One would think that as newish parents, who are still figuring this out, other veteran parents would have some useful, worldly advice to share with us. Perhaps they’d deem it helpful to share with us the secret of potty training in under three days, or how to get a toddler to sleep through the night, or how to cook nutritious toddler meals for the entire week over a maximum of two hours at the weekend. That’s the sort of unsolicited advice I’m looking for.
Instead, all Mr T and I ever hear from those who have been parents longer than us, or those who were daring enough to have more than one child, is the usual stuff: “Make sure you make time for yourself” and “Make sure you schedule date nights”, followed by, “Don’t spend your entire date night talking about your child”.
Easier said than done. As Baby A’s No 1 fans, it’s very hard tearing ourselves away from the topic of our firstborn. Even if she’s right there with us, engaged in play, or distracted by something or other and affording us those coveted, rare, stolen moments of quiet, we usually spend the time assessing her cuteness factor in relation to all the other babies in the vicinity (usual verdict: very high).
Once Mr T and I confessed to one another that: a) we are obsessed with our child and b) there’s no way we can stop Baby A from monopolising at least 40 per cent of our conversations, we took it a step further. We decided to list the other topics that have taken to dominating our conversations because marriage, if anything, is inevitably a routine. Here is what we think couples talk about throughout the duration of their marriage.
• So, 40 per cent of the conversation is about the child and/or the pets, along the lines of “Oh she’s so cute!” or “Did you hear what kiddo said today?” or “Awwww!”
• Around three per cent of the time is spent saying: “I love you.”
• Another three per cent is taken up by “You’re insane, you’re driving me mad, what’s wrong with you?”
• A minimum of four per cent of conversations centre around the couple’s current TV show obsession.
• No less than 10 per cent would fall under the topic of Complaints, such as “You left the lights on (again)” or “You forgot to pick up the dry cleaning (again)” or “How can you have possibly lost the car keys (again)?”.
• No more than five per cent of chit-chat between spouses would have to be about work, except if either of them works for some sort of intelligence unit or is unemployed, then the percentage drops significantly.
• Let’s say seven per cent is labelled Indecisiveness. (“Where shall we order dinner from? Where do you want to order dinner from?”)
• Another seven per cent is spent talking about finances, which sounds something like: “Did someone buy yet another pair of shoes today?”
• Eleven per cent is basically gossip about other family members.
• The final 10 per cent of conversations turn into arguments over someone’s (the man’s) tendency to get lost and inability to read directions.
So, in conclusion, it is virtually impossible to spend any significant amount of time with your spouse, with or without your child, and avoid talking about said child. Which further proves what I have been saying all along on these pages: babies take over your world.
Hala Khalaf is a freelance writer living in Abu Dhabi
Company%20Profile
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TEACHERS' PAY - WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
Pay varies significantly depending on the school, its rating and the curriculum. Here's a rough guide as of January 2021:
- top end schools tend to pay Dh16,000-17,000 a month - plus a monthly housing allowance of up to Dh6,000. These tend to be British curriculum schools rated 'outstanding' or 'very good', followed by American schools
- average salary across curriculums and skill levels is about Dh10,000, recruiters say
- it is becoming more common for schools to provide accommodation, sometimes in an apartment block with other teachers, rather than hand teachers a cash housing allowance
- some strong performing schools have cut back on salaries since the pandemic began, sometimes offering Dh16,000 including the housing allowance, which reflects the slump in rental costs, and sheer demand for jobs
- maths and science teachers are most in demand and some schools will pay up to Dh3,000 more than other teachers in recognition of their technical skills
- at the other end of the market, teachers in some Indian schools, where fees are lower and competition among applicants is intense, can be paid as low as Dh3,000 per month
- in Indian schools, it has also become common for teachers to share residential accommodation, living in a block with colleagues
Living in...
This article is part of a guide on where to live in the UAE. Our reporters will profile some of the country’s most desirable districts, provide an estimate of rental prices and introduce you to some of the residents who call each area home.
Company%20profile
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PSG's line up
GK: Alphonse Areola (youth academy)
Defence - RB: Dani Alves (free transfer); CB: Marquinhos (€31.4 million); CB: Thiago Silva (€42m); LB: Layvin Kurzawa (€23m)
Midfield - Angel di Maria (€47m); Adrien Rabiot (youth academy); Marco Verratti (€12m)
Forwards - Neymar (€222m); Edinson Cavani (€63m); Kylian Mbappe (initial: loan; to buy: €180m)
Total cost: €440.4m (€620.4m if Mbappe makes permanent move)
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
The Perfect Couple
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Liev Schreiber, Jack Reynor
Creator: Jenna Lamia
Rating: 3/5
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre turbo
Power: 181hp
Torque: 230Nm
Transmission: 6-speed automatic
Starting price: Dh79,000
On sale: Now
Company%20Profile
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Company Profile
Name: Thndr
Started: 2019
Co-founders: Ahmad Hammouda and Seif Amr
Sector: FinTech
Headquarters: Egypt
UAE base: Hub71, Abu Dhabi
Current number of staff: More than 150
Funds raised: $22 million
SUE%20GRAY'S%20FINDINGS
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COMPANY%20PROFILE%20
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BORDERLANDS
Starring: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis
Director: Eli Roth
Rating: 0/5
The squad traveling to Brazil:
Faisal Al Ketbi, Ibrahim Al Hosani, Khalfan Humaid Balhol, Khalifa Saeed Al Suwaidi, Mubarak Basharhil, Obaid Salem Al Nuaimi, Saeed Juma Al Mazrouei, Saoud Abdulla Al Hammadi, Taleb Al Kirbi, Yahia Mansour Al Hammadi, Zayed Al Kaabi, Zayed Saif Al Mansoori, Saaid Haj Hamdou, Hamad Saeed Al Nuaimi. Coaches Roberto Lima and Alex Paz.
BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE
Starring: Winona Ryder, Michael Keaton, Jenny Ortega
Director: Tim Burton
Rating: 3/5
Confirmed%20bouts%20(more%20to%20be%20added)
%3Cp%3ECory%20Sandhagen%20v%20Umar%20Nurmagomedov%0D%3Cbr%3ENick%20Diaz%20v%20Vicente%20Luque%0D%3Cbr%3EMichael%20Chiesa%20v%20Tony%20Ferguson%0D%3Cbr%3EDeiveson%20Figueiredo%20v%20Marlon%20Vera%0D%3Cbr%3EMackenzie%20Dern%20v%20Loopy%20Godinez%0D%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3ETickets%20for%20the%20August%203%20Fight%20Night%2C%20held%20in%20partnership%20with%20the%20Department%20of%20Culture%20and%20Tourism%20Abu%20Dhabi%2C%20went%20on%20sale%20earlier%20this%20month%2C%20through%20www.etihadarena.ae%20and%20www.ticketmaster.ae.%0D%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
MATCH INFO
Everton v Tottenham, Sunday, 8.30pm (UAE)
Match is live on BeIN Sports
MEDIEVIL%20(1998)
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Company%20Profile
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THE SIXTH SENSE
Starring: Bruce Willis, Toni Collette, Hayley Joel Osment
Director: M. Night Shyamalan
Rating: 5/5
TOURNAMENT INFO
Fixtures
Sunday January 5 - Oman v UAE
Monday January 6 - UAE v Namibia
Wednesday January 8 - Oman v Namibia
Thursday January 9 - Oman v UAE
Saturday January 11 - UAE v Namibia
Sunday January 12 – Oman v Namibia
UAE squad
Ahmed Raza (captain), Rohan Mustafa, Mohammed Usman, CP Rizwan, Waheed Ahmed, Zawar Farid, Darius D’Silva, Karthik Meiyappan, Jonathan Figy, Vriitya Aravind, Zahoor Khan, Junaid Siddique, Basil Hameed, Chirag Suri
Company%20Profile
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The Matrix Resurrections
Director: Lana Wachowski
Stars: Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Jessica Henwick
Rating:****
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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LOVE%20AGAIN
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Fixtures:
Wed Aug 29 – Malaysia v Hong Kong, Nepal v Oman, UAE v Singapore
Thu Aug 30 - UAE v Nepal, Hong Kong v Singapore, Malaysia v Oman
Sat Sep 1 - UAE v Hong Kong, Oman v Singapore, Malaysia v Nepal
Sun Sep 2 – Hong Kong v Oman, Malaysia v UAE, Nepal v Singapore
Tue Sep 4 - Malaysia v Singapore, UAE v Oman, Nepal v Hong Kong
Thu Sep 6 – Final