This is not the sort of experience you normally expect when going to see a movie – unless your local box office staff are bizarrely strict.
"Name?" barks an Imperial Officer, blocking a stairway and acting much like Peter Cushing's sinister Grand Moff Tarkin from the original Star Wars movie.
“Wes Qel-Droma,” I respond, relatively confidently, having frantically consulted my intergalactic “travel documents” seconds earlier.
“And what is your business?” she continues, throwing me completely. “Er … recreation?” I reply. The stony-faced officer raises an unimpressed eyebrow. I may well be heading for the detention block.
Welcome to Secret Cinema: The Empire Strikes Back, which is giving Star Wars fanatics around the globe a much longed-for taste of life in the Rebel Alliance. And we really are deeply embedded, having been brought to a secret location, spirited along some narrow tunnels then subjected to numerous orders, interrogations and occasional imprisonments.
It’s absolute bliss.
The London-based Secret Cinema project has grown remarkably in recent years and the 2015 venture is a sort of pop-up Star Wars theme park, mixed with interactive theatre.
One of the first of several worlds we’re guided through is a splendid Middle East-style space-souq, where you trade seeds and jewels with aliens while major characters wander about. For long-time fans, childhood suddenly looms large.
I feel genuinely tense whenever a Stormtrooper passes by – but I am also tempted to tell the supercool Boba Fett where Han Solo is hiding out, before remembering that I’m supposed to be on Solo’s side.
Every new visitor is assigned a character and the adventure begins long before you arrive.
"Important Information: Your Departure from Earth," reads the opening transmission from rebel headquarters, which conveniently arrived in an email a few days earlier. It explains that we'll be evacuated from "Earth Cargo Airlines Terminal HX138," the first of many knowing references (THX 1138 was Star Wars creator and director George Lucas's first film), and the attention to detail is admirable. The fictitious Earth Cargo Airlines has a website better than those of some real airlines.
During the online registration process, every ticket-holder is assigned a rebel name, role and dress code. It’s just a scarf, goggles and beige fatigues for us Galactic Explorers, thankfully – Starfighters are required to acquire a jumpsuit – and the train station nearest the secret location is quite a sight. There are custom-made Jedis, droids and aliens everywhere.
“Can I just ask, what on Earth’s going on here?” asks a flustered businessman. “I come through this station every day and every day there are all these people dressed like …” he trails off, as a chap in a tremendously ludicrous Jabba the Hutt costume slithers past.
This may look like something from the Middle East Film and Comic Con but once inside, it's another world. The sets are universally breathtaking and the whole environment is authentically Star Wars, from the public signs to the staff, who remain in character throughout.
Indeed, they clearly revel in intimidating rebels, as my exchange with that Imperial Officer attests. Thankfully, I’m rescued from further awkwardness by a less-cowed Alliance comrade.
“We’re doing routine maintenance,” she says. “Sector 12.” They grudgingly let us pass. It’s worth it, as we reach an important gantry just in time to see R2-D2 ram a Stormtrooper, who looks really quite annoyed.
There are other good guys along the way, such as the charismatic pilots who transport us between planets. These space flights are particularly entertaining, although when our final destination becomes apparent I feel compelled to expel a classic Star Wars quote: "I have a very bad feeling about this."
It wouldn't be fair to reveal exactly what happens next, but the interactive element of the evening builds to a spectacular conclusion, as we all become participants in one of Star Wars' most memorable scenes. It's an unforgettable moment. That once-cocky Alliance maintenance girl almost weeps with emotion, a lifelong dream fulfilled.
There have been moans in the media about the price tag – about €100 (Dh417) a ticket – but the sheer scale and ambition of the experience surely justifies that: it must have cost a fortune to stage.
Plus, the expense acts as a useful filter. Such an immersive event needs to be populated by true enthusiasts or it doesn’t work. I spot a few sullen people in regular clothes (presumably fellow journalists with free tickets), who in this context look sillier than the dude in the Jabba suit. Absolute nerf-herders.
Also notable is the absence of photography. Secret Cinema bans phones and cameras, which are sealed in plastic during the initial spaceport check-in, then handed back later. It’s a little frustrating, but you can hardly pretend to be a rebel fighter while taking endless selfies with Princess Leia.
And that memorable finale wouldn’t work half as well if most of the audience were trying to film it. Which we definitely would have been.
A few factors do test that immersive narrative. At one point we find ourselves in an empire-controlled area, full of Stormtroopers and officers – and a cake stall, which I don’t recall Darth Vader ever stopping off at during the original trilogy (perhaps it was a deleted scene).
More troubling: after the final intergalactic flight, you have to pop back to the previous planet to use the restrooms, which makes it tricky to remain in character. Although the Imperial Officer we approach for directions is impressive.
“That’s a restricted area,” he announces, before asking for the secret password and revealing himself to be a rebel spy. Again, this doesn’t happen at most cinemas.
After living Star Wars for two hours, the film might seem anticlimactic, but this is no regular screening. Flashing lights enhance laser battles, characters charge past your chairs, and live actors recreate major scenes. It's almost akin to a sporting event: we cheer, we boo, and – during that infamous Luke/Leia kiss – we collectively go "ew".
The movie eventually concludes to the sound of mighty cheers, the actors assume their final positions, guest DJ Tom Findlay from Groove Armada spins tunes from the coolest DJ booth ever, while most of us head back down to Earth, glowing like newly activated lightsabers.
“Real life is rubbish,” sighs one costumed chap as he re-enters the station, to widespread agreement.
We’d all trade infinite seeds and jewels to go back up there one more time. And with months to go, we just might. I have a very good feeling about this.
A truly bizarre bazaar
As the name suggests, Secret Cinema: The Empire Strikes Back keeps most of its content under wraps, but one element you might be surprised to encounter is fine Middle Eastern food.
At the heart of this year's Star Wars-themed event is a Berber-style souq, inspired by the desert planet Tatooine, home to Luke Skywalker, which itself was inspired by the real-life Tunisian village of Tataouine, close to where the desert scenes in the original Star Wars movie were filmed. In the upcoming Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Abu Dhabi's Western Region desert was the shooting location for the arid planet Jakku.
This bizarre bazaar is an immersive Star Wars set that doubles as a refreshment zone – and it's an intoxicating blend.
As we step off a rebel spaceship, the initial sights and aromas suggest a North African festival but then you notice a Sandspeeder parked in the town centre, robed traders buying two very familiar droids, and Jawas everywhere.
To accompany that desert setting, the organisers opted for Middle Eastern flavours and their choices are mouth-watering. This is no theme-park menu.
“We had sabich: pita stuffed with fried aubergine and hard-boiled eggs, garlic and dill kraut, tabbouleh and tahini,” says Secret Cinema’s production coordinator Amy Rowe. “Halloumi fries with za’atar yogurt, pomegranate molasses, mint, sumac and pomegranate seeds. Lamb tagine …”
And more besides. The traders are all in character, too, asking for “credits” rather than British pounds, and only accepting contactless credit cards – waving them over a machine is as close to The Force as we can manage.
Also in this bazaar is the famous Cantina Bar, where your place in the queue may well come under threat from an angry Wookie, while alien women dance wildly to the Cantina Band’s exotic blend of eastern jazz and sci-fi sounds. Many visitors actually prefer to hang out down here than watch the movie.
artslife@thenational.ae
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Almnssa
Started: August 2020
Founder: Areej Selmi
Based: Gaza
Sectors: Internet, e-commerce
Investments: Grants/private funding
Company%20Profile
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Kanguva
Director: Siva
Stars: Suriya, Bobby Deol, Disha Patani, Yogi Babu, Redin Kingsley
Disclaimer
Director: Alfonso Cuaron
Stars: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Kline, Lesley Manville
Rating: 4/5
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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Indoor Cricket World Cup - Sept 16-20, Insportz, Dubai
More from Armen Sarkissian
If you go
Where to stay: Courtyard by Marriott Titusville Kennedy Space Centre has unparalleled views of the Indian River. Alligators can be spotted from hotel room balconies, as can several rocket launch sites. The hotel also boasts cool space-themed decor.
When to go: Florida is best experienced during the winter months, from November to May, before the humidity kicks in.
How to get there: Emirates currently flies from Dubai to Orlando five times a week.
The specs
Engine: 3.0-litre six-cylinder turbo
Power: 398hp from 5,250rpm
Torque: 580Nm at 1,900-4,800rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed auto
Fuel economy, combined: 6.5L/100km
On sale: December
Price: From Dh330,000 (estimate)
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre 4-cylinder petrol
Power: 154bhp
Torque: 250Nm
Transmission: 7-speed automatic with 8-speed sports option
Price: From Dh79,600
On sale: Now
More on Quran memorisation:
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Qyubic
Started: October 2023
Founder: Namrata Raina
Based: Dubai
Sector: E-commerce
Current number of staff: 10
Investment stage: Pre-seed
Initial investment: Undisclosed
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: HyperSpace
Started: 2020
Founders: Alexander Heller, Rama Allen and Desi Gonzalez
Based: Dubai, UAE
Sector: Entertainment
Number of staff: 210
Investment raised: $75 million from investors including Galaxy Interactive, Riyadh Season, Sega Ventures and Apis Venture Partners
PROVISIONAL FIXTURE LIST
Premier League
Wednesday, June 17 (Kick-offs uae times) Aston Villa v Sheffield United 9pm; Manchester City v Arsenal 11pm
Friday, June 19 Norwich v Southampton 9pm; Tottenham v Manchester United 11pm
Saturday, June 20 Watford v Leicester 3.30pm; Brighton v Arsenal 6pm; West Ham v Wolves 8.30pm; Bournemouth v Crystal Palace 10.45pm
Sunday, June 21 Newcastle v Sheffield United 2pm; Aston Villa v Chelsea 7.30pm; Everton v Liverpool 10pm
Monday, June 22 Manchester City v Burnley 11pm (Sky)
Tuesday, June 23 Southampton v Arsenal 9pm; Tottenham v West Ham 11.15pm
Wednesday, June 24 Manchester United v Sheffield United 9pm; Newcastle v Aston Villa 9pm; Norwich v Everton 9pm; Liverpool v Crystal Palace 11.15pm
Thursday, June 25 Burnley v Watford 9pm; Leicester v Brighton 9pm; Chelsea v Manchester City 11.15pm; Wolves v Bournemouth 11.15pm
Sunday June 28 Aston Villa vs Wolves 3pm; Watford vs Southampton 7.30pm
Monday June 29 Crystal Palace vs Burnley 11pm
Tuesday June 30 Brighton vs Manchester United 9pm; Sheffield United vs Tottenham 11.15pm
Wednesday July 1 Bournemouth vs Newcastle 9pm; Everton vs Leicester 9pm; West Ham vs Chelsea 11.15pm
Thursday July 2 Arsenal vs Norwich 9pm; Manchester City vs Liverpool 11.15pm
Cricket World Cup League 2
UAE squad
Rahul Chopra (captain), Aayan Afzal Khan, Ali Naseer, Aryansh Sharma, Basil Hameed, Dhruv Parashar, Junaid Siddique, Muhammad Farooq, Muhammad Jawadullah, Muhammad Waseem, Omid Rahman, Rahul Bhatia, Tanish Suri, Vishnu Sukumaran, Vriitya Aravind
Fixtures
Friday, November 1 – Oman v UAE
Sunday, November 3 – UAE v Netherlands
Thursday, November 7 – UAE v Oman
Saturday, November 9 – Netherlands v UAE
APPLE IPAD MINI (A17 PRO)
Display: 21cm Liquid Retina Display, 2266 x 1488, 326ppi, 500 nits
Chip: Apple A17 Pro, 6-core CPU, 5-core GPU, 16-core Neural Engine
Storage: 128/256/512GB
Main camera: 12MP wide, f/1.8, digital zoom up to 5x, Smart HDR 4
Front camera: 12MP ultra-wide, f/2.4, Smart HDR 4, full-HD @ 25/30/60fps
Biometrics: Touch ID, Face ID
Colours: Blue, purple, space grey, starlight
In the box: iPad mini, USB-C cable, 20W USB-C power adapter
Price: From Dh2,099
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre turbo
Power: 181hp
Torque: 230Nm
Transmission: 6-speed automatic
Starting price: Dh79,000
On sale: Now
The%20specs
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'My Son'
Director: Christian Carion
Starring: James McAvoy, Claire Foy, Tom Cullen, Gary Lewis
Rating: 2/5
UAE SQUAD
Omar Abdulrahman (Al Hilal), Ali Khaseif, Ali Mabkhout, Salem Rashed, Khalifa Al Hammadi, Khalfan Mubarak, Zayed Al Ameri, Mohammed Al Attas (Al Jazira), Khalid Essa, Ahmed Barman, Ryan Yaslam, Bandar Al Ahbabi (Al Ain), Habib Fardan, Tariq Ahmed, Mohammed Al Akbari (Al Nasr), Ali Saleh, Ali Salmin (Al Wasl), Adel Al Hosani, Ali Hassan Saleh, Majed Suroor (Sharjah), Ahmed Khalil, Walid Abbas, Majed Hassan, Ismail Al Hammadi (Shabab Al Ahli), Hassan Al Muharrami, Fahad Al Dhahani (Bani Yas), Mohammed Al Shaker (Ajman)
Citadel: Honey Bunny first episode
Directors: Raj & DK
Stars: Varun Dhawan, Samantha Ruth Prabhu, Kashvi Majmundar, Kay Kay Menon
Rating: 4/5
The specs
Engine: 2.7-litre 4-cylinder Turbomax
Power: 310hp
Torque: 583Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh192,500
On sale: Now
Company%20Profile
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THE DETAILS
Deadpool 2
Dir: David Leitch
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Josh Brolin, Justin Dennison, Zazie Beetz
Four stars
Company%20profile
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The specs
Engine: 3-litre twin-turbo V6
Power: 400hp
Torque: 475Nm
Transmission: 9-speed automatic
Price: From Dh215,900
On sale: Now
The specs
Engine: Direct injection 4-cylinder 1.4-litre
Power: 150hp
Torque: 250Nm
Price: From Dh139,000
On sale: Now
The specs
Engine: 2-litre or 3-litre 4Motion all-wheel-drive Power: 250Nm (2-litre); 340 (3-litre) Torque: 450Nm Transmission: 8-speed automatic Starting price: From Dh212,000 On sale: Now
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
From Zero
Artist: Linkin Park
Label: Warner Records
Number of tracks: 11
Rating: 4/5
Company%20Profile
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SPEC%20SHEET%3A%20APPLE%20IPHONE%2014
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Duminy's Test career in numbers
Tests 46; Runs 2,103; Best 166; Average 32.85; 100s 6; 50s 8; Wickets 42; Best 4-47
Al Jazira's foreign quartet for 2017/18
Romarinho, Brazil
Lassana Diarra, France
Sardor Rashidov, Uzbekistan
Mbark Boussoufa, Morocco
Moon Music
Artist: Coldplay
Label: Parlophone/Atlantic
Number of tracks: 10
Rating: 3/5
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
COMPANY PROFILE
Founders: Alhaan Ahmed, Alyina Ahmed and Maximo Tettamanzi
Total funding: Self funded
The specs: 2018 Mercedes-Benz E 300 Cabriolet
Price, base / as tested: Dh275,250 / Dh328,465
Engine: 2.0-litre four-cylinder
Power: 245hp @ 5,500rpm
Torque: 370Nm @ 1,300rpm
Transmission: Nine-speed automatic
Fuel consumption, combined: 7.0L / 100km
Royal Birkdale Golf Course
Location: Southport, Merseyside, England
Established: 1889
Type: Private
Total holes: 18
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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