunity to apply some active listening skills and ask a few good questions to truly understand that person. A critical part of building any relationship is showing sincere interest in the other party. You should have already gathered some intelligence about the person and their organisation, and you can build relationships by showing a genuine curiosity about them, their lives and the organisation they work for.

You then can use your earlier homework and insights from your meeting to establish common ground (similar education, compare experiences, perspectives) then should feel more confident to describe yourself and your own experiences in line with the way they have described themselves. This approach will give you some time to build up some rapport and feel at ease, which will prevent you from coming across as nervous or anxious.

If for any reason you still do not feel comfortable talking about yourself after that, you could excuse yourself and take a few minutes to plan your response then reconnect with them with some interesting insights.

As a final thought, I suggest you pay attention to your physical presence in the interaction, as it will have a real impact on the impression you make. Think about your body language, tone and gestures when you are preparing for the networking sessions. If possible, make sure you are attending events when you are relaxed and at ease, rather than exhausted from work on a Thursday afternoon. It will make a difference.

Good luck and remember to pick your networking meetings strategically and consciously, and prepare well for them.

Doctor’s prescription

Networking is an important part of working life for most people. To avoid feeling awkward prepare well before going to any events, be strategic and selective about who you network with and be authentic in your conversations to effectively connect with people – you never know whom you might meet.

Alex Davda is a business psychologist and consultant at Ashridge Business School based in the Middle East. Email him at [e-mail] for advice on any work issues.

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