It is an irony of the first order that as catwalk models get ever smaller and scrawnier, the accessories they're obliged to showcase have only grown in size. Exploded, actually. These days, you can't move in Paris and Milan for huge great earrings, massive shoulder-bags and vast cocktail rings that could double as offensive weapons should the need arise.
The upshot to all these gargantuan goings-on is a very peculiar combination indeed - with the constant concern that a handbag might swallow its mistress whole as she dives in to locate her mobile phone. I've seen young waiflets on the runways almost consumed by heavyweight headdresses, submerged in the hungry maw of their cashmere snoods, swamped by the enormous buckles of their colossal belts. Over the past few years, most designers agreed to send out shoes which looked like a couple of wedding cakes or telephone books, great blocks of satin and cork wedge, of triple-decker platform and multiple snakeskin straps, shoes that surely weighed substantially more than your average teenage model. Perched on these, they looked all the more insubstantial, like Lowry's stick people wearing clogs.
Perhaps that's the point. Mega-sized accessories will make any woman look comparatively slight. If we all wore tiny diamond studs and carried envelope bags tucked into the palm of our hands, then the truth would leak out; uncamouflaged by our enormous diversionary jewellery, there'd be nowhere to hide.
It's no surprise, then, that this is the season of the Statement Neckpiece. No mere necklace, this is a construct. A superstructure. Something that may well require planning permission and give shade on a sunny day. At Lanvin (where the jewellery is utterly divine these days, the very stuff of dreams), you'll find great metal ropes set with abundant gems and centred on starburst lozenges to sit fatly at the décolleté. Moschino and Dolce & Gabbana opted for outsize golden coin discs, worn in a confused jumble as if stolen in a hurry from the tarot table of Gypsy Rose Lee. Even Giorgio Armani, so long the soul of discretion, let rip with neck architecture, owing a visual debt to the Miami's deco frontages. My favourite, though, came from Bottega Veneta, where the neckpieces looked at once organic and metallic - a crumple of stonework and torn tin foil, like something disgorged from a car crusher.
No, it's not discreet. Not minimal. It's loud and bold and gutsy and a prime example of the sheer audacity and decorative expression of fashion right now. Sure, your clothes may whisper good taste, but your accessories will yell across a crowded room. Just don't go wearing everything all at once. If your necklace is making a statement, best give your earrings a rest. Let your shoes go incognito. You'll be better off giving your glorious necklace some breathing space. All the better to show it off to your envious friends.
UAE Falcons
Carly Lewis (captain), Emily Fensome, Kelly Loy, Isabel Affley, Jessica Cronin, Jemma Eley, Jenna Guy, Kate Lewis, Megan Polley, Charlie Preston, Becki Quigley and Sophie Siffre. Deb Jones and Lucia Sdao – coach and assistant coach.
Israel Palestine on Swedish TV 1958-1989
Director: Goran Hugo Olsson
Rating: 5/5
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Real Madrid 1
Ronaldo (87')
Athletic Bilbao 1
Williams (14')
Find the right policy for you
Don’t wait until the week you fly to sign up for insurance – get it when you book your trip. Insurance covers you for cancellation and anything else that can go wrong before you leave.
Some insurers, such as World Nomads, allow you to book once you are travelling – but, as Mr Mohammed found out, pre-existing medical conditions are not covered.
Check your credit card before booking insurance to see if you have any travel insurance as a benefit – most UAE banks, such as Emirates NBD, First Abu Dhabi Bank and Abu Dhabi Islamic Bank, have cards that throw in insurance as part of their package. But read the fine print – they may only cover emergencies while you’re travelling, not cancellation before a trip.
Pre-existing medical conditions such as a heart condition, diabetes, epilepsy and even asthma may not be included as standard. Again, check the terms, exclusions and limitations of any insurance carefully.
If you want trip cancellation or curtailment, baggage loss or delay covered, you may need a higher-grade plan, says Ambareen Musa of Souqalmal.com. Decide how much coverage you need for emergency medical expenses or personal liability. Premium insurance packages give up to $1 million (Dh3.7m) in each category, Ms Musa adds.
Don’t wait for days to call your insurer if you need to make a claim. You may be required to notify them within 72 hours. Gather together all receipts, emails and reports to prove that you paid for something, that you didn’t use it and that you did not get reimbursed.
Finally, consider optional extras you may need, says Sarah Pickford of Travel Counsellors, such as a winter sports holiday. Also ensure all individuals can travel independently on that cover, she adds. And remember: “Cheap isn’t necessarily best.”
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Results
6.30pm: Maiden Dh165,000 (Dirt) 1,600m
Winner: Celtic Prince, David Liska (jockey), Rashed Bouresly (trainer).
7.05pm: Conditions Dh240,000 (D) 1,600m
Winner: Commanding, Richard Mullen, Satish Seemar.
7.40pm: Handicap Dh190,000 (D) 2,000m
Winner: Grand Argentier, Pat Dobbs, Doug Watson.
8.15pm: Handicap Dh170,000 (D) 2,200m
Winner: Arch Gold, Sam Hitchcott, Doug Watson.
8.50pm: The Entisar Listed Dh265,000 (D) 2,000m
Winner: Military Law, Antonio Fresu, Musabah Al Muhairi.
9.25pm: The Garhoud Sprint Listed Dh265,000 (D) 1,200m
Winner: Ibn Malik, Dane O’Neill, Musabah Al Muhairi.
10pm: Handicap Dh185,000 (D) 1,400m
Winner: Midnight Sands, Pat Dobbs, Doug Watson.
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