Ted 2
Director: Seth MacFarlane
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried
Two stars
Ted 2 asks a question that we never needed, or particularly wanted, to know the answer to: is Ted, the magical, foul-mouthed teddy bear, a person in the eyes of the law?
While it’s unfair to judge a comedy simply for a ridiculous premise, here it also happens to be the unlikely killer of the overstuffed sequel. And resolution does not come quickly enough in this nearly two-hour rumination on civil rights and abject stupidity.
Part of the charm of Ted, writer-director Seth MacFarlane's better-than-it-should-have-been story of a grown man and his sentient stuffed animal, was how unaffectedly it treated its talking teddy. Ted just is. No one thinks too hard about the how or why of it.
Combining that silly foundation with Mark Wahlberg’s endearingly dopey intensity was a stroke of brilliance. The movie was allowed to only be about their friendship, and it worked.
Making a sequel to an original comedy is always a tough prospect. More often than not, the desire to please fans and recreate the magic of the original produces nothing more than an exaggerated rehash.
In an admirable effort to go down a different route, MacFarlane has instead done something hopelessly bizarre: he has given his film too much sincerity and story, which practically crushes whatever fun exists.
This time, we meet up with Ted (voiced again by MacFarlane) at his wedding to fellow grocery-store clerk and gum-smacking bombshell Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth). Their newly-wed bliss soon curdles, however, and they decide to have a baby to save the marriage.
Because the natural way of going about this is not an option, Tami-Lynn and Ted decide to try adoption. It’s then that a state authority steps in and asks whether or not a stuffed animal, sentient or not, should be afforded the rights of a human.
Very quickly, Ted loses his job, his marriage is invalidated and audiences are forced to endure a horrifying ordeal: that of watching a whiny, self-righteous Ted.
Then Ted and his best friend John (Wahlberg), now a sad-sack divorcee, hook up with Samantha Jackson (Amanda Seyfried), a rookie lawyer who is willing to take their case pro bono, and a few montages later, they’re off to fight the good fight – in excruciating detail.
Seriously, there are almost-interesting debates over Ted's humanity and a few fairly earnest references to the 13th Amendment and Dred Scott, an African-American slave who unsuccessfully launched a legal battle for freedom for his family in the 1840s and 1850s. It's a wonder Ted 2 didn't also venture into artificial intelligence territory.
Still, it's very rare for a MacFarlane venture to be completely unfunny. Even A Million Ways to Die in the West had its moments. The highlights in Ted 2 are almost worth it. There's a Busby Berkeley-style opening number, a fantastic Liam Neeson cameo, a riff on what the F stands for in F Scott Fitzgerald, a Jurassic Park bit and a few other gems.
There's even an over-the-top fight at New York ComicCon (with more than a few Transformers robots peppering the background, though it is unclear whether that is poking fun at Wahlberg's association with the franchise or promoting it). The sequence had some promise, in spite of the vitriol fuelling the joke, but it's all too late.
MacFarlane continues to be a unique, and probably misunderstood, artist in popular culture. His venomous humour, basic moral code, crass sensibilities and fondness for classic showmanship are, at the very least, an interesting combination for a modern entertainer. But they haven’t quite meshed yet, at least on film.
The misadventures of a couple of crass knuckleheads should be simple fun. It’s quite all right to try for a more substantive story in something so trivial – but the silliness of the first has ceded to something that’s also a little more hateful and bitter.
Ted and John should have stayed on the couch and out of the courtroom.
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
TRAP
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Saleka Shyamalan, Ariel Donaghue
Director: M Night Shyamalan
Rating: 3/5
Company%20Profile
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RESULTS
6.30pm: Handicap (rated 95-108) US$125,000 2000m (Dirt).
Winner: Don’t Give Up, Gerald Mosse (jockey), Saeed bin Suroor (trainer).
7.05pm: Handicap (95 ) $160,000 2810m (Turf).
Winner: Los Barbados, Adrie de Vries, Fawzi Nass.
7.40pm: Handicap (80-89) $60,000 1600m (D).
Winner: Claim The Roses, Mickael Barzalona, Salem bin Ghadayer.
8.15pm: UAE 2000 Guineas Trial (Div-1) Conditions $100,000 1,400m (D)
Winner: Gold Town, William Buick, Charlie Appleby.
8.50pm: Cape Verdi Group 2 $200,000 1600m (T).
Winner: Promising Run, Patrick Cosgrave, Saeed bin Suroor.
9.25pm: UAE 2000 Guineas Conditions $100,000 1,400m (D).
Winner: El Chapo, Luke Morris, Fawzi Nass.
Company%20Profile
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Blackpink World Tour [Born Pink] In Cinemas
Starring: Rose, Jisoo, Jennie, Lisa
Directors: Min Geun, Oh Yoon-Dong
Rating: 3/5
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre turbo
Power: 181hp
Torque: 230Nm
Transmission: 6-speed automatic
Starting price: Dh79,000
On sale: Now
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BORDERLANDS
Starring: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis
Director: Eli Roth
Rating: 0/5
Company%20Profile
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COMPANY%20PROFILE
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Company Profile
Name: Thndr
Started: 2019
Co-founders: Ahmad Hammouda and Seif Amr
Sector: FinTech
Headquarters: Egypt
UAE base: Hub71, Abu Dhabi
Current number of staff: More than 150
Funds raised: $22 million
RESULT
Arsenal 0 Chelsea 3
Chelsea: Willian (40'), Batshuayi (42', 49')
THE LOWDOWN
Photograph
Rating: 4/5
Produced by: Poetic License Motion Pictures; RSVP Movies
Director: Ritesh Batra
Cast: Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Sanya Malhotra, Farrukh Jaffar, Deepak Chauhan, Vijay Raaz
Barbie
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How to help
Send “thenational” to the following numbers or call the hotline on: 0502955999
2289 – Dh10
2252 – Dh 50
6025 – Dh20
6027 – Dh 100
6026 – Dh 200
What is Folia?
Prince Khaled bin Alwaleed bin Talal's new plant-based menu will launch at Four Seasons hotels in Dubai this November. A desire to cater to people looking for clean, healthy meals beyond green salad is what inspired Prince Khaled and American celebrity chef Matthew Kenney to create Folia. The word means "from the leaves" in Latin, and the exclusive menu offers fine plant-based cuisine across Four Seasons properties in Los Angeles, Bahrain and, soon, Dubai.
Kenney specialises in vegan cuisine and is the founder of Plant Food Wine and 20 other restaurants worldwide. "I’ve always appreciated Matthew’s work," says the Saudi royal. "He has a singular culinary talent and his approach to plant-based dining is prescient and unrivalled. I was a fan of his long before we established our professional relationship."
Folia first launched at The Four Seasons Hotel Los Angeles at Beverly Hills in July 2018. It is available at the poolside Cabana Restaurant and for in-room dining across the property, as well as in its private event space. The food is vibrant and colourful, full of fresh dishes such as the hearts of palm ceviche with California fruit, vegetables and edible flowers; green hearb tacos filled with roasted squash and king oyster barbacoa; and a savoury coconut cream pie with macadamia crust.
In March 2019, the Folia menu reached Gulf shores, as it was introduced at the Four Seasons Hotel Bahrain Bay, where it is served at the Bay View Lounge. Next, on Tuesday, November 1 – also known as World Vegan Day – it will come to the UAE, to the Four Seasons Resort Dubai at Jumeirah Beach and the Four Seasons DIFC, both properties Prince Khaled has spent "considerable time at and love".
There are also plans to take Folia to several more locations throughout the Middle East and Europe.
While health-conscious diners will be attracted to the concept, Prince Khaled is careful to stress Folia is "not meant for a specific subset of customers. It is meant for everyone who wants a culinary experience without the negative impact that eating out so often comes with."