There are two ways to look at Michael McIntyre’s decision to road-test his forthcoming Happy & Glorious tour in Dubai on Friday and Saturday, June 12 and June 13.
On the one hand, the best-selling British comedian was offering the UAE audience a gift, the privilege of an unprecedented world premiere of sorts.
And the other? McIntyre’s two nights at Dubai World Trade Centre could easily be chalked up as a quick money run, a chance to try his new material in front of an easy, undemanding crowd.
We’re happy to report that all appearances point to the former – McIntyre didn’t just play to the local crowd, he pandered to them.
Despite the hype, this wasn’t a preview of the full new show, but more a pick ’n’ mix of new routines, old classics (including the one where he shows off his enormous calf muscles) and – get this – UAE-specific gags.
Apparently a favourite holiday destination of the comic’s family, it was clear from the way he slyly pokes fun at the Emirates that McIntyre has developed a certain affection for the country. And there were two main targets for his scorn – wealth and the weather.
In many ways, the crowd was the silent comedic foil for the night, the unassuming fall guy, always ready to pick up the slack and run with the gag.
McIntyre divided the audience up by ticket-price band into high-rolling VIPs, the “slightly less important people” and the main throng of “really unimportant people” at the back who, he said, had “no importance, no sway, no influence”.
But the people who do have these things also have Lamborghinis, he noted, and watches so heavy they have trouble walking in a straight line.
Well, yes, Michael – but let’s not forget you banked a tidy Dh120 million from your last tour. And I could not help but notice the apparently blatant product plugs in your set (I know exactly where McIntyre was staying and which airlines he prefers, details most celebrities generally keep to themselves).
Turning again to the crowd-as-foil, perhaps the funniest moment of Saturday, June 13, evening came when McIntyre mercilessly targeted a “VIP” who was sitting in the front row but watching the comedian on the big screen behind him. “I’m right here – sorry, do you want me to get out of the way?” he raged.
Oh, and traffic came up, too. While Dubai boasts the "biggest of everything", the one thing it trumps worldwide competition for hosting the smallest of, is stopping distances, he said. A good point – perhaps McIntyre should read up on The National's Road to Safety campaign.
After exhausting the UAE’s comedic potential, McIntyre returned to his polished, safe brand of observations on the mundanities of modern life – the various ways to carry a pair of reading glasses, airport etiquette, how most of a FaceTime conversation is spent checking yourself out in the top right-hand corner of the screen – “you might as well just be talking into a mirror”.
His skill here is in that charming, foppish, flowering delivery – cartoonily physical, pre-packaged for the big screen – rather than the observations themselves – newsflash: women like shopping more than men. No. Way.
McIntyre’s previous tour, Showtime, was the United Kingdom’s biggest comedy tour of 2012, playing to more than 600,000 people. In 2013, he took that show out internationally and cleaned up in other regions, including South Africa, Australia, Asia – and the UAE.
Things have been flipped on their head here – when Happy & Glorious kicks off in the UK on September 3, Dubaians can rightly say: “We got him first.”
Happy? Sure. Glorious? Just about.
rgarratt@thenational.ae
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
Trolls World Tour
Directed by: Walt Dohrn, David Smith
Starring: Anna Kendrick, Justin Timberlake
Rating: 4 stars
A%20QUIET%20PLACE
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MATCH INFO
France 3
Umtiti (8'), Griezmann (29' pen), Dembele (63')
Italy 1
Bonucci (36')
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: HyperSpace
Started: 2020
Founders: Alexander Heller, Rama Allen and Desi Gonzalez
Based: Dubai, UAE
Sector: Entertainment
Number of staff: 210
Investment raised: $75 million from investors including Galaxy Interactive, Riyadh Season, Sega Ventures and Apis Venture Partners
Jigra
Starring: Alia Bhatt, Vedang Raina, Manoj Pahwa, Harsh Singh
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The five types of long-term residential visas
Obed Suhail of ServiceMarket, an online home services marketplace, outlines the five types of long-term residential visas:
Investors:
A 10-year residency visa can be obtained by investors who invest Dh10 million, out of which 60 per cent should not be in real estate. It can be a public investment through a deposit or in a business. Those who invest Dh5 million or more in property are eligible for a five-year residency visa. The invested amount should be completely owned by the investors, not loaned, and retained for at least three years.
Entrepreneurs:
A five-year multiple entry visa is available to entrepreneurs with a previous project worth Dh0.5m or those with the approval of an accredited business incubator in the UAE.
Specialists
Expats with specialised talents, including doctors, specialists, scientists, inventors, and creative individuals working in the field of culture and art are eligible for a 10-year visa, given that they have a valid employment contract in one of these fields in the country.
Outstanding students:
A five-year visa will be granted to outstanding students who have a grade of 95 per cent or higher in a secondary school, or those who graduate with a GPA of 3.75 from a university.
Retirees:
Expats who are at least 55 years old can obtain a five-year retirement visa if they invest Dh2m in property, have savings of Dh1m or more, or have a monthly income of at least Dh20,000.
PSG's line up
GK: Alphonse Areola (youth academy)
Defence - RB: Dani Alves (free transfer); CB: Marquinhos (€31.4 million); CB: Thiago Silva (€42m); LB: Layvin Kurzawa (€23m)
Midfield - Angel di Maria (€47m); Adrien Rabiot (youth academy); Marco Verratti (€12m)
Forwards - Neymar (€222m); Edinson Cavani (€63m); Kylian Mbappe (initial: loan; to buy: €180m)
Total cost: €440.4m (€620.4m if Mbappe makes permanent move)
Players Selected for La Liga Trials
U18 Age Group
Name: Ahmed Salam (Malaga)
Position: Right Wing
Nationality: Jordanian
Name: Yahia Iraqi (Malaga)
Position: Left Wing
Nationality: Morocco
Name: Mohammed Bouherrafa (Almeria)
Position: Centre-Midfield
Nationality: French
Name: Mohammed Rajeh (Cadiz)
Position: Striker
Nationality: Jordanian
U16 Age Group
Name: Mehdi Elkhamlichi (Malaga)
Position: Lead Striker
Nationality: Morocco
EA Sports FC 25
Developer: EA Vancouver, EA Romania
Publisher: EA Sports
Consoles: Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4&5, Xbox One and Xbox Series X/S
Rating: 3.5/5
The specs
Engine: 2-litre or 3-litre 4Motion all-wheel-drive Power: 250Nm (2-litre); 340 (3-litre) Torque: 450Nm Transmission: 8-speed automatic Starting price: From Dh212,000 On sale: Now
Should late investors consider cryptocurrencies?
Wealth managers recommend late investors to have a balanced portfolio that typically includes traditional assets such as cash, government and corporate bonds, equities, commodities and commercial property.
They do not usually recommend investing in Bitcoin or other cryptocurrencies due to the risk and volatility associated with them.
“It has produced eye-watering returns for some, whereas others have lost substantially as this has all depended purely on timing and when the buy-in was. If someone still has about 20 to 25 years until retirement, there isn’t any need to take such risks,” Rupert Connor of Abacus Financial Consultant says.
He adds that if a person is interested in owning a business or growing a property portfolio to increase their retirement income, this can be encouraged provided they keep in mind the overall risk profile of these assets.
Napoleon
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDirector%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3A%20Ridley%20Scott%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EStars%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3A%20Joaquin%20Phoenix%2C%20Vanessa%20Kirby%2C%20Tahar%20Rahim%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3A%202%2F5%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre 4-cylinder petrol
Power: 154bhp
Torque: 250Nm
Transmission: 7-speed automatic with 8-speed sports option
Price: From Dh79,600
On sale: Now
Pieces of Her
Stars: Toni Collette, Bella Heathcote, David Wenham, Omari Hardwick
Director: Minkie Spiro
Rating:2/5
Call of Duty: Black Ops 6
Developer: Treyarch, Raven Software
Publisher: Activision
Console: PlayStation 4 & 5, Windows, Xbox One & Series X/S
Rating: 3.5/5
Joker: Folie a Deux
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga, Brendan Gleeson
Director: Todd Phillips
Rating: 2/5
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Company%20profile
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The%20Roundup
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COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Almnssa
Started: August 2020
Founder: Areej Selmi
Based: Gaza
Sectors: Internet, e-commerce
Investments: Grants/private funding
COMPANY%20PROFILE%20
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Company%20Profile
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Most%20polluted%20cities%20in%20the%20Middle%20East
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MOST%20POLLUTED%20COUNTRIES%20IN%20THE%20WORLD
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COMPANY PROFILE
Founders: Alhaan Ahmed, Alyina Ahmed and Maximo Tettamanzi
Total funding: Self funded