Ask Ali: On asking an Arab man whether he is married

Ali Al Saloom on asking the marital status of an Arab man, and the history behind Prophet Mohammad's birthday.

Dear Ali: Is it OK when meeting an Arab man to ask him if he is married? And if he answers yes, then is it OK to ask how many wives he has? Or is this rude? Sometimes it’s just an innocent way to know if the man is married. KU, Las Vegas

Dear KU: This is pretty honest, and I salute you for bringing up such a topic and question. Imagine if I say: “You are from Las Vegas. Are you always partying and drinking alcohol?” It’s a bit of a stereotype, right? Not all Arabs are Muslims, nor are all Muslims, Arabs. So chances are that if you are asking one that question, they might not be Muslim, so it would sound and be taken negatively, and be offensive to many. Some Muslims would laugh or take it as a good joke and not let it bother them because they know that not everyone is aware about polygamy in Islam, and how it’s instructed. Others might answer by saying: “One headache is enough”, which is a return joke showing that your question was taken in a funny way. And others might just say they are married to one person only, and they don’t even appreciate the idea of having a second wife.

Always examine the context of where you are and whom you are with. If one day you come across a Muslim man, not just an Arab but a Muslim, and you feel they have an easy-going personality, and that you were enjoying a good chat, then it might be OK to bring up such a subject. But I wouldn’t recommend it to be just thrown at any Muslim you meet because it could be seen as ignorant or a stereotype. The reality is not all Muslim men have a second, third or fourth wife. By all means, ask the question if you really want to, but word it smartly because it won’t sound polite to some.

Dear Ali: I am a bit confused. I noticed that some of my Muslim friends celebrate the Prophet Mohammad’s birthday. However, I have other friends who do not celebrate it. Why is that? RF, Ajman

Dear RF: Celebrating ­Mawlid Al Nabawi – the name of the ­occasion in Arabic – is optional in Islam. People are free to do so. Some, however, are against it, ­because it was not something that the Prophet had during his life. Others see it as nothing but a light gathering to share love and appreciation for God. In the UAE and the Muslim world, this occasion is considered a holiday in recognition of the Prophet’s birthday, but it’s not celebrated in the same way as our two major Eid festivities – the small Eid, Eid Al Fitr, which comes after Ramadan, and the big Eid, Eid Al Adha, which is known as the sacrifice festival, which comes after the completion of the pilgrimage rituals in Mecca.

Here in the UAE, we always celebrated this occasion though our grandfathers. To commemorate Prophet Mohammed’s birthday the Ministry of Culture, under the patronage of Sheikh Zayed [the founding President of the UAE], organised a poetry competition for classical and Nabati verse that praised the Prophet and his life. The best poet receives the Al Burda Award.

Some people think that celebrating the Mawlid can cause misunderstandings, so they avoid it and advise others to do the same.

However, the majority of Muslims do not see anything wrong in this celebration. The General Department of Islamic Affairs published an advisory opinion on this subject, allowing celebration of Mawlid, with approval from major scholars, saying that this celebration is nothing more than just a form of thanking God for what he has bestowed on us by sending the beloved Messenger.

I don’t think there is a problem for you to join your friends in celebration of Mawlid. It is a great opportunity to witness how it happens in local houses, as people gather to remember beautiful stories and teachings from the Prophet’s life, while serving delicious traditional meals. You can even watch performance of anashids, the Islamic songs, that are sung without music, but can be accompanied by daf drums.

For those who do not have the opportunity to visit local houses, there are usually public Mawlid events with narration of the Prophets’ stories held in mosques and Islamic centres around the country.

Ali Al Saloom is a cultural adviser and public speaker from the UAE. Follow @AskAli on Twitter, and visit www.ask-ali.com to ask him a question and to find his guidebooks to the UAE, for Dh50.