Dark Shadows: truly irresistible



Director: Tim Burton
Starring: Johnny Depp, Eva Green, Helena Bonham Carter
***

Roll-up, roll-up - the carnival is back in town! Tim Burton has made his movie again. You know the one: a well-known tale, now reheated with an added pinch of surrealism and a generous sprinkling of the macabre. And the performers are here again, too; the man with the world's highest cheekbones and the woman with a face like a porcelain doll.

It may feel like the US filmmaker isn't trying anymore, but if that's the case, we only have ourselves to blame. His last big-screen outing, 2010's soulless, 3D reimagining of Alice in Wonderland, somehow went on to became one of the highest-grossing films ever made. Dark Shadows seems to prove the theory that as long as we keep paying the price of admission, Burton will carry on making the same movie. In this case, however, the film's "sameness" might just be the best thing about it.

Based on a gothic soap opera that debuted in 1966, the horror-comedy follows Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp), an 18th-century gentleman whose family travels from Liverpool to New England, where they become wealthy industrialists. But when Collins rejects the advances of a young witch (Eva Green), she kills his true love and curses him with vampirism, a fate that leads to him being buried alive for almost two centuries.

Fast forward to 1972 and the Collins family has fallen on hard times, with its business and estate in disrepair. When Barnabas is finally awoken, the loveable but dark-hearted fop quickly sets about trying to restore its fortunes, while (somewhat preposterously) attempting to keep his affliction a secret. Standing in his way, however, is the seductive witch who ruined him and, as a new love interest enters Collins's life, the shadowy figure's tragic history threatens to be repeated.

Like many of Burton's recent outings, far more energy seems to have been spent on creating the film's lavish surroundings than fleshing-out its characters. Other than Depp - who gives a performance hilarious enough to make you forget about his deeply irritating Willy Wonka and Mad Hatter - the devilish Green is the only supporting cast member who isn't underutilised. Then there are the narrative problems, with the film deciding to tell a completely different story every 15 minutes or so.

But somehow, this often unsettlingly raunchy and only somewhat amusing comedy just works. Barnabas is as magnetic a protagonist as you're likely to see all year, and, even for Burton, the world of Dark Shadows is rendered with breathtaking detail and irresistible beauty.

Just like the reluctant vampire of the story, we know that the meal on offer comes at a high price, but it's almost impossible to resist, nonetheless.

Heather, the Totality
Matthew Weiner,
Canongate 

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Martin Sabbagh profile

Job: CEO JCDecaux Middle East

In the role: Since January 2015

Lives: In the UAE

Background: M&A, investment banking

Studied: Corporate finance

23-man shortlist for next six Hall of Fame inductees

Tony Adams, David Beckham, Dennis Bergkamp, Sol Campbell, Eric Cantona, Andrew Cole, Ashley Cole, Didier Drogba, Les Ferdinand, Rio Ferdinand, Robbie Fowler, Steven Gerrard, Roy Keane, Frank Lampard, Matt Le Tissier, Michael Owen, Peter Schmeichel, Paul Scholes, John Terry, Robin van Persie, Nemanja Vidic, Patrick Viera, Ian Wright.

Poacher
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Race card

1.30pm: Handicap (PA) Dh 50,000 (Dirt) 1,400m

2pm: Handicap (TB) Dh 84,000 (D) 1,400m

2.30pm: Maiden (TB) Dh 60,000 (D) 1,200m

3pm: Conditions (TB) Dh 100,000 (D) 1.950m

3.30pm: Handicap (TB) Dh 76,000 (D) 1,800m

4pm: Maiden (TB) Dh 60,000 (D) 1,600m

4.30pm: Handicap (TB) Dh 68,000 (D) 1,000m

COMPANY PROFILE
Name: ARDH Collective
Based: Dubai
Founders: Alhaan Ahmed, Alyina Ahmed and Maximo Tettamanzi
Sector: Sustainability
Total funding: Self funded
Number of employees: 4
Nayanthara: Beyond The Fairy Tale

Starring: Nayanthara, Vignesh Shivan, Radhika Sarathkumar, Nagarjuna Akkineni

Director: Amith Krishnan

Rating: 3.5/5

The specs

Engine: Dual 180kW and 300kW front and rear motors

Power: 480kW

Torque: 850Nm

Transmission: Single-speed automatic

Price: From Dh359,900 ($98,000)

On sale: Now

Kanguva
Director: Siva
Stars: Suriya, Bobby Deol, Disha Patani, Yogi Babu, Redin Kingsley
Rating: 2/5
 
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COMPANY PROFILE

Name: Qyubic
Started: October 2023
Founder: Namrata Raina
Based: Dubai
Sector: E-commerce
Current number of staff: 10
Investment stage: Pre-seed
Initial investment: Undisclosed 

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The specs

Engine: 3.9-litre twin-turbo V8
Power: 620hp from 5,750-7,500rpm
Torque: 760Nm from 3,000-5,750rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed dual-clutch auto
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh1.05 million ($286,000)

Call of Duty: Black Ops 6

Developer: Treyarch, Raven Software
Publisher:  Activision
Console: PlayStation 4 & 5, Windows, Xbox One & Series X/S
Rating: 3.5/5

Key features of new policy

Pupils to learn coding and other vocational skills from Grade 6

Exams to test critical thinking and application of knowledge

A new National Assessment Centre, PARAKH (Performance, Assessment, Review and Analysis for Holistic Development) will form the standard for schools

Schools to implement online system to encouraging transparency and accountability

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The specs
Engine: Long-range single or dual motor with 200kW or 400kW battery
Power: 268bhp / 536bhp
Torque: 343Nm / 686Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Max touring range: 620km / 590km
Price: From Dh250,000 (estimated)
On sale: Later this year

Simran

Director Hansal Mehta

Stars: Kangana Ranaut, Soham Shah, Esha Tiwari Pandey

Three stars

How to protect yourself when air quality drops

Install an air filter in your home.

Close your windows and turn on the AC.

Shower or bath after being outside.

Wear a face mask.

Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.

If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.

TOURNAMENT INFO

Fixtures
Sunday January 5 - Oman v UAE
Monday January 6 - UAE v Namibia
Wednesday January 8 - Oman v Namibia
Thursday January 9 - Oman v UAE
Saturday January 11 - UAE v Namibia
Sunday January 12 – Oman v Namibia

UAE squad
Ahmed Raza (captain), Rohan Mustafa, Mohammed Usman, CP Rizwan, Waheed Ahmed, Zawar Farid, Darius D’Silva, Karthik Meiyappan, Jonathan Figy, Vriitya Aravind, Zahoor Khan, Junaid Siddique, Basil Hameed, Chirag Suri

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The specs

Engine: 1.6-litre 4-cyl turbo and dual electric motors

Power: 300hp at 6,000rpm

Torque: 520Nm at 1,500-3,000rpm

Transmission: 8-speed auto

Fuel consumption: 8.0L/100km

Price: from Dh199,900

On sale: now

Jigra
Director: Vasan Bala
Starring: Alia Bhatt, Vedang Raina, Manoj Pahwa, Harsh Singh
Rated: 3.5/5
2018 ICC World Twenty20 Asian Western Sub Regional Qualifier

Event info: The tournament in Kuwait is the first phase of the qualifying process for sides from Asia for the 2020 World T20 in Australia. The UAE must finish within the top three teams out of the six at the competition to advance to the Asia regional finals. Success at regional finals would mean progression to the World T20 Qualifier.

Teams: UAE, Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Maldives, Qatar

Friday fixtures: 9.30am (UAE time) - Kuwait v Maldives, Qatar v UAE; 3pm - Saudi Arabia v Bahrain

Some of Darwish's last words

"They see their tomorrows slipping out of their reach. And though it seems to them that everything outside this reality is heaven, yet they do not want to go to that heaven. They stay, because they are afflicted with hope." - Mahmoud Darwish, to attendees of the Palestine Festival of Literature, 2008

His life in brief: Born in a village near Galilee, he lived in exile for most of his life and started writing poetry after high school. He was arrested several times by Israel for what were deemed to be inciteful poems. Most of his work focused on the love and yearning for his homeland, and he was regarded the Palestinian poet of resistance. Over the course of his life, he published more than 30 poetry collections and books of prose, with his work translated into more than 20 languages. Many of his poems were set to music by Arab composers, most significantly Marcel Khalife. Darwish died on August 9, 2008 after undergoing heart surgery in the United States. He was later buried in Ramallah where a shrine was erected in his honour.

From Zero

Artist: Linkin Park

Label: Warner Records

Number of tracks: 11

Rating: 4/5

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