Dear Ali: My situation is a bit sensitive, but I hope you can help me to understand what I should do. My child was insulted by a rude classmate at school. I understand that every parent would jump in to defend their children, though I think at the same time there are certain cultural rules. What should I do in this situation? JM, Ajman
Dear JM: I understand your worries. Commonly, yes, we start to educate our own kids on basic etiquette at the earliest age possible. So when we face someone else’s child acting rudely, we might get really lost.
How should you respond to rudeness in our society where politeness is an unwritten law? What do you do when you see other parents aren’t there or are showing ignorance? Here are some tips that might help.
Arabs are emotional: it’s a known fact, but we always try to keep our emotions in check in public, even in awkward situations such as this. We will do our best to respond politely to even the rudest behaviour and handle a situation diplomatically.
So what happens if a child is acting up? I understand when another child says something nasty to yours, you want to defend your child. However, this could create another problem for you. People wouldn’t know the reason behind your reaction, and potentially think you’re an aggressive person and put the guilt on you.
First of all, you will definitely need to bring this up right away with the school management. Then help your child to overcome this situation by giving verbal support and teaching them diplomacy.
Consider the situation as calmly as you can. Sometimes children do things to attract attention, but don’t make them think this behaviour is OK. Sometimes children may not even be aware that what they say is hurtful. That’s where it’s our role as a parent to show them what to say, when and how.
If a child isn’t aware that what they’re saying is hurtful and not good – or as we call it in Arabic, aayb (“shame on you” or “wrong”) – you should tell them in a nice way.
Another thing to do if a child acts rudely and their parents aren’t around is to enlist the help of an appropriate authority – the school principal, for instance. They would deal with the situation, keeping you safe from any complications or misunderstandings.
But definitely never try to discipline someone else’s child yourself.
Sooner or later, once such children get a word from the school principal, management and their parents, they’ll know that they must stop acting rudely.
Ali Al Saloom is a cultural adviser and public speaker from the UAE. Follow @AskAli on Twitter, and visit www.ask-ali.com to ask him a question.
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