It is not shameless to search for love

Modern and Islamic values agree that it is not impertinent for a woman to express her aspiration to be married

Looking for love is a perilous occupation across the world. Luckily, some might say, today we have the internet to help cast our nets more widely.

While online matrimonial sites have become more common, there is a lingering suspicion that the internet is suspect and anyone using it to find love is acting improperly.

In many - but not all - Muslim cultures, arranged marriages are commonplace. Matches are arranged by parents, families, or friends. Traditionally, women were not expected to show much interest in the search process - thoughts of intimacy or love were not deemed suitable subjects for innocent girls.

The arrival of the digital space has been a great liberator for women. In public life, traditional physical barriers dissolve as information and authorities become easily accessible online. In personal life, anonymity reduces worries about reputation, often an inhibitor for women.

For many, this liberation has been embraced quickly. But still the stigma of women using the internet lingers.

We must ask ourselves, why do societies still consider it improper for a woman to actively look for love?

A study published last month in India looked at the rising trend among Muslims of using online matrimony sites. The study found that profiles conformed to gender stereotypes prevalent in Indian society. Family had a stronger role in a woman's search for marriage than a man's. Around 75 per cent of female profiles claimed to be posted by someone other than the candidate.

An alternative interpretation is that putting oneself forward for marriage is considered unsuitable for a woman, as it is "unconventional" for Indian women "to initiate their matrimony". The only occasions where this might be acceptable is if the woman is older or divorced, re-iterating the attitude that this is not something young, innocent, nice girls do.

Overall, women claimed to be more religious than men. Evidently, a woman advertising for herself in a still-traditional community might be afraid of being seen as too progressive or "forward" and compensates with more explicit religiosity.

The stigma on women taking an active role in their personal lives is not limited to India. It mirrors attitudes globally: men the hunters, women the submissive prey. That's why even in the 21st century smart women giggle at the unfunny jokes of men, and women propose marriage only every four years on a leap day.

Modern ideas of women's empowerment rightly emphasise economic liberation, an end to violence and freedom from discrimination. But for fulfilment in all spheres, we must include the right to be active in the search for companionship and love.

Modern and Islamic values see eye to eye on this, for Islamic values also encourage women to be proactive. It's not shameless, lewd or impertinent for a woman to express her interest in being married. She's done nothing wrong: if anything, she's doing something right in expressing her aspirations openly.

Here's the thing: the underlying negativity expressed about women being proactive in relationships is part of a misguided notion that women shouldn't have control over their lives.

Across all cultures, to want, to desire, to have ambition are considered unfeminine. What nonsense! Proactive qualities are the hallmark of a good woman, a woman whose society respects her choice, a woman who knows what she wants.

Shelina Zahra Janmohamed is the author of Love in a Headscarf and blogs at www.spirit21.co.uk