I'm pleased that Britain took a moment out of its new national sport of rabidly dissecting new Brexit permutations to have a good old Twitter hack-off at Russell Brand, kicked off with a tweet by Guardian fashion columnist Hadley Freeman.
Brand was quoted as saying he was too enlightened to do any of the leg-work involved in looking after children.
“Yes, I’m very, very focused on the mystical connotations of [his daughter] Mabel’s beauty and grace,” he said. "Not so good on the nappies and making sure they eat food.”
On which Freeman commented: “Russell Brand pitching himself as some New Age, all new, mature and sensitive dad - and then saying he’s too sensitive to do any actual parenting is the most Russell Brand thing I’ve ever read in my life.”
It seems to have struck a chord. Firstly, because of widespread disgust at the figure of Russell Brand himself, who has built his career on exploiting the supply of sympathy people have for former drug addicts who have turned their lives around. And secondly, because it plays into the idea that, however 21st century they claim to be, men do no housework.
Guess what? No one is into changing nappies, or scrubbing toilets
I personally skimmed past the Russell Brand controversy yesterday to read a thread from the US where a man was the only person in the house to realise that his step-son had brought home a lady the night before, and her shoes were still by the door the next morning.
He was wondering whether the step-son was going to succeed in ushering said lady-friend out unseen while his wife was preoccupied with the “Saturday morning clean”.
Then, when a number of people pointed out that he too could pitch in, he posted a picture of himself doing a certain hand gesture next to some (admittedly tasty-looking) sandwiches he had just made. Caption: “You don’t know my life.” But, I probably do, @dropsnopanties, and not just because that’s your Twitter handle.
I’ll start with: you probably are not into scrubbing toilets. I’ll also go out on this Russell Brand-inspired limb: you’re also probably not into changing nappies. That’s because no one is into scrubbing toilets. No one is into changing nappies. And no one is even into coaxing small children to eat.
Tweeting, or liking tweets, is the modern-day 'cup of tea'
Do you know what people are into? Liking things on social media that make them feel justified about their life choices — especially when that does not correspond to their present realities. Sometimes, when I am doing housework, I take a break to retweet things making fun of Trump or to applaud certain witticisms about British politicians.
I invariably like something @HindMezaina says, and I retweet any information about art shows in Abu Dhabi. Then, I pick up some Octonauts off the floor, deposit them in an Ikea container, and life goes on.
I’d be better off googling “how to make your children pick up their own damn Octonauts", reading the actual news, or even texting my long-suffering parents, but I’d rather look at my feed. That’s because tweeting is now like having a cup of tea. It’s just a little pause, albeit one that generates user data that can be monetised by Silicon Valley and/or manipulated by shadowy political organisations.
It’s not the fact that Russell Brand can’t be bothered to cut a carrot into batons that should be a surprise, but that — at the time of writing — 9,900 people sat down and liked Freeman's tweet about a B-list TV star they had in all likelihood entirely forgotten about, whose opinions on mysticism in no way alter the facts of their lives, and whom they will never, ever meet in real life.
I’m not saying that those 9,900 people didn’t have a point, just that I’m not sure they actually made one. Let’s ensure men do housework, but let’s also have a sense of perspective about why we like things on Twitter, and how much we think we can actually achieve.
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Read more from Melissa:
Review: Mary Poppins Returns is practically terrible in every way
Why WhatsApp groups are the bane of my existence
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What is an ETF?
An exchange traded fund is a type of investment fund that can be traded quickly and easily, just like stocks and shares. They come with no upfront costs aside from your brokerage's dealing charges and annual fees, which are far lower than on traditional mutual investment funds. Charges are as low as 0.03 per cent on one of the very cheapest (and most popular), Vanguard S&P 500 ETF, with the maximum around 0.75 per cent.
There is no fund manager deciding which stocks and other assets to invest in, instead they passively track their chosen index, country, region or commodity, regardless of whether it goes up or down.
The first ETF was launched as recently as 1993, but the sector boasted $5.78 billion in assets under management at the end of September as inflows hit record highs, according to the latest figures from ETFGI, a leading independent research and consultancy firm.
There are thousands to choose from, with the five largest providers BlackRock’s iShares, Vanguard, State Street Global Advisers, Deutsche Bank X-trackers and Invesco PowerShares.
While the best-known track major indices such as MSCI World, the S&P 500 and FTSE 100, you can also invest in specific countries or regions, large, medium or small companies, government bonds, gold, crude oil, cocoa, water, carbon, cattle, corn futures, currency shifts or even a stock market crash.
Company Profile
Name: Thndr
Started: 2019
Co-founders: Ahmad Hammouda and Seif Amr
Sector: FinTech
Headquarters: Egypt
UAE base: Hub71, Abu Dhabi
Current number of staff: More than 150
Funds raised: $22 million
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MATCH INFO
Manchester City 4 (Gundogan 8' (P), Bernardo Silva 19', Jesus 72', 75')
Fulham 0
Red cards: Tim Ream (Fulham)
Man of the Match: Gabriel Jesus (Manchester City)
The Perfect Couple
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Liev Schreiber, Jack Reynor
Creator: Jenna Lamia
Rating: 3/5
UAE - India ties
The UAE is India’s third-largest trade partner after the US and China
Annual bilateral trade between India and the UAE has crossed US$ 60 billion
The UAE is the fourth-largest exporter of crude oil for India
Indians comprise the largest community with 3.3 million residents in the UAE
Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi first visited the UAE in August 2015
His visit on August 23-24 will be the third in four years
Sheikh Mohamed bin Zayed, Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi and Deputy Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces, visited India in February 2016
Sheikh Mohamed was the chief guest at India’s Republic Day celebrations in January 2017
Modi will visit Bahrain on August 24-25
The specs
Engine: 2.7-litre 4-cylinder Turbomax
Power: 310hp
Torque: 583Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
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UPI facts
More than 2.2 million Indian tourists arrived in UAE in 2023
More than 3.5 million Indians reside in UAE
Indian tourists can make purchases in UAE using rupee accounts in India through QR-code-based UPI real-time payment systems
Indian residents in UAE can use their non-resident NRO and NRE accounts held in Indian banks linked to a UAE mobile number for UPI transactions
BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE
Starring: Winona Ryder, Michael Keaton, Jenny Ortega
Director: Tim Burton
Rating: 3/5