'After you," the nice gentleman with salt and pepper hair said, as I carried a box of cupcakes, my handbag and shopping bags, trying not step on my abaya while I rode the escalator down to the ground floor of the mall. He looked clearly western and was maybe in his early 40s. I thought: "He's so polite, why can't half the men in the UAE act like this?"
I say this because, most of the time, hardly any man holds the door open for me. There have even been a couple of times when I've dropped something, and a man nearby simply stands and stares, waiting for me to retrieve it. Worse, I have a male colleague who walks with me to meetings and has never asked: "Hey, can I help you carry your laptop?" Now I just take a proactive view and dump it into his arms.
A couple of my friends recently commented on my concerns about etiquette. They said that I probably give off a vibe that I don't need help, so men just back off. Or, they say, it's probably because you're Emirati, and men have a misconception that approaching an Emirati woman in any way is forbidden. That idea left me silent for a long while.
So I started wondering whether this was a matter of my perception of manners and respect. I started asking my friends, both men and women of different ages and nationalities.
Most people seem to believe that chivalry still exists and is not limited by nationality. Although the medieval understanding of chivalry revolved around courtly love, honour and knightly virtues, most now agreed that it's simply about showing respect for women.
So why aren't more men chivalrous these days? If a man was raised with basics manners, then he is more likely to be a gentleman - unless, of course, he succumbs to peer pressure. In that case, he might be afraid of being seen as a "softie" by his friends or someone just trying to "get with the girl".
This may come as a shock, but most of my male friends act like gentlemen and use phrases such as "please", "excuse me" and "may I". One of my friends put it in perspective, saying: "The measures of chivalry are very relative and very subjective, dependent on cultural norms, environment and upbringing in the house and social surroundings." That is the point that I'm trying to make - we are products of our upbringing, education, friends, work and so on, even if we think we are not.
The feminist movement can be partly to blame. Men sometimes have the initial reaction to help, but they don't want to offend a woman who wants to prove she is capable of doing it herself. In reality, I think, most women expect to be treated like princesses because that's how we've been raised.
It also doesn't help that pop stars reinforce negative stereotypes; Akon's song Smack That and Rihanna's Rude Boy quickly come to mind. In a popular culture that flaunts rude behaviour, the responsibility falls on individuals all the more.
But I'm not trying to bash men. If chivalry is about manners and being respectful, women, myself included, have to be held responsible too. How many times do women think: "Well, I'm wearing my new Jimmy Choos so I'm not really going to walk across the sand to help that old lady"? Why do we worry that our mascara's going to run down our cheeks if we go outside during the summer heat, but we're quick to honk the horn when a waiter is slow to brink a chai karak to our car?
I've seen girls who think they deserve to act prissy, but it actually backfires on them. My advice: Don't ruin it for the rest of us.
I'm sending out positive vibes to the men of the UAE to not fear our black abayas. Women do in fact appreciate an opened door and, trust me, most of us will say thank you.
Despite the ill-mannered people I've encountered, I still hope that the small percentage of men who are respectful and polite will set the example. After all, polite behaviour is rewarded tenfold.
Aida al Busaidy is a columnist and former co-host of a Dubai television show
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if you go
The flights
Air Astana flies direct from Dubai to Almaty from Dh2,440 per person return, and to Astana (via Almaty) from Dh2,930 return, both including taxes.
The hotels
Rooms at the Ritz-Carlton Almaty cost from Dh1,944 per night including taxes; and in Astana the new Ritz-Carlton Astana (www.marriott) costs from Dh1,325; alternatively, the new St Regis Astana costs from Dh1,458 per night including taxes.
When to visit
March-May and September-November
Visas
Citizens of many countries, including the UAE do not need a visa to enter Kazakhstan for up to 30 days. Contact the nearest Kazakhstan embassy or consulate.
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Eyasses squad
Charlie Preston (captain) – goal shooter/ goalkeeper (Dubai College)
Arushi Holt (vice-captain) – wing defence / centre (Jumeriah English Speaking School)
Olivia Petricola (vice-captain) – centre / wing attack (Dubai English Speaking College)
Isabel Affley – goalkeeper / goal defence (Dubai English Speaking College)
Jemma Eley – goal attack / wing attack (Dubai College)
Alana Farrell-Morton – centre / wing / defence / wing attack (Nord Anglia International School)
Molly Fuller – goal attack / wing attack (Dubai College)
Caitlin Gowdy – goal defence / wing defence (Dubai English Speaking College)
Noorulain Hussain – goal defence / wing defence (Dubai College)
Zahra Hussain-Gillani – goal defence / goalkeeper (British School Al Khubairat)
Claire Janssen – goal shooter / goal attack (Jumeriah English Speaking School)
Eliza Petricola – wing attack / centre (Dubai English Speaking College)
THE SPECS
Cadillac XT6 2020 Premium Luxury
Engine: 3.6L V-6
Transmission: nine-speed automatic
Power: 310hp
Torque: 367Nm
Price: Dh280,000
Walls
Louis Tomlinson
3 out of 5 stars
(Syco Music/Arista Records)
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The past Palme d'Or winners
2018 Shoplifters, Hirokazu Kore-eda
2017 The Square, Ruben Ostlund
2016 I, Daniel Blake, Ken Loach
2015 Dheepan, Jacques Audiard
2014 Winter Sleep (Kış Uykusu), Nuri Bilge Ceylan
2013 Blue is the Warmest Colour (La Vie d'Adèle: Chapitres 1 et 2), Abdellatif Kechiche, Adele Exarchopoulos and Lea Seydoux
2012 Amour, Michael Haneke
2011 The Tree of Life, Terrence Malick
2010 Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives (Lung Bunmi Raluek Chat), Apichatpong Weerasethakul
2009 The White Ribbon (Eine deutsche Kindergeschichte), Michael Haneke
2008 The Class (Entre les murs), Laurent Cantet
Mubadala World Tennis Championship 2018 schedule
Thursday December 27
Men's quarter-finals
Kevin Anderson v Hyeon Chung 4pm
Dominic Thiem v Karen Khachanov 6pm
Women's exhibition
Serena Williams v Venus Williams 8pm
Friday December 28
5th place play-off 3pm
Men's semi-finals
Rafael Nadal v Anderson/Chung 5pm
Novak Djokovic v Thiem/Khachanov 7pm
Saturday December 29
3rd place play-off 5pm
Men's final 7pm
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if you go
Getting there
Etihad (Etihad.com), Emirates (emirates.com) and Air France (www.airfrance.com) fly to Paris’ Charles de Gaulle Airport, from Abu Dhabi and Dubai respectively. Return flights cost from around Dh3,785. It takes about 40 minutes to get from Paris to Compiègne by train, with return tickets costing €19. The Glade of the Armistice is 6.6km east of the railway station.
Staying there
On a handsome, tree-lined street near the Chateau’s park, La Parenthèse du Rond Royal (laparenthesedurondroyal.com) offers spacious b&b accommodation with thoughtful design touches. Lots of natural woods, old fashioned travelling trunks as decoration and multi-nozzle showers are part of the look, while there are free bikes for those who want to cycle to the glade. Prices start at €120 a night.
More information: musee-armistice-14-18.fr ; compiegne-tourisme.fr; uk.france.fr
The Buckingham Murders
Starring: Kareena Kapoor Khan, Ash Tandon, Prabhleen Sandhu
Director: Hansal Mehta
Rating: 4 / 5
Israel Palestine on Swedish TV 1958-1989
Director: Goran Hugo Olsson
Rating: 5/5
if you go
The flights
Etihad, Emirates and Singapore Airlines fly direct from the UAE to Singapore from Dh2,265 return including taxes. The flight takes about 7 hours.
The hotel
Rooms at the M Social Singapore cost from SG $179 (Dh488) per night including taxes.
The tour
Makan Makan Walking group tours costs from SG $90 (Dh245) per person for about three hours. Tailor-made tours can be arranged. For details go to www.woknstroll.com.sg
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T20 World Cup Qualifier fixtures
Tuesday, October 29
Qualifier one, 2.10pm – Netherlands v UAE
Qualifier two, 7.30pm – Namibia v Oman
Wednesday, October 30
Qualifier three, 2.10pm – Scotland v loser of qualifier one
Qualifier four, 7.30pm – Hong Kong v loser of qualifier two
Thursday, October 31
Fifth-place playoff, 2.10pm – winner of qualifier three v winner of qualifier four
Friday, November 1
Semi-final one, 2.10pm – Ireland v winner of qualifier one
Semi-final two, 7.30pm – PNG v winner of qualifier two
Saturday, November 2
Third-place playoff, 2.10pm
Final, 7.30pm
BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE
Starring: Winona Ryder, Michael Keaton, Jenny Ortega
Director: Tim Burton
Rating: 3/5