Ask Ali: Colours aren’t always a black-and-white issue

In this week's Ask Ali we learn about how colours may not have the same meaning as in other cultures and whether it's proper to lend an Emirati money.

Dear Ali: Women wear black here, but in some other cultures it's a sign that someone is mourning. Do you have the same meaning for colours? LH, Abu Dhabi

Dear LH: Colours don't necessarily represent certain things in life. For example, red doesn't necessarily mean love, because it's also the colour of blood. White isn't necessarily just purity and peace – it could also mean "death", since when people die, in our culture, we wrap them in a white cloth before burying them.

Colours are used to identify men and women. For example, men wouldn’t wear a bright red, purple or pink kandura. Women can dress in any colour, but traditionally, when they go outside, they put a black abaya over their clothing. Notice I say “put over” – they wear the abaya as more of a cover than a dress.

I agree that black symbolises mourning in many cultures, but also there are other cultures that see white as a mourning colour, such as China.

Since oil was discovered in the UAE, I would say that black could nicely represent this historical moment. I’m joking, but we do have some colours that will always represent, for instance, our beautiful desert, such as brown and gold – that’s why I like wearing a brown kandura, which has become part of the Ask Ali brand.

Dear Ali: One of my Emirati friends has some financial problems. I wanted to offer him some money, but another friend said that wouldn't be "proper" here. I still want to support him, but what would be the best way? RR, Dubai

Dear RR: "A friend in need is a friend indeed," says the popular English proverb, and you just proved you're a friend indeed.

Of all our daily problems, finances can be the most sensitive, especially for Arabs. In general, we don’t like to say “no” when we’re asked for help, but at the same time we hate to ask for help when we need it. This is common here, and often it equals losing face, which is the worst to us.

So, yes, offering financial help could be hard. I would suggest you meet him outside of the work environment, maybe over coffee, and sincerely show you’re eager to offer some financial support, while clarifying this isn’t a gift, but a loan that he may repay whenever he can. Or just offer randomly in your conversation that you would be happy to offer him an amount that would help, without making it sound like you’re giving it to “save him” because you have money and he doesn’t. This would be taken negatively.

Showing sympathy isn’t always good in such situations, so instead use a decent tone of voice and show humility when offering to help. You see, it’s not really about the amount, more the intention of wanting to support and help him.

You still may not succeed in the end, but believe me, this will definitely be appreciated and noticed. Your friendship will probably become stronger and last for life.

Ali Al Saloom is a cultural adviser and public speaker from the UAE. Follow @AskAli on Twitter, and visit www.ask-ali.com to ask him a question.